Identity

   Just as there is a gay community, there is also a community of Christians who are attracted to the same sex but are living for God and not giving into those attractions. Some have never had a sexual experience with the same sex....or opposite sex, some have had sexual experiences with the same sex, and some have lived the gay lifestyle with a same sex partner or many partners for several years. Some have managed to marry the opposite sex and make it work.

    There are also differing degrees of deliverance. Some have been delivered completely of all attractions and are not attracted to the same sex at all anymore. Some are attracted to the person of the opposite sex they are married to, but are still not attracted to any others of the opposite sex. Others, most likely the majority, have been delivered from the sex and lust - or never had the sex - but will most likely have the attractions for the rest of their lives for the same sex.

  All of these comprise a community of people who are or have been attracted to the same sex, and have put God above their sexual attractions and desires.

   So what does one call this group of people? That is what I am writing this blog post for. The opinions are wide and varied among we who deal with these attractions, and some discussions/arguments can get quite heated as everyone gives their opinion.

 One term that used to be fairly popular was "ex-gay." I personally have no issue with that one, but it doesn't seem many people like it. It is also highly ridiculed by those still living the gay lifestyle, and has been compared to the X-Men movie characters...a reference some of you will not get. By the way, people who dare suggest change is necessary, and dare to change are hated intensely by the gay community and liberals in general. You're a girl and don't want to be? They are fine with that. Don't want to be heterosexual? They are fine with that. Don't want to be gay? They aren't OK with that. And ironically, they claim gender and sexuality are fluid....

   The term that is becoming increasingly popular that I do not like and have a problem with, is "gay Christian", or "gay".Now imagine you don't know me, do not know my religious/church background, or really much of anything about me. If I would come up to you and say "I am a gay Christian", or "gay", what are you going to assume? There is almost a 100% chance you are going to assume I am living as a gay male, having sex with other guys, and possibly even having a partner or guy I am "married to." You are not going to assume I am living a celibate life according to the Bible, and living clean of sex and lust with other guys. If "gay Christian" is used,  most or all people are going to assume I am one of those people ascribing to gay theology......those who believe the Bible doesn't really say homosexuality is wrong, and that you can have sex with others of the same gender and be a Christian.

   Wesley Hill wrote a great book some years back titled "Washed and Waiting", relating from his experiences what it is like to be a Christian guy attracted to other guys. It is a great book that is one of the better ones written on the subject. In recent years, he has spearheaded a movement called "Spiritual Friendship", where he and others refer to themselves as "a gay celibate Christian". This sounds confusing to me. Imagine you are of the world, and someone tells you that. You are most likely going to think "what on earth are they talking about?!" Most Christians are going to wonder the same thing.

   Here is the thing about the gay label, whether it is attached to Christian and/or celibate: it is an identity. If a person truly wants to leave the gay life behind, should he carry the gay identity around? I have used the example that one doesn't say they are a Christian thief, a Christian murderer, a Christian rapist, etc. I still believe that is a valid point to make, but a friend of mine disagrees and pointed out with the rest of those, people choose to do those sins. Being attracted to the same sex is not a choice or a sin, and if you believe it is, you are clueless about such things. So my friend disagrees that my point is valid.

   Whether it is a valid point and argument or not, it is a valid point and true statement that gay is an identity. If we are Christians living for God, our identity should be in Him, not in our sexuality. We are children of God. There are actually a lot of words in the Bible to describe us that are healthy and good.

   Many people that are alcoholics refer to themselves as an alcoholic for the rest of their lives, even if they quit drinking. I cannot believe that is is healthy and helpful to constantly refer to oneself as an alcoholic if one is trying to be delivered from that......and neither can I believe it is helpful and healthy to refer to oneself as gay if you are trying to leave that sin behind and live for God. Oh I am all to aware that the attractions and desires may be a lifelong struggle, and that it may be a daily denial of oneself and one's desires and attractions......but I believe with all of my being that the struggle will be all the more difficult if the person clings to the very identity they claim they are seeking freedom from.

 Revoice

 Revoice is a new thing that has come along this year. The organizers of this movement and conferences feel that Christians in the church who are attracted to the same sex are misunderstood, ignored, and many are feared and not used in their churches. There has been a lot said and written about Revoice. Many people have concerns about it, while others think it is the greatest thing since sliced bread. I fall on the side that has concerns. One of those concerns falls in with what I have been talking about, which is why I brought Revoice up:

 In their mission statement, they say they want Christians who are LGBTQ to have a place to come so the church can hear their voices and affirm them as Christians. If you are not sure what those letters all stand for, I'll list them:

Lesbian
Gay
Bisexual
Transgender
Questioning

  This has made the conferences/movement all the more problematic to me. The gay Christian label is bad enough for people who are actually genuine Christians, but now we are going to have Christian lesbians, bisexuals, transgender, and questioning?

 Do these people truly want to live for God and leave their sexual identity behind, or are they wanting to hold onto it with one hand while trying to hold onto God with the other?

 I have heard the arguments, and I remain convinced you are either Christian or gay, not both.

  I don't deny the church needs to do better with we among them dealing with this very tough issue. Many are ignored, marginalized, refused to be allowed to serve in the church, ostracized, and thought the worst of. Many of us are misunderstood, lonely, feared, and more. But the solution is not to cling to our gay, lesbian, transgender, etc identity while claiming to be Christians. There is so much more in Christ to identify with, we don't need the old gay identity that is connected with sin, sinful desires, and lust.

 Things like these:

• I am a child of God.
But to all who have received him--those who believe in his name--he has given the right to become God's children … (John 1:12).

• I am a branch of the true vine, and a conduit of Christ’s life.
I am the true vine and my Father is the gardener. I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in me--and I in him--bears much fruit, because apart from me you can accomplish nothing (John 15:1, 5).

• I am a friend of Jesus.
I no longer call you slaves, because the slave does not understand what his master is doing. But I have called you friends, because I have revealed to you everything I heard from my Father (John 15:15).

• I have been justified and redeemed.
But they are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus (Romans 3:24).

• My old self was crucified with Christ, and I am no longer a slave to sin.
We know that our old man was crucified with him so that the body of sin would no longer dominate us, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin (Romans 6:6).

• I will not be condemned by God.
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).

• I have been set free from the law of sin and death.
For the law of the life-giving Spirit in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:2).

• As a child of God, I am a fellow heir with Christ.
And if children, then heirs (namely, heirs of God and also fellow heirs with Christ)--if indeed we suffer with him so we may also be glorified with him (Romans 8:17).

• I have been accepted by Christ.
Receive one another, then, just as Christ also received you, to God's glory (Romans 15:7).

• I have been called to be a saint.
… To the church of God that is in Corinth, to those who are sanctified in Christ Jesus, and called to be saints, with all those in every place who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, their Lord and ours (1 Corinthians 1:2). (See also Ephesians 1:1, Philippians 1:1, and Colossians 1:2.)

• In Christ Jesus, I have wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption.
He is the reason you have a relationship with Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification and redemption … (1 Corinthians 1:30).

• My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who dwells in me.
Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you (1 Corinthians 6:19)?

• I am joined to the Lord and am one spirit with Him.
But the one united with the Lord is one spirit with him (1 Corinthians 6:17).

• God leads me in the triumph and knowledge of Christ.
But thanks be to God who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and who makes known through us the fragrance that consists of the knowledge of him in every place (2 Corinthians 2:14).

• The hardening of my mind has been removed in Christ.
But their minds were closed. For to this very day, the same veil remains when they hear the old covenant read./netbible2/index.php?header=&book=2co&chapter=3 It has not been removed because only in Christ is it taken away (2 Corinthians 3:14).

• I am a new creature in Christ.
So then, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; what is old has passed away--look, what is new has come (2 Corinthians 5:17)!

• I have become the righteousness of God in Christ.
God made the one who did not know sin to be sin for us, so that in him we would become the righteousness of God (2 Corinthians 5:21).

• I have been made one with all who are in Christ Jesus.
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female--for all of you are one in Christ Jesus (Galatians 3:28).

• I am no longer a slave, but a child and an heir.
So you are no longer a slave but a son, and if you are a son, then you are also an heir through God (Galatians 4:7).

• I have been set free in Christ.
For freedom Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not be subject again to the yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1).

• I have been blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places.
Blessed is the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms in Christ (Ephesians 1:3).

• I am chosen, holy, and blameless before God.
For he chose us in Christ before the foundation of the world that we may be holy and unblemished in his sight in love (Ephesians 1:4).

• I am redeemed and forgiven by the grace of Christ.
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace (Ephesians 1:7).

• I have been predestined by God to obtain an inheritance.
In Christ we too have been claimed as God's own possession, since we were predestined according to the one purpose of him who accomplishes all things according to the counsel of his will (Ephesians 1:11).

• I have been sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise.
And when you heard the word of truth (the gospel of your salvation)--when you believed in Christ--you were marked with the seal of the promised Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1:13).

• Because of God’s mercy and love, I have been made alive with Christ.
But God, being rich in mercy, because of his great love with which he loved us, even though we were dead in transgressions, made us alive together with Christ--by grace you are saved (Ephesians 2:4-5)!

• I am seated in the heavenly places with Christ.
… And he raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus … (Ephesians 2:6).

• I am God’s workmanship created to produce good works.
For we are his workmanship, having been created in Christ Jesus for good works that God prepared beforehand so we may do them (Ephesians 2:10).

• I have been brought near to God by the blood of Christ.
But now in Christ Jesus you who used to be far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ (Ephesians 2:13).

• I am a member of Christ’s body and a partaker of His promise.
… The Gentiles are fellow heirs, fellow members of the body, and fellow partakers of the promise in Christ Jesus (Ephesians 3:6). (See also Ephesians 5:30.)

• I have boldness and confident access to God through faith in Christ.
… In whom we have boldness and confident access to God because of Christ's faithfulness (Ephesians 3:12).

• My new self is righteous and holy.
… Put on the new man who has been created in God's image--in righteousness and holiness that comes from truth (Ephesians 4:24).

• I was formerly darkness, but now I am light in the Lord.
… For you were at one time darkness, but now you are/netbible2/index.php?header=&book=eph&chapter=5 light in the Lord. Walk as children of the light (Ephesians 5:8).

• I am a citizen of heaven.
But our citizenship is in heaven--and we also await a savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ … (Philippians 3:20).

• The peace of God guards my heart and mind.
And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7).

• God supplies all my needs.
And my God will supply your every need according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).

• I have been made complete in Christ.
… You have been filled in him, who is the head over every ruler and authority (Colossians 2:10).

• I have been raised up with Christ.
Therefore, if you have been raised with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God (Colossians 3:1).

• My life is hidden with Christ in God.
… For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God (Colossians 3:3).

• Christ is my life, and I will be revealed with Him in glory.
When Christ (who is your life) appears, then you too will be revealed in glory with him (Colossians 3:4).

• I have been chosen of God, and I am holy and beloved.
Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with a heart of mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience … (Colossians 3:12).

• God loves me and has chosen me.
We know, brothers and sisters loved by God, that he has chosen you … (1 Thessalonians 1:4).

The faith of Donald Trump

Warning: This post may make the heads of die hard Trump supporters explode. I am not even posting the link on Facebook as I normally do, as I don't want to see heads explode on there. You have been warned.  

   Back during the 2016 election, Hillary Clinton suddenly became very religious. She talked about how important her faith was to her, and even claimed a preacher sent her Bible verses daily on her cell phone for her to read and study. The response from conservatives and evangelical Christians was ridicule, and well deserved. The idea that this very corrupt woman being a Christian who had been caught lying and was suspect of much more, was ludicrous. And how amazing that right at election time when the Christian vote was wanted was when she suddenly became so religious.

   But then Donald Trump, a man who to my knowledge had never done or said anything religious, suddenly became a born again Christian.....according to James Dobson. A man (Trump) who had not long before that said he had never done anything he needed to repent of.....a man who is vulgar, cheated on 2 wives and bragged about it, owned strip clubs, bragged that he liked to grab women by their genitals, who said Planned Parenthood did a lot of good, had donated money and given other support to liberals for years...including the Clintons, a man who fought the Tea Party and had held the opposite view on everything Christians and conservatives held dear for years. And like Hillary becoming religious miraculously at election time, his miraculous conversion happened just when he needed the Christian vote.

   Yet Hillary's religious experience was scoffed at, while Donald Trump's was held up as true by his supporters, and anyone who dared question it was called judgmental and a Pharisee.....even though no change had ever happened in his behavior or language. And still, if one dares point out how bad his behavior is, you are told that "he is still a baby Christian." As I asked a Facebook friend who deleted me for it, just how long does the baby Christian stage last? He has supposedly been a Christian since a little before the election, which makes it close to 3 years......yet the man is still a bully, a jerk, he still acts horribly, and has not changed at all. No matter how badly he acts or talks, no matter what he does....his evangelical supporters will claim he is a Christian and that he is a baby Christian. So where was this charity for Hillary? And why does he never testify to his conversion and talk about what Jesus has done in his life? Why does James Dobson and others have to say he is a Christian and had a conversion? Because it was a political move to get the Christian vote, and a ton of gullible Christians fell for it and continue to fall for it.

    I have a theory. It would appear that as long as Donald Trump, and possibly others in the office he holds, does some things politically that his supporters want, they equate that with his being a Christian and it being God's will that he won the presidency. Hillary Clinton and Obama, on the other hand, have done nothing that conservatives and evangelical Christians support or want, so they cannot be Christians. When it comes to politicians, actions and words are not an indicator of their Christianity, but what they do politically is. Sound off the wall? Yes, but I believe it to be true.... and I challenge anyone to prove otherwise.

   Let me be blunt: Donald Trump is a bully and a jerk. He treats people horribly, and acts in some ways like Obama. Though his supporters love to point out that he wasn't a politician, he supported liberals and their policies and thus is liable for some of the bad laws and polices put in by the liberals he has funded. Though his supporters crow about him draining the swamp, he helped make that swamp and is part of it.

   As news comes out about his dealings with prostitutes and his paying people off to keep them quiet, his loyal supporters say it doesn't matter and is in the past.....yet they would be screaming from the rooftops if there was a "D" by his name instead of an "R". No matter what is brought up about Trump, it is in his past, he is a wonderful Christian, and it doesn't matter......yet everything in other liberals' pasts matter, no matter how far back. I even had a friend post the following:

I Don't Care About The Trump Tapes. I Don't Care Who Trump Slept With While He Was A Private Citizens! You Hear That #Mueller

   Now can you imagine my fellow conservatives having that attitude about him if he had run and won as a liberal? Those very things WOULD matter if Trump didn't have an "R" by his name.


  I dislike Donald Trump for a lot of reasons:
The pressure I got to vote for him when I felt I could not in good conscience vote for him.

The nasty things said by so-called Christians because I stood against him.

The double standard his supporters held and still hold with him.

The comparing of this vile and corrupt man to good men and women of the Bible.

The over the top worship and adulation of this man.

   I have sarcastically taken to calling him the Republican Messiah, and that is not a big stretch. The things Christians say about him are nauseating and over the top. The Bible did NOT foretell him becoming president. It was NOT God who put him in, but so-called Christians who for some ungodly reason beyond me made him the GOP nominee over several good conservatives and decent people... which  gave us not one bad choice, but two.

   I don't mean this in an irreverent way, but if Donald Trump is a Christian, then Jesus was wrong about the Christian way being a narrow way......it is as broad as it can be.

   A book recently came out titled "The Faith of Donald Trump." Since I have too many snowflakes on Facebook, I didn't say what I wanted....but I will say it here. If I still worked at the Christian bookstore I used to work at, I would not know whether to put the book in fiction or humor. For it is both.

  If the world keeps going the way it is going, the day may come when we face true persecution. And from what I have seen of Christian's reactions to criticism of Trump and questioning of Trump's Christianity, evangelical Christians aren't going to handle persecution very well if they can't handle their guy being criticized or their voting choices questioned.

Your Other Brothers....concerns and caution

  I ran across Your Other Brothers (YOB) soon after they formed. It is a website where a handful of mostly young guys who are same-sex attracted write posts, which you can also get by email or read on their website. They have also started a podcast recently.

 If you are attracted to the same sex and wanting to be a Christian, it is a rough road. It is lonely, and not many people understand or seem to care. One needs encouragement from others in the same boat, and YOB seemed to be a good place for that.

 However, there have been posts that concerned me, and the amount of posts that concern me has increased. I am going to address those concerns, but first explain why I am doing this blog post:

  A couple of weeks ago, I was bothered a lot by a post and commented on the Facebook page of one of the guys, the one who seems to be in charge of the site and the guy in charge.  He has since blocked me.

 Earlier this week,  I was again bothered by a post and shared some concerns about it and other posts on their site. They deleted it.

   Before they deleted it, it was seen by some people. Two of those guys contacted me, one of whom I know. They both echoed my concerns, and they both said they had commented with their concerns and had their comments deleted. It would seem these young men cannot handle anyone disagreeing with them or pointing out concerns. I am going to chalk it up to their being so young - most of them seem to be in their 20's and 30's. Sure, there is no excuse for their refusal to consider concerns and their deleting comments addressing them....but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt for their youth.

 I am going to address the 2 most recent posts that concerned me, and go from there:

1) Queer Eye

A newer addition to their team did a blog post talking about a show he watches on Netflix  called Queer Eye. I am not entirely sure of what it is all about, but it is definitely a gay show that approves of and glorifies being gay. I think I can safely say if you are trying to live for God and have either left the gay life or are trying not to enter it, watching a gay themed show like that is not going to help you avoid temptation, nor is it going to help your relationship with God.

 And worse, there is the danger of weaker guys reading that post, thinking it is OK to watch shows like that, and falling into sin because a Christian guy with the same struggle as they are discussed how great the show is. (Post here.)

 Ask yourself this question: If you are a guy struggling with same-sex attractions, and are either trying not to go back to the gay life as you serve Christ, or are trying to never go into the gay life at all as you serve Christ......is it going to help or hinder you to watch a gay themed show that affirms everything gay?

 A friend of mine watched a 20 minute clip on YouTube, and said it was full of sexual innuendos and jokes about the male penis.

 Maybe...just maybe these guys can watch the show and not be hindered in any way - though I find that highly doubtful - but the chances of everyone reading their excited approval and defense of the show not being hindered is next to impossible. There is no reason or call for guys running a site to encourage and help others with SSA to post about how great a gay themed show is, and then defend it to anyone who brings up concerns..... and many are bringing up concerns.

 I have a Christian friend at work who is a security guard. I was chatting with her yesterday and asked her to answer a question for me. She knows I deal with SSA, and I wanted the opinion of a Christian who does not. I asked her: "Should a Christian guy who is leaving the gay life behind and trying to avoid going back to it, be watching a gay themed TV show?" She was a bit shocked, and said "absolutely not." She gave reasons, such as it would possibly pull them down. I then explained why I asked, and she recommended I stay away from that site.


2) Gay pride

 Gay pride was the topic of a post last week. The main leader, who blocked me, asked all of the other guys their opinions of gay pride. To my disgust, but not surprise, a couple of them seemed to approve of it and gay pride parades. I firmly believe no Christian should approve of gay pride, but again it is even worse for guys with their platform to voice approval and support of it. (The post is here if you want to read it.)

  There is one guy who often posts a warning with what he says in case someone is triggered. He has often discussed his sexual past, not in graphic detail, but enough detail. I feel he both glorifies his sexual past, and makes it sound like he misses it....the latter being true of some of the other guys. They sound like they wish they were back in their "gay days".....something a friend of mine also mentioned.

 Some years ago, I read about a gay man who was into cross dressing and really lived the gay life to the extreme. He became a Christian and left the gay life behind. One thing he did came to mind as I consider these guys watching a gay themed TV show and defending doing so: This man had a red convertible. He rode it in gay pride parades, and it was such a part of his gay life that he felt he needed to get rid of it.....so he did. I doubt you would have found a guy like that watching gay themed TV shows.

 There were a couple of posts where one guy explained why he wants to be LGBT(Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender). Those posts: here, and here.

 There have been several posts where they talked about past friendships that they almost, or did sexualize in their minds, and spend a lot of time moaning about lost friendships, which sound like they happened because they smothered the friends.

  Overshadowing my other concerns, is the effect some of these posts could have on their readers. I mentioned it already, but it deserves repeating and emphasis. Here you have a group of mostly young guys with same-sex attractions who came up with this website to I assume help and encourage other guys with the same struggle. You would think when others voice concerns about their content, that they would prayerfully consider those concerns, knowing they could lead guys astray with their posts. But for some reason, they refuse to consider such a thing, and shut down any discussion or comments that bring that up.

   I did not write this blog post to be mean or vindictive. Had these guys given consideration to what I and others have said, I doubt I'd be doing it. And one has to wonder how many others have expressed concerns and have been shut down. What are the odds that there were just 2 others that saw my comments before they were deleted, and contacted me? I'd say the odds are slim and it is more than likely that others have also commented with concerns and have been dismissed and shut down.

  I don't mean to be rude, but it truly does not speak well for these guys to not only post things that are questionable, but to delete comments with concerns is not just rude and irresponsible, it is not Christ-like.

 I have linked to their site on my blog, and I am removing that and don't plan on following their site anymore, and am cautioning anyone else who does that they may want to stop visiting the site.

 One of the guys who contacted me made a sad but interesting statement, in light of the seeming missing of the gay life by some of these guys: He wondered where these guys will be in 10 years. If they keep reliving their gay past, watching gay shows, it is possible they will be back where they came from. I hope not, but as my friend also said, they are playing with fire. And it almost seems like they are looking back and longing for the good old gay days by the tone and content of some of their posts.

Follow up:
I used the contact email for the site, giving some of my concerns and telling them I was doing a blog post with my concerns since they had deleted them. I received a reply from the oldest and most conservative guy on the site apologizing that my concerns were discarded. He specifically addressed the gay pride post and didn't feel anyone was approving of gay pride....I feel the idea is given that a couple of them do. It was a nice email, and I replied with a long one outlining my concerns and those of a friend. He replied back and said he would try to get the other guys to consider more what they are posting.

Yesterday,  the main guy sent the following email:

Hey there, Mark.

Thanks for your email. I much prefer this medium for constructive dialogue.

That being said, threats don't inspire me to engage. I always tell people if they don't like how we operate our site ... start their own. I'd personally love to see more voices and communities form in this arena of faith and sexuality.

   The "threat" was my telling them I was doing this blog post since they ignored and deleted concerns of mine and others. He also did an audio post addressing comments that disagreed with some of their posts, and called it nitpicking. I disagree, I believe we have legitimate concerns about a website geared to help guys with same-sex attractions, but may do the opposite.

 Also, I went to  the post about the TV show, and there are others not just expressing concerns about that TV show, but about the direction of the website. These guys need to figure out if they are going to actually post things to help and encourage others, or if they are going to post things approving of gay themed shows and other gay things, and give the idea that though they are Christians, they miss the gay life.

 And if you are one who follows their site, I would give a word of caution. Some of these guys are living too close to the edge. Instead of getting as far from their sin and temptation as they can, they are playing around the edges and are liable to fall back into it. I just hope they don't take anyone with them.

Another update, July 16 2018:
One of the young guys on the site penned this arrogant and uncharitable post condemning anyone who expressed concerns about their content. I am starting to think it best if the site gets shut down. Not only are they posting things that could bring weaker guys down, they don't care, and they attack those with concerns instead of prayerfully considering those concerns.

Post here: https://www.yourotherbrothers.com/2018/07/10/challenge-yob-readers/

June jottings 2

   More stuff that has been going through my little brain lately

1) Summer

  I'll be honest. I don't like the extreme heat of summer.... but I prefer it over winter. Winter is so bleak, dark, and grey. You have bad roads to deal with, always being cold, cleaning snow off your car, shoveling snow, etc. If your car is outside, you rarely can just jump in and go. Even a trip to the store for milk involves cleaning off your car and warming it up.

 But summer..everything is bright and colorful. The days and nights are filled with the sounds of happy animals. People are happier - true fact, depression is worse in the winter.

 My sister and her husband left a couple of those tiki bamboo torches when they left, and I have been sitting out on the front porch with those lit when I can. If I am working the next day, I am in bed when it is just starting to get dark...so it doesn't happen as often as I like. Last night, I sat out there in shorts and t-shirt, drinking a smoothie, and enjoying night life. Life seemed just about perfect then.

 Sadly, summer goes by way too fast. If I blink, the snow will again be falling and there will be no nights on the front porch.

2) Vacation

 I leave for vacation tomorrow at 8 am. I am going with my parents, my little sister and her husband, and my 3 nephews. We are renting a house in beautiful Hocking Hills, OH. I am really looking forward to it.

3) An annoying Facebook thing

 I have a program on my computer on Facebook that blocks out certain words that I choose. It also has a feature that notifies me when someone "un-friends" me. There is a handful of people I am friends with who are constantly deleting their account, then putting it back on after a few days. So I am constantly getting these notices "John Doe is not your friend anymore." Then a few days later, "John Doe is now your friend again." And it is the same people over, and over again. I wish they'd make up their minds if they want to be on Facebook or not.

4) Smoothies

 I decided a couple of weeks ago to make use of my blender, which I hadn't used since I moved in here in August. I don't remember ever making fruit smoothies, but that is what I have been making. I do need to work on it more though. Here is how I do it: I put frozen fruit in the blender, then add some kind of fruit juice. I keep putting too much frozen fruit in, then keep having to add more and more juice until I end up with almost enough smoothie for 2 people. They are good though, if I must say so myself.

5) Supporting Hillary

 One of the things that really has ticked me off about this last election and its aftermath, is the accusation that I am for Hillary if I didn't support Donald Trump.

 Here is the biggest mind twisting stupidity:  These people voted for Donald Trump and act like he is the next best thing to God.....yet he supported Hillary Clinton and her hubby for years by way of donations and other support. He said she was innocent in the Benghazi cover up, and said she would make a great president. And his voters seemed to not have an issue with that. So even if I had been for Hillary, why should they care about little old me when they don't care about Trump?

  The truth of the matter is, it was just attempts at manipulation to get me to vote the way they wanted. Would a true Christian do that? No. People love to say what Jesus would and wouldn't do to fit their agenda, but I can say with certainty that Jesus would not use manipulation to get people to vote how he wanted them to. In fact, I doubt He'd even be involved in politics and voting. He would be too busy trying to help people and win them to him.....not putting them down for not voting a certain way.

  And by the way, it isn't easy not being in the camp that supports Trump. You are pretty much a pariah to the rest of the Republican Party.

6) Father's Day

 Father's Day has been kind of tough for me for several years. One of my biggest regrets is never having the opportunity to be a father. If you pay attention to my blog posts, you know why that has not happened.

 I have said it before, but I am so thankful I do have the opportunity to be an uncle to 6 great kids, and that I am such a part of their lives.

7) Fry pies

  If you have never had a fry pie, you are missing out. They are small pieces of pie dough, filled with fruit filling, deep fried, then dribbled with icing. I used to rarely get them, as I had to go to the Amish section of Ohio to get them....which wasn't very often. However, a Mennonite-owned store around the corner from me started making them. Temptation is a lot closer. They only make them on Thursdays and Fridays, so I can't get them every week.....though I did get a couple of day old ones yesterday (Saturday).

 And now that I talked about them, I want one... but they are all gone.

8) Too political

 Is it possible Christians are too political? Do we worry too much about who wins office, instead of spreading the Gospel? What is more important to us: the way they vote, or their spiritual state?

9) Books for vacation

 I packed a good stack of books I hope to read on vacation. I am not sure what all we will be doing, and how much time we will be spending at the house we rented, but I do stay up later than everyone else......so I shall read.

10) A/C

 I am thankful for air conditioning. I do not have central air, but do have 4 window units. I have had the one in my bedroom going for a few weeks now... the upstairs gets really hot. So far, I have managed not to use any downstairs, though it got pretty warm down here today. I may have to break down and put in the living room unit soon.

 But I still love summer.

Pride

  **Another post which may make the average Christian uncomfortable. If you are not the average Christian, you have nothing to fear!

  I have debated about posting this possibly more than any other I have posted. Posting something like this can open me up for a lot of stuff I don't want to deal with.

  I mentioned it before, but back during the election, a lady from my church said I shouldn't have an issue with Donald Trump, given my past. She doesn't know me well enough to make such statements, as she doesn't know what I have done or haven't done. If she has paid attention, she most likely knows and was referring to the fact that I am attracted to guys and not women. She is most likely not the only person to have those thoughts. There is a lot I could say in reply to what she said, and what others may be thinking.... but I am not. If I was running for a political office and people could see everything I have done and said, the religious right might go running from voting for me. But this is not a political post, so I am not going to get political. I am aware I could be judged, and am aware of what people may think....but I honestly don't care. There are few people on my list of who I care what they think of me. Most of them are related to me. Fear of what people may or may not think of me is not going to stop me from discussing this issue that is such a big part of my life.

 Something happened today that made me decide to actually post this. A man I am not friends with on Facebook messaged me. I am always leery of accepting such messages, as they are often hate filled rants for comments I made politically or other, but I clicked on it. To respect his privacy, I won't give any details except he is a guy who struggles with same-sex attractions, feels very alone, and feels rejected by the church. He ran across my Gay Cross post, and was encouraged by it. We chatted some, and hopefully will do so more in the future. That is why I talk about this stuff. If what I write helps even one person struggling, it is worth whatever people think of me for posting it. That all said, here is the actual post:

   June is Pride month, as in gay pride. I have been thinking about it all month, and it is difficult not to since we are reminded everywhere that it is going on.

 I am going to make a statement, and follow it up with some other thoughts you may disagree with.... but stick with me:

 I understand gay pride, and their need to celebrate it.

  For years, gay people had to hide their sexuality. It was the norm to ridicule and ostracize someone who was attracted to the same sex. There was a day it could get you fired, and suffering in other ways. You could get beaten up and killed if people knew. You still can in some countries.

   It isn't fun to hide it. I realized I was attracted to the same sex at the age of 21 while in a very conservative Bible college. (Looking back, I can see the signs way earlier, I was just a naive kid who barely knew what gay meant.) Had anyone known at that time, I would have been kicked out of that Bible college with no understanding or compassion. I became a master at hiding it, at dodging the questions about why I wasn't married or dating. I wore a mask that left people believing I had no desire to marry.

   But inside, I was a terrified guy. I was scared to death of people finding out my deep, dark secret.....that I, Mark Buzard, had no attraction or interest in women. No, I was attracted to and interested in other guys. No one could ever find out. I sat in the church pew for years, afraid people in the church would find out and cause me to feel more alone than I already felt. I stopped going to the altar because preachers said you should pray aloud up there, and there was no way I was praying aloud about my struggles. I felt alone and without help in the very place I should have felt the opposite.

    There were some very rough years. I wish I had had the resources and people available to me then that I have now. There were times I so badly wanted to end it all, but knew I'd drop straight into hell and leave my family devastated...... so I kept getting up every day and trying my best to deal with the cards I had been dealt. Thankfully,  I have several Facebook friends who also deal with this issue, or have loved ones who do. Back then, I had no one. There were a few books on the subject....but very few. I can still remember the first time I bought one at my local Christian bookstore.....where they knew me well. I lied and said I had a gay relative. Later, after a "friend"/coworker outtted me to everyone there while I was working there, I reminded that same lady about it..... and she said she never thought anything of it. A side note...that same lady has a gay son my age who lives with his lover, and she never had anyone to talk to about it until my sexuality got broadcasted to everyone at the store. So good can come out of bad.

  I find myself wondering if I had then what I have now if I would have done some of the things I did as I struggled and floundered with these feelings and struggles I had no clue how to deal with. I wonder if I could have believed God loved me sooner if I hadn't been so alone in my secrets, shame, and struggles.

 But the past is the past, and it cannot be changed.

    I eventually started confiding in a person here and there over the years. The more people I told, the easier it got to tell. I started talking about it on this blog, but in general terms that people would have to read between the lines to know what I was talking about..... and some people got it. One of my favorite cousins messaged me at one point and said she got it and gave me some very positive words I appreciated.

   And then as I have mentioned before, I did a blog post on here where I just admitted it in blunt terms. And it made a tremendous difference in my life. Unless you have had a secret you were afraid people would find out, you will never understand the feelings when you drag the secret out into public and not care anymore.

   One thing that has happened, is the shame is gone. I am not ashamed I am attracted to other guys. It isn't my fault. I didn't ask for it, nor can I change it. God helps in that area, but for most of us we will deal with it on some level for life. Does that mean I am glad I have these attractions? No. I am not, but it could be something worse. I am just not ashamed anymore. Sure, there may be people who shun me because of it.... I really don't know. I think more people shun be because I am anti-Trump than because of my same-sex attractions. I am kind of joking......People may be uncomfortable and wonder why I talk about it so much, but it is freeing and I just don't worry what people think anymore. Plus, it encouraged me to find others in the same boat as me, I hope to also encourage others......while helping Christians who have no clue to get a clue.

    But all of these gay people celebrating gay pride month are experiencing those same feelings. Many of them hid their sexuality, afraid of people finding out. Some remember the days when it was dangerous to be gay. Some have been kicked out of their parents' house for being gay, but have found people to accept them for who they are. They, like me, are no longer ashamed.

   Unlike them though, I am not proud. Not being ashamed and being proud are two very different things. The Bible condemns pride, and says it goes before destruction. It is sad that a month is celebrated by so many who are proud to be gay. Proud of behavior and sin that will one day send them to hell unless they repent.

  Yes, I understand the gay pride, but I don't agree with it. I don't believe cities should have to host gay pride parades. I don't believe the stuff that goes on in those parades should be allowed to go on in public, but for some reason our country bows to anything gay and lets them get away with all sorts of things that should not be seen and done in public. And yeah...even I wonder what would happen if anyone tried to have straight pride parades.

   Walls Down is a great ministry I follow on Facebook. Their mission statement is: "To tear down the walls that exist between the LGBT community and God's family and to equip the church to reach out and love them effectively through the power of the Gospel." I usually agree with what they post and do, but they posted an article on the 9th that I disagreed with. They defend pride month and gay pride parades. (Article here.) I don't want to do that, and I hope I have not. I have attempted to show why I understand and relate to it.....but I do not agree with or approve of it. As I said earlier, being unashamed and being proud are two very different things.

   As this month rolls along with the constant gay pride parades and reminders of it across TV and social media, try this: pray for these people. Many of them think Christians hate them, with good reason. There are many who seem beyond the reach of God's grace. But no one is. Let me introduce you to David Bennett, former agnostic and gay rights activist.....now Christian and part of the ministry of Ravi Zacharias, and one of my new heroes. He has a book coming out in October that is on my wish list, A War of Loves. He is proof that God can reach the most militant of gay people.

 And remember, pride is always a sin....not just gay pride, but all pride.

June jottings

 I started this a few weeks ago, and am just now getting it posted.

1) Emotional in the card aisle

   My youngest of 3 nieces graduated last month. I was buying a graduation card for her this past week, and got a bit misty-eyed. Yeah, I am an emotional sap. That is all 3 nieces graduated. There are still my 3 nephews in school, and with the youngest being 11, it will be a while til they are all graduated.

2) The nephew

  My oldest nephew will be 16 in October, and is the only one of my nephews who has a cell phone. We text back and forth occasionally, and he usually ends with "I love you Uncle Mark".....which makes me feel really good. I don't know how many boys his age would do that with their uncle, but I am glad he does.

3) Good-bye Straight Talk

 I have been using Straight Talk for quite a while now. I don't like it very well for a few reasons, but it is cheap. I have been paying $45 a month, which is a lot less than I'd pay for Verizon or AT&T....but I really loathe them.

 My sister, brother-in-law, and my nieces recently went with Cricket Wireless. They are very happy with it, so I decided to check it out. Unlike Straight Talk. they have an actual store. I went in 2 weeks ago  to check it out, and ended up switching and getting a new phone. I will be paying $10 less a month which is cool, and they do seem much better than Straight Talk.

4) The phone

 My new phone may take some getting used to. There doesn't seem to be a flashing light indicator for text messages and other such things, whereas my old one did. It does seem to be a good phone, and I only paid $79.99 for it.

 One complaint I had with Straight Talk was you could not upgrade the Android operating system, and you were stuck with whatever came on it. There are apps I could not download to my old phone because the operating system was too old. With Cricket, you can upgrade.

5) The birthday

 May 26th was my birthday. I didn't do much, which was the idea. I had asked off work, so I was able to sleep in. I went to a nearby restaurant for their breakfast buffet, and was seated by my youngest niece who took her break to eat with me.....made my day. She, her 2 sisters, and her mom all work there. The rascal told my waitress it was my birthday, so I got sung to and got a cupcake.

 It was cute.....2 ladies stopped at my table and said the little girl with them wanted to tell me something. She shyly told me "happy birthday". How sweet!

 After grabbing my prescriptions and a few groceries, I went home and stayed there.

 My parents too me and niece #2 out to Bob Evans Friday evening. Allie's birthday was the day after mine.

 Sunday, the 27th, our whole gang got together for both birthdays after church.

6) Insult to soldiers

  One frustrating thing for we who do not like Donald Trump, is how overboard some of his supporters go. "He is the most pro-Christian president ever"...uh, no he is not. "Trump, making Christmas great again!"....... and other stuff like that. Even if he were a decent and good man, this kind of stuff would be too much.....but for a man with his lack of character, morals, etc.... it is definitely way too much.

 But Memorial Day week........Ugh. There is a picture I have seen several times around holidays like Memorial Day. It is of an American solider in cammo pants and white t-shirt, posing beside a flag while holding a gun. Well, now  there is the same picture floating around that has Donald Trump in the picture. Donald Trump avoided the draft - 5 times I think - and it is an insult to American soldiers everywhere to put him in that picture.

 While I am on that, I firmly believe no one should be president who has not served in the military. After all, the president is the commanding officer over our military, so am I the only one who thinks it is ludicrous to have someone over our military who has never served?

 And I felt that way long before DT ran.

7) Holidays

 I don't work holidays at my job, but I get holiday pay. The last few holidays we have had, I have still ended up working my usual 4 days that week, and my holiday pay just sat unused......though I can use it for days off. Memorial Day week,  I actually got an extra day off, and worked 3 days instead of my usual 4.

8) Being a smart female

  No woman deserves to be raped or "asks for it". However, women do need to be smarter.

If a guy asks you to his room, it isn't just for coffee. Most men doing that have sex on their mind. Don't want to be raped in a guy's motel room? Don't go to his room.

  There have been many young girls who went to a party, drank, and ended up getting raped. Don't want that to happen? Don't go to parties where there is drinking and hang out with people who do.

 Don't want your boyfriend to force you? Stop him at first base, not when he is attempting to get across the home plate.....and don't dress like a Victoria Secret model.

  I could go on, but you get the point. If a woman truly wants to be safe from being raped, she is going to be more careful about where she goes and with whom.....be more careful about what she does when she is around guys. Getting high or drunk with guys you don't know.....real smart.......not that drugs are smart anyway.

9) Women and ties

 If a woman has the same job as a man and the man has to wear a tie, shouldn't the woman? "But a tie is for men", you say......well so are pants, but women decided they wanted to dress like men and now it is considered normal for women to wear them......so if a woman is going to wear everything else a man wears for a job, she should have to also wear the tie.

10) Praying for a president

 I had a few people take issue with my saying I don't pray for Donald Trump. I didn't pray for Obama either, though I prayed about him.... that God would stop him from destroying our freedoms and our country, and to get him out of office somehow.

 Here are some thoughts on praying for a president:

a) Pray just what? If they are a bad president, I don't want to pray for his health or success.

b) If you toss this at people when you support the president, do you toss it at people as quickly when you do not support a president?

c) Did you pray for Obama, Hillary, and other liberals?

d) When you bring this verse up to people, are you keeping the rest of the commands of the Bible.....such as turning the other cheek, a soft answer turns away wrath, have no fellowship with darkness.. and so forth, or are you picking and choosing which verses you will keep?

11) Vacation 

  Next week is my vacation. Every year for around 20 years, my sister Vicki and her family have been going to the Outer Banks. The rest of my family started going at some point, and then eventually my brother-in-law's family decided they wanted to go......so we go every other year now with my sister and her family. This is an off year for us, so the rest of us....my parents, me, my little sister and her husband, and my 3 nephews are going to Hocking Hills, OH. I am not sure what all is there to see and do, but there is hiking, waterfalls, and caves. One plus is that it is only a 4 hour drive, compared to the 12 hour drive to the Outer Banks. I am really looking forward to it.

12) Visit

 A  month from now, my best friend will be coming for a week's visit. We have been friends for 12 years, but only get to see each other once a year most years. So for a week, I will have someone to hang out with, shop with, eat out with, watch movies with, etc. We have very different tastes in music and books.. and somewhat in movies, but agree on the important stuff..... like religion and politics, though he doesn't speak out like I do.

13) Mower

 I had a nice surprise today. I have had to mow with the push mower for the last several weeks, and found the riding mower in the barn and fixed today when I was getting ready to mow. I have been mowing at least 2 acres, so it was nice to have the riding mower working again.

 The only downside....there goes my main exercise regimen.

14) Mouse

 I discovered last week that I had a mouse....it left evidence in a few drawers in the kitchen. I had to wash all of my pans and silverware and other cooking utensils. I set a trap 2 nights and it got away with the peanut butter. They were the old traditional kind. I bought a different kind yesterday that is a black plastic box. It is spring loaded too, but it got the mouse so it must be better.

 They are supposed to be re-usable....but the non-masculine side of me is like "no way!" I even set it in a box so I wouldn't have to touch it. I took it to the burn pile, poured a little gasoline on it, threw the rest of my burnable trash on top, and lit it. Not all mice have a funeral pyre.

15) Reading goal

 I have read 76 books so far towards my goal of 130 for the year, and am 19 books ahead, according to Goodreads. I may actually hit  the goal.

 

Nick, Joni, and I

**This is one of those blog posts where I talk about things relating to my personal struggles, which may make some people uncomfortable.

   I have had my share of arguing and debating people who want to claim that you can be Christian and gay. And by gay here, I mean engaging in sexual activity with the same sex. I was in a Facebook group for Christian bloggers a while back that was inundated with liberal Christians claiming so, and they were very hard on anyone who dared go with what the Bible says. I was actually called a hateful bigot several times by a man who claims to be a pastor, but is a false prophet.... John....even though he knew I myself deal with that issue.

   A few months back, a guy on Facebook sent me a friend request. He's a nice guy, but is a liberal Christian. He posted last week in regards to the baker and Supreme Court case "Jesus would bake the cake, and it would be a good one." I commented my disagreement, which led to a back and forth debate on Facebook messenger throughout the day. The debate was civil, even on my part...which can be difficult for me. I take it seriously when well meaning Christians pat gay people on the back and tell them the Bible doesn't really say it is a sin, and they can be Christian and gay....as in having sex. It bothers me a lot, and irritates me a lot. I believe there will be a lot of gay people in hell, helped there by well meaning Christians.

   But anyway, one statement my friend made has stuck with me. If I understand everything he said in  our long conversation, he doesn't believe a Christian can have casual gay sex, but he believes God approves of a monogamous gay relationship.

  It would take a lot of scrolling to find his exact words, but it boils down to this: "I cannot believe God would expect a gay person to stay celibate, and go to hell if he gives in and has a gay relationship." It reminds me of the serpent's words to Eve "Did God indeed say 'You shall not eat of every tree of the garden?"

  We tend to look at things with our human emotions. It isn't fair that someone who is attracted to the same sex has to be lonely and not have someone to love. And it isn't. Pardon my "french", but it sucks. But life isn't always fair. And life isn't all about having a relationship with someone. That should not be our goal. Our goal should be a relationship with Jesus, more than anything else. What is more important to us, sex and a relationship with a person, or pleasing God and having a relationship with Him?

  Two of my all time heroes are Nick Vujicic and Joni Eareckson Tada. Nick was born with no arms or legs, just a foot. He is an amazing guy who has not let his handicaps stop him from living life to the fullest, and has done such things as surfed and other things you would think a guy like him would not be able to do. He is married with I think 4 kids now. He goes all over the world speaking, and has written at least 4 books. God has used him in ways he would never have been used had he been born whole.

   Joni Eareckson Tada had a diving accident at the age of 17 in 1967 that paralyzed her from the neck down. She has spent 51 years in a wheelchair, but like Nick she has not let that stop her from doing God's work. She has authored several books, speaks, paints, and more. She has a ministry to get wheelchairs to those who cannot afford them or have access to them.

 Now let's weigh the options here. If you had to pick one of these 3, which would you pick:

1) Born with no limbs

2) Paralyzed from the neck down for most of your life.

3) Same-sex attraction, and most likely a celibate lonely life.

  None of these are fair. No one asks for any of them, and all are stuck with them for life. (Different people progress different with SSA. Some are able to marry the opposite sex and make it work, and a small number lose the SSA completely..... but most deal with it on some level all their lives.)

   I can tell you which I'd pick: the one I got stuck with. Yeah, it has been hell at times. It is lonely. Most Christians don't get it and have no clue. Some Christians equate it with being a child molester. You are feared by one side, and hated by the other if you dare suggest change is possible and necessary.

 But to have no limbs or be paralyzed.......no. I couldn't handle that.

  It isn't fair what I deal with, but it isn't fair that those 2 godly individuals deal with what they have. You see, God is all about making us like Him and getting us to Heaven to spend eternity with Him. His purpose is not to make us happy. Sure, if we are in the center of His will, we should be happy to some extent.

 But to say hundreds of years of godly men were wrong, and that suddenly shallow, liberal-minded men who are as close to God as we are to  the moon suddenly know better than those men (and the Bible) ....it is ludicrous. It is ludicrous to say God is OK with what the Bible clearly says is a sin, because it isn't fair for gay people to not have sex and to not have someone to love.

  The Old Testament has some blunt things to say about this sin. It is called an abomination. Several sexual sins are condemned, and the penalty for most was stoning. Jesus came and removed those penalties, but not the penalty of hell. And Jesus was actually harder on sin than the Old Testament. For instance, He went further on adultery and said if a man looks lustfully at a woman, he commits adultery. That same Jesus is not going to suddenly be OK with homosexuality. And no, just because He didn't address it, it does not mean He changed His mind about it. There are other things He didn't address that are definitely wrong.

   Being a Christian involves some words that are absent when 2 guys (or women) are screwing each other and claiming to be Christians: denying yourself, sacrifice, carrying a cross. My life has not always gone like I wanted, and I took some roads I never should have taken. There have been times when God seemed so far away, and I despaired of ever being who and what I should be. But no matter my state in all of these years, I have always firmly believed the Bible is clear that sex between 2 people of the same gender is sin, and will lead to an eternity in hell. Along with many other sins.

  Anyone who gambles their soul on these liberal Christians' beliefs that you can be gay and Christian, are fools and will pay for it some day. God won't give anyone a free pass on judgment day because well meaning Christians told them they could do it.

  And to these people claiming you can be gay and Christian, I leave the following verse. The previous verse lists several sins that will send people to hell, including homosexuality. And then this awesome verse is next. If it is OK, then why was the need to be delivered from it?