Invisible

    I had an interesting experience this week while vacationing in  Ohio's Amish country. I stayed Tuesday-Thursday, and came home late Thursday afternoon. 

  Tuesday was a rainy dreary day, and I spent most of it going to the several thrift stores i the area. There are at least twelve, including a Goodwill. I went to nine of them on Tuesday.

 On Wednesday, I mainly went to souvenir and touristy shops. When the weather is nice - which it was - I like to park my car at one end of Berlin, Ohio and just walk the main street, checking out the stores. 

 After checking into my second place I stayed at - I couldn't get the same place for two nights - I decided to got to the thrift store that is out of the way in Wilmot, OH. There is a restaurant there, The Amish Door, that I ate at a couple times a few years back. They closed, but reopened in a bigger building in the same lot. I decided to go there for supper. 

I walked in, was seated right away and given a menu. The place is huge. I was seated at a table in the one section of the restaurant that had booths and tables, mostly filled. And I sat. And sat. There were waiters and waitresses walking past my table, and no one acknowledged me. There was a waiter that stopped a couple of times at the table beside me that I figured was my waiter, but he never even looked at me.

Finally after at least twelve minutes, I chased down an employee at the salad bar who looked annoyed to be bothered. I told her I had been waiting over ten minutes with no one taking my order,  and asked if I had a waiter or waitress. After checking where I was seated, she headed off. A couple of minutes later, the guy I assumed was my waiter came to my table and apologized for not noticing me. I got the buffet/salad bar, and had mediocre service from him.

While eating my first plate of food, I bumped my glass of pop, knocking it over. I tried to get the attention of a couple of staff walking by, but they just kept walking. So I mopped up the mess as best as I could with napkins, pushing the ice cubes on the table onto my empty salad plate, and kicking the ones on the floor under the table. The same girl I had bugged earlier went by busing tables, and dropped one of her cloths and it caught under the wheel of her cart. I tried to get her attention to tell her, but she just kept going.

I felt invisible for most of my time in that restaurant. I am not exaggerating. It was as if the staff couldn't even see me sitting there, even when I made a mess. I was embarrassed, but no one even seemed to notice. 

I used to feel weird about eating out on my own, especially when asked "Just one?" But I got to the point it doesn't bother me. Much. I tip well for good service, and don't camp out at a table. But sometimes I do feel like I am being an inconvenience since I am just one person eating out. 

But this experience...ugh. I am guessing that if I had three people with me at the table for four, or even one or two, I would have been noticed faster. Maybe.

It seriously was a weird experience. I have never felt so un-noticed and invisible in my life. Oh, I am sure there were other times, but this was on steroids. 

It made me think. 

Years ago when I worked at the Christian bookstore in Salem, OH, the owners had a speaker come to talk about customer service. They treated us to supper, then the guy spoke. He told a true story that has stuck with me about a young man who committed suicide. I can't remember if the speaker gave many details about what was going on in this guy's life, but this is what I do remember:

In his his suicide note, he said how lonely he was, and how invisible. He walked into a Christian bookstore hoping someone would approach him. No one did. No one even asked him if he needed help. He went home, wrote a suicide note, and killed himself. 

I am not excusing his suicide. I know in my personal experience of dealing with depression that there are all kinds of thoughts and feelings one deals with. There are times I am lonely, but a lot of the time I enjoy solitude and enjoy staying home avoiding people. I have battled bad thoughts, but know what the answers are and are not. 

But how many people are out there feeling invisible. Lonely. Unnoticed. I think my church does pretty well with visitors. They all aren't like me, who rarely approaches non-family members, and escapes the church as soon as the song leader stops holding us hostage after church is over. (I might explain that at the end😀) There are cards to fill out, and I know my pastor and assistant pastor go out of their way to speak to visitors and even visit if they leave information.

I am sure though, that there are many churches where someone could slip in and out without people noticing them and speaking to them.

And not just churches. Everywhere there are people who go un-noticed. They are invisible, maybe because of their appearance, or maybe they stink, or have other issues that make people avoid them.

There is a shirt I have seen on line, and one came up for review on Amazon that I missed out on recently, so I bought one and have been wearing it. I have a couple of hoodies coming that say the same thing. (Got a fairly good deal on one, then they popped up an offer to get a second one cheaper. The shirt says on the front: You are enough. The back says "Dear person behind me....." The company that started it advertise them as a suicide deterrent, and have testimonials. Could a shirt like that deter suicide? I guess it is possible. I wore mine Tuesday when I was on my trip, and had a few positive comments. The first took me aback a bit. I was looking at clearance books in a thrift store, and a guy probably a little older than me fist bumped me. I was wondering "what on earth", then he said "Thanks for making me smile with the message on the back of your shirt." Hmm. Cool. 

When I am out in public, despite wanting to avoid people, I try to smile at people and say hi or good morning if they make eye contact. Who knows what people are going through. Maybe they feel invisible, un-noticed, unloved. It might not make a difference in their life....but what if it does?

Jesus noticed people. There are a couple of Bible stories that stand out to me regarding that:

1) The woman with the issue of blood. I won't go into the whys, but she was a social outcast because of her issue. She was untouched. People avoided her. But she thought if she could just touch the hem of his garment, she might be healed. I am sure she thought she'd touch it, then scurry away without being noticed. She never was, so why would this time be any different.

But oh, how wrong she was. Jesus immediately asked "Who touched me?" He knew who had, but He wanted her to voice it and why. Maybe He wanted her to feel noticed. His disciples told Jesus someone in the crowd probably bumped into her, but He persisted. So this woman spoke up and admitted it was her. Then Jesus told her that her faith had made her well, and to go in peace. 

Thread of Hope by one of my favorite groups puts it like this:

The woman needed healing of that dreaded disease
Her money brought physicians but only Jesus could bring relief
And though her last thread of hope was worn down to a strand
Her heart held onto faith til she could touch him with her hand 

Cause when you're hanging by a thread 
Still you can climb life's mountain
Though the cliffs are rough and jagged you can cope
If you should slip and reach ropes end
You'll find the hem of his garment
So don't let go of that last thread of hope

2) The woman at the well. This one really gets to me, in a good way. Jesus told His disciples that He needed to go through Samaria. A people looked down on by the Jews. There's a song Karen Peck and New River recorded several years ago. The first verse talks about her:

She could not believe
He would come to her city
Come to a Samaritan well
But He offered and got her
To drink livin' water
Now she's got a story to tell

To make a way
He went out of His way
Came to me
Left Heaven one day
He took a journey alone
Left a Father and home
To make a way
He went out of His way

The Jews just did not like the Samaritans, yet here is Jesus going out of His way to see a woman that was a social outcast even among her people. She had had five husbands, and was shacking up with at least a sixth guy. But Jesus asked her for a drink. Her response was "The Samaritan woman said to him, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?”  (John 4:9 ESV) She was shocked that He noticed her, and would ask someone like her for water. But He went out of His way to let her know she was seen, noticed, loved, and in need of a Savior who loved even her. 

Jesus always sees us. Notices us. Loves us. No matter how invisible we are or feel we are, He always sees us. And may all who claim to be followers of Him do the same.

In closing....

The hostage thing. Several years ago, they started something at my church. After the closing prayer was said, the song leader would sing lead out in a chorus to give my pastor time to get back to the door to shake hands with people as they leave. For several years, we were in a rut and did the Doxology. Now, the song leader picks a song or chorus that has something to do with the sermon. Here's the thing: Church is over. I want to leave, but I have to stand there while we sing. And sometimes all the verses of the song, or repeat verses and the chorus. So I kind of view it as being held hostage. 😃

Secondly, I absolutely do not recommend the mentioned restaurant. The food on the bar wasn't that great. I am guessing it is under new management. 

Now go out and do your best to make sure anyone crossing your part does not feel invisible. 

Christian culture of contempt

  

I had a rare phone conversation with my best friend, Steven,  who lives in Kentucky. I was pretty upset about something, so he texted some and suggested we chat on the phone later, so we did. 

 He, like me, is conservative politically, and also like me, is anti-Trump. (He remarked once that good thing we agree on DT or our friendship might not survive.)

 Steven's favorite, or close to favorite, author is Dallas Willard. I don't think I have ever read anything by him, but Steven has quoted him a lot over the years. Steven related something Willard talked about on a recent podcast. I looked it up and was going to listen, but it was over an hour long...an hour and 20 minutes, in fact. I barely manage to listen to my pastor's 30-35 minute sermons, so that wasn't happening. 😀

 Anyway, I'll relate what Willard said and go from there. He feels - and I agree - that there is this huge culture of contempt within the church/among Christians. And he stated where he believes it started, or had a big part of the start: Rush Limbaugh (and likely other "conservative" talk show hosts).

 Think about it, especially if you ever listened to Rush, Sean Hannity, or others. Rush Limbaugh (and others) made a career out of contempt for Democrats and anyone who disagreed with him. He and others constantly go after Democrats, hating on them - having total contempt for them - making money out of total contempt and pushing contempt for the other party and anyone else they disagree with. He and others have delighted in putting people in their place and making a fool of people who call in to disagree. 

 And evangelical Christians in the Republican Party have loved it and thrived on it, and it has soaked into us so we easily are guilty of the same thing: total contempt for Democrats and anyone who doesn't fit into our box: illegal immigrants, gay people, people with tattoos, anyone who disagrees with or criticizes Donald Trump, etc. 

It is so ingrained in us that it comes naturally, and we don't even see it or care to see it. 

How and why did Donald Trump get elected by the religious right?
Serial adulterer who bragged about it
Bragged about sexually assaulting women
Vulgar
Draft dodger
Long time supporter of Democrats, even helped fight the Tea Party
Made supportive statements about Planned baby murder (Planned "Parenthood")
Bully
And his current wife even did lesbian porn....can you imagine if that was Biden or Obama's wife?

  And yet he beat out the conservatives and Christians for the GOP nomination. Why?
Because suddenly after years of he and his family being in bed with and supporting the Democrats and his policies, he developed contempt for Democrats. And Christians loved it. The more he put down the Democrats, the more contempt and hateful rhetoric he pushed, the more the religious right loved him and ignored all the reasons he should never have got  their vote. 

But Mark, you have contempt for Donald Trump! Yeah, I do. I don't think there is anyone I dislike more.  It is amazing to me that for years I went along with it all. Hate, contempt, mockery, etc of Democrats, and no one had a problem with it. As long as you hate and have contempt for the same people as the evangelical Christians in  the Republican party, all is well. I said some pretty harsh things about Obama, and no one ever blinked. But even those closest to me don't believe in my freedom of speech to criticize Donald Trump. Suddenly it is "judge not!" "Instead of criticizing him, try praying for him." And more. Suddenly I am the target of contempt and a source of embarrassment because I dare oppose and speak up against the political savior of the Republican Party. A man just as hateful and divisive as Obama. 

Every conservative and Christian in the Republican Party should try opposing the guy everyone else loves once in a lifetime. It has not been easy, but it has been eye opening. It is amazing the double standard Christians even in my own church demand with Trump. It is ok to hate and have contempt for Democrats, illegal immigrants, conservatives who dare oppose their guy, etc....but not OK to criticize their guy and his words and actions. 

Biden was a horrible president. Though not the worst. That "honor" belongs to Obama. But after so many months of it, I became appalled at a couple of things:

#1. It was obvious that Biden has had dementia, Alzheimer's, or something like that for a long time. Yet Christians mocked him for it, made fun of him, joked about it, etc. Yes, he should have stepped aside, and his wife should be flogged publicly for letting him stay in office. But should Christians have acted that way? If someone was making fun of a loved one, or even a neighbor or fellow church member like that, they'd be horrified and angry. But since it was a Democrat, it was OK. 

#2. There has been no evidence or proof that Biden was a pedophile. Yet Christians and conservatives shared picture after picture of Biden with kids and declaring him a pedophile. (While overlooking Trump's bragging about sexual assault and the pictures of Trump with kids).
Accusing someone of pedophilia is a huge thing. It should not be done lightly. Trump supporters are all up in arms at any suggestion Trump could be on the Epstein list - and that IS a possibility given his connections with Epstein - but come on.... there is no evidence of Biden being a pedophile, but since he is a Democrat, the MAGA party didn't need proof. They just accused. 

I have stated before that my faith has been about destroyed. The way Christians are about Trump, how they act when defending him, things said to me....good grief, the statement that "True Christians will vote for Trump" made by a guy going to my church at that time - and by others - went unchallenged, yet it is such a huge lie. But not one Trump supporter in my church called him out. My church is ultra conservative, and I'll never get why so many love a man like Trump. He is the total opposite of Jesus. 

Jesus was not political, yet so many Christians are way too political. Should we not vote? Yes, we should vote our conscience, even if that means voting third party. Should we not address what politicians are doing wrong? Yes, we should....but we should be careful how we do it.

God is love. He IS love. He doesn't just love as a verb, but He IS love. And in 1 John 4:8, He says this:  "Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love." (ESV)
Do we Evangelical Christians love Nancy Pelosi? The illegal immigrant? Joe Biden? The tattooed guy? Donald Trump? 

I am not going to un-Christianize anyone. God knows my Christianity and conservatism has been questioned and knocked because I don't support the most liberal candidate to ever run for, much less win, the GOP nomination. But how much contempt and hate can we have for anyone - even Democrat politicians - even Donald Trump - and truly know God? God loves everyone, even those we have contempt and hate for, and He is saying we must love them also or we don't know Him. 

It isn't popular to question the status quo. We have so Americanized, Republicanized, and yes....Trumpized Christianity, that to dare question how illegal immigration is being handled, to dare suggest we have compassion and love for them is met with accusations of being liberal, and other lovely statements. 

"Russell Moore told NPR that evangelical pastors he works with are facing pushback when preaching the words and ethics of Jesus. He said, “Multiple pastors tell me, essentially, the same story about quoting Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount [and] to have someone come up after to say, ‘Where did you get those liberal talking points?’ … What was alarming to me is that in most of these scenarios, when the pastor would say, I’m literally quoting Jesus Christ, the response would be, ‘Yes, but that doesn’t work anymore. That’s weak.’” Zach Lambert

Steven - the aforementioned best friend - and I were talking about the story of the Good Samaritan. He questioned what would happen if it was an illegal immigrant lying there by the side of the road, beaten up and robbed. I fear way too many Christians would pass to the other side. Some might check his status and help if he was legal. I fear some might finish him off if they had a gun. 

"Imagine cheering at the idea of human beings being eaten by alligators and somehow still expecting us to believe you are “pro life,” let alone a follower of Jesus." Rev Benjamin Cremer

I could be wrong - I am occasionally 😁  - but I wonder if one reason we aren't seeing revival is because of this culture of contempt that is so prevalent among Christians. If we are having so much contempt and hate for Democrats, illegal immigrants, people who oppose our favorite political, etc, God cannot be happy, and why would He send revival? Could that be one reason our country is so wicked and there is so much corruption because Christians are too political to love, to spread the Gospel, to be salt and light. To be peace makers, to have and exhibit the fruits of the spirit.

Jesus called his followers to "love your neighbor as yourself."

Not control your neighbor.

Not mock your neighbor.

Not shame your neighbor.

Not dehumanize your neighbor.

Not demonize your neighbor.

Not defeat your neighbor.

Jesus said, “love your neighbor as yourself.” (Rev Benjamin Cremer)

I'm barely holding on, to be honest. My faith has been shattered. My heart has been hurt. I have been bitter and angry. I need a version of Christianity that is not political. One that is Biblical, and does not insist I have to vote for and support whoever wins the GOP nomination. I need a version of Christianity that spreads love, not contempt and division and that does not put you down for voting your conscience. A version of Christianity that doesn't just believe in the freedom of speech for some, but for all. A version of Christianity that holds the Bible before the Constitution and the Republican platform. A version  of Christianity that is Biblical and loves. 

And I have come to a very elementary and kind of "duh" realization. As I have sat in the shattered remains of my faith these last 9 years or so, as I have struggled with hurt, disappointment, anger, and bitterness.....Jesus has not changed. He never was - and never will be - political. He loves us because He IS love, and I was wrong to let politics and people destroy my faith. I am making slow progress, but it is progress. Jesus never changes and never fails, and always, always loves. 

I have already left the Republican Party. I try to back off from politics, but see so much that frustrates me. And I give in and post. I have thought about deleting Facebook, and were it not for the authors I follow and how much book related stuff I use it for, I probably would do that. Maybe I just need to un-follow some people. 😏

I am far from perfect. God has a ton of work to do on me. I want to have a true relationship with him and love people. All people. And yeah, I will never stop opposing Trump or speaking out against him and his wrong policies, but I need to work on not having so much contempt for him. When I talk about contempt, I am preaching to myself also. (Made that bold so no one misses it).

We talk so much about how evil the Democrat Party is. Yet the Republican Party is far, far from being Biblical. Just last year, they removed opposition to abortion and gay marriage from their official platform - done by Trump offspring. The recent handling of illegal immigration is not Biblical. It is time for Christians to stop just going along with whatever the Republican Party does and call them out instead of ignoring and going along. Republican does not equal Christian, and I cannot imagine God is any happier with the GOP than with the Dems. 

We need a third party. A truly conservative one. 

God's Kingdom is based on love. Our political parties are not. It is my firm belief we all need to back away from being so political, so blindly supportive of political parties and politicians, and love and spread the Gospel.

What if Trump wasn't the lesser of two evils

*Yes, another blog post about Donald Trump, but it has been a while.
** I often let my frustrations come out in ways they should not, so I am not guiltless.

    I don't believe there has been a more polarizing politician in America than Donald Trump. There are so many reasons the party of Christians and conservatives should never have picked him for the GOP nominee, and I still don't understand why he is so loved by conservatives......and especially by Christians.

  For as long as I can remember, morals have been a big deal with what has been called "the religious right." All these years later, they still hold Bill Clinton's sexual acts against him. Gary Hart, and others have come under fire over the years for their immoral acts.

 Then along comes Donald Trump: serial adulterer who supposedly bragged about his cheating, strip clubs in his casinos, vulgar, on tape bragging about sexually assaulting women (If you honestly don't believe what he bragged about is not sexual assault, I challenge you to try that with some random woman and see what happens....or what you would call it if it happened to you or a women you love.....)

  This same man gave money to Democrats for years and supported them as they fought conservativism and Christianity. He gave to the Clintons, said she would make a great president, and trashed Bill's accusers.....and even said Hillary did a great job handling Benghazi. He also fought the tea party and gave money to Kamala Harris' senatorial campaign.

 How this man won the conservative vote is something I will never understand. And even worse, how he won the Christian vote. And I get voting for him to stop Hillary, even though I couldn't.....but I don't get the over the top support and defense.

 When he was running against his buddy Hillary, a common quote was that he was the lesser of two evils. 

 But was he? Oh, I have been anti-Hillary since the start....while Trump was in bed with the Clintons and saying she would make a great president. I do believe she would have been a worse president politically.

 However, I have come to believe Trump is the worse of two evils in what really matters.

   After Trump won the nomination and had his last minute miraculous conversion to Christianity - come on, you know it would have been scoffed at if he had had a D by his name - suddenly he was loved by Christians, even those who had previously opposed him. \

 I did research, and prayed about it....and felt I could not as a Christian vote for him. You would think this great family of God would understand that....after all Christians have been ridiculed and fought about their beliefs for years....so a Christian should understand feeling a person could not vote for Trump.

 Wrong. Very wrong. Don't go against your conscience...except in politics.

  

  Despite all the Bible says about how to treat people: Love your enemies, be tenderhearted forgiving each other, love your neighbor as yourself.......and many other verses - I had way too many Christians toss that all out as I was verbally attacked for daring to not vote for him and instead vote third party. Honesty, kindness, love.....politics and Trump are more important than those, and everything else the Bible says.

I was told I was for Hillary if I wasn't for Trump. Ironic, when he actually WAS a Hillary supporter.

I was told my vote for a third party candidate was a vote for Hillary.

A long time "friend" said if I wasn't for Trump, I was for Hillary and for killing babies.

I was told if I wasn't on Trump's side, I was not on God's side.

Christians shared a post saying true Christians would vote for Trump.

Christians who dared oppose Trump were called hypocrites, judgmental, Pharisees, etc. (Yet you don't hear those when you oppose Hillary, Obama, and Biden).

  If we are truly living by Jesus' teaching, if we are trying to be like Jesus.....would Christians be saying these things to other Christians? Would defending Trump and trying to win political arguments be more important than how we make people feel?

 WWJD became a worn out phrase, but it does have a point. When it comes to politics, what would Jesus do? Would He say these things? I cannot imagine He would.

  I have friends from my own church who are anti-Trump and are silent about it....because of how other Christians treated them and reacted when they did speak up. Is that really how it should be among followers of Jesus?

 A Facebook friend of mine lived the gay lifestyle for several years, became a Christian and left that life, and is now married to a woman.....author and pastor John Piper's daughter. He of course got a lot of backlash and hate for that from the pro-gay crowd when he became a Christian and started speaking out against his former lifestyle.......but last year he did a couple posts critical of Trump. He said he got far more hateful comments from Christian Trump supporters than he ever got from the pro-gay crowd. He eventually took all of those posts down. That should bother Christian Trump supporters....but I doubt the average Trump supporter will be bothered by that.

  Speaking of things that should bother Christians, I have said it before on here: A friend of mine has 2 atheist friends who were disgusted by the Christian support of Trump, and said they never wanted to hear Christians talk about morals after the 2016 election. Seriously, what is the world thinking as Christians who rant against all things gay and other moral issues then defend Trump's adultery and other moral issues, and attack everyone who dares criticize him? I myself want to hear nothing from Trump supporting Christians about anything gay after these last 5 years. You cannot ignore and/or defend his moral atrocities and them rant about gay things.

  Trump has divided Christians and conservatives, and brings out the worse in too many people.....his supporters, Democrats, and conservatives who oppose him. I admit I have some major anger issues because of so many Christian Trump supporters, and have given back as good as I have gotten. So much for blessed are the peacemakers....you cannot be very political and be a peacemaker. And how much of a Trump supporter can a Christian be and be a peacemaker?

  Then there is the dishonesty. Well, some of what I posted above what people said are not honest. Those people knew I was not for Hillary. I have seen way too many social media posts from Trump supporters that are not true. Shouldn't Christians strive to be 100% honest? Yet there are posts saying he gave up his wealth to be president......he was always a billionaire, so false. A preacher from my denomination posted that the Obamas didn't allow Christmas to be celebrated in the White House, but now Trump does...yet there is no evidence that as bad as Obama was, that he didn't allow Christmas in the White House. And there were other posts and stories that were shared to make Trump look good whether or not they were true.

 And the exaggerations......the most pro-life president, the most Christian.......and on. He did nothing to deserve those accolades. Shouldn't honesty matter more?

  Double standard:
    For 5 years, I was told not to judge Trump, that instead of criticizing him I should pray for him, etc....yet now a man is president that they oppose also, it is OK to judge away, and there are no posts about praying for him instead of criticizing him. It is even OK to mock and make fun of Biden and accuse him of being a pedophile, with no proof. (And yeah, he is a horrible president and does not seem capable to be president). Should Christians act that way? Especially after 5 years of basically saying "Since I support this man, you must also and not say anything bad about him." It seems I am only allowed to criticize presidents that Trump supporters criticize.

  I had this thought: if Trump supporters act this way about Biden and have Biden supporting friends, how on earth would they ever win them to Jesus? 

 I had a man at my church I used to highly respect...until he barraged me with texts trying to get me to vote for Trump. At one point he said if I just admitted I was for Hillary, he would leave me alone.....yet he knew I was not for Hillary. He asked me a question (I cannot remember what it was) and I replied "Are you asking me as a Republican, or as a Christian?" He asked "Can't it be both?"

  And therein lies a lot of the problem: we react too much first as Americans, Constitution loving conservatives, Republicans, Trump supporters....instead of reacting as a Christian first.

 Example: is telling me true Christians will vote for Trump a reaction of a Christian, or as a Republican/Trump supporter? That should not be a Christian response. #1 there is no Biblical basis for it. #2 it is not kind....that person doesn't care how he makes me feel. He just wants to talk or guilt people into voting how he wants them to.

  I have found myself wondering if a lot of Christians have more faith in Trump than Jesus. Over and over we heard that Trump was what would save America, that he was all that stood between us and socialism, on and on, and on. Trump, Trump, Trump. Some Christians posted so much pro Trump stuff, and it was hard to find anything about Jesus among all of  those. I got the idea that their faith and confidence was more in him than Jesus.

 What about this man has such over the top loyalty of so many Christians that they refuse to speak out against his gun control, paying off of a prostitute, giving more money to planned parenthood than Obama did, and many other bad actions and policies?

 So yes, I do believe Trump was the lesser of two evils:

1) He has divided Christians

2) As a result of his wining, he has caused many to be dishonest and unkind

3) He has taken the focus off of Jesus for too many

4) He has helped make or magnify the double standard in Christians and conservatives in the Republican party.

5) Too many Christians care more about defending him and shutting down opposition than how they make those feel they try to shut down.

      Maybe Trump is just a symptom. I am all for patriotism, freedoms, the Constitution, our flag, and our country...and Christians can love all that....but I fear all of that has become too important and we let our politics influence and affect our Christianity instead of the other way around.

 People are more important than politics. Loving people is more important than winning political arguments. Spreading the Gospel and winning people to Christ are more important than spreading our political opinions and wining people to our politician.

 I am rather outspoken, but am still very insecure and vulnerable as I was years ago when being bullied. Now I fight back, but it has still been hard being anti Trump among all the pro-Trump Christians. Too many don't care how they make me feel as they have attacked me trying to get me to vote for him or for daring to speak out against him. There are people who don't think I should criticize him or "judge" him, yet they say what they want about Democrats. Being constantly pushed down and basically being told your opinions should not be voiced because they are not those of your family and friends.....it is not a good feeling. Honestly, as much as I dislike Trump just for him, the majority of my feelings about him is because of what I have dealt with from his supporters and because of their refusal to ever hold him accountable.

  It has all shaken my faith. I go to a very conservative church, and I have people who keep all the rules, yet some of them have said things that are dishonest and/or unkind in their defense of Trump, and in their attempts to get me to vote for him and to shut down my criticisms of him. And I doubt they would even realize the irony of keeping the rules and not loving like Jesus.

 And it has caused me to feel even more isolated. I have felt disconnected from my church for a long time, and struggle to feel I belong anywhere. Being anti Trump has made that worse surrounded by pro-Trump people, especially when family and others expect me to keep my opinions to myself about Trump. I would honestly prefer to stay home. Granted, there are others like me who are afraid to speak out against Trump because of how they get treated, but I still feel alone and isolated. 

 I also have a lot of bottled up anger over the last 5 years. I honestly have held back a lot. If I said everything I think and feel, the secret service or FBI would probably have shown up by now.

 Just how political can we be and live as Jesus commands? Just how pro-Trump can a Christian be and live like Jesus to those who do not support him or vote for him? Jesus was not political, so how political should we be?

 The Bible says nothing about voting or being political, but it does say a lot about how we should act and how we should treat people. 

 Considering what Trump has caused, I believe we would have been better off as Christians and as the church to have lost soundly to Hillary. If Christians can't love, if they more or less toss out what the Bible says when it comes to politics, wouldn't we be better off under socialism and communism?

 And no, I don't want that....but if it affects how we treat people, if winning people to our politician or views is more important than spreading the Gospel and winning people to Christ, then yes......we would be better off living in persecution.

  Patriotism is good. Freedoms are important, but people are more important. A hundred years from now it will not matter if we won a political argument or defended a politician. It will matter how we treated people and if we won people to Christ.

 We are not living for this world. It is past time Christians remembered that and started living like that.

 Maybe Trump is just a symptom, and has made it more obvious. Maybe part of it is social media and people saying on line what they would not off line.......but to use a phrase of some Trump supporters, true Christians should be bothered by how politics and Trump has affected how we treat people who disagree with us.

  In closing, I will say this: I have never been a great Christian. I have struggles of faith, depression, anxiety, sexual identity, and struggle with doubt a lot. I don't believe I was a better than anyone for voting my conscience. And to be honest, I have found myself wondering a lot over the last 5 years if I even want to be a Christian. Shouldn't it be more than this politicized Christianity that has taken over?

  And again, I am not guiltless. But shouldn't I have the same freedom as Trump supporters to criticize politicians I disagree with?

How political should Christians be?

 I have started this blog post a few times, and have always scrapped it....not that I didn't like what I wrote. I rarely publish blog posts I write anymore. I write it, get the urge to write out of my system, and delete it. Maybe this time I will publish it.

 This specific version of this post was spurred by a Facebook post yesterday by a Christian. He posted that in this recent election, Trump got 26% of the vote. Hillary got 26% of the vote, and that 48% didn't vote, and that if you are part of that 48%, you can go pound sand. I honestly didn't realize where he was going with it, and pointed out his numbers were wrong as they didn't include we who voted 3rd party......he informed me that I was counted in the group who didn't vote, because my vote was a throw away......so this Christian was telling me to "go pound sand" because I didn't vote for Donald Trump. (How does one pound sand anyway? It is usually soft, so can it even be pounded?") I googled it, and it really doesn't sound very Christian........

  Has politics become more important to us than Christianity, and how we treat people? Can we honestly say our actions, words, and how we treat people during election time line up with how the Bible says we should talk and treat people? Could we say Jesus would have acted like we did?

 Let me say up front that I am not guiltless, though I will be coming from the standpoint of someone who was and is very much against Donald Trump. I still feel 100% that he should never have been nominated by the Republican Party, and that the party as a whole has a big double standard when it comes to him, his political past, and  his immorality. The more heat I got for not supporting him, and the more I was attacked for daring to speak up, the angrier I got and the more vocal I got.

 Pretty much anything thrown at me was by Christians, and some from people in  my own church:

1) I was told "with my past", I should be OK with Trump's strip clubs, serial adultery, etc. The lady then deleted me on Facebook. (Lady from my church)

2) A friend "liked" a post where people not supporting Trump were compared to ISIS. Seriously.

3) I was told I was for Hillary if I wasn't for Trump. (In what Biblical reality is that NOT a lie?)

4) A long time friend posted that I was for Hillary and for killing babies if I wasn't for Trump.

5) I was called stubborn and holier than thou.

6) I was told a vote for a 3rd party was a vote for Hillary. Again, how is that not a lie? Have Christians bought so much into  a 2 party system that they are too ignorant to realize there are more than two parties?

7) A cousin said I was not on God's side if I was not for Trump.

8) A Facebook friend - a Christian - ran and tattled everything I said about Trump to my sister and brother-in-law who are not on Facebook, which caused some family problems. (If I knew who that was, I WOULD delete them)

9) Then of course yesterday I was told to "pound sand" since I voted 3rd party. (by a Christian, so hopefully he didn't intend the "go to hell" part)

10) I felt early on that I could not vote for DT as a Christian, and that I'd be a hypocrite and going against my conscience to do so........ but I had several Christians try to get me to go against my conscience.

11) I had people who had been silent for 8 years about my criticisms of Obama message me, text me, and jump all over me telling me I needed to quit criticizing Trump and that I must support him because he won.

12) A pastor friend bragged how he convinced a woman from his congregation to vote for DT who felt she could not vote for him - was that really his thing to do as a pastor?

13) Someone I think highly of said "we need someone to speak up" when I pointed out how badly Trump behaves on Twitter, and how he bullies people.

14) A pastor's wife who wouldn't even watch TV,  posted recently that Bill Clinton and others are worse than Trump, as if making others worse makes Trump any better.

15) The over the top comparisons of Trump to David, Jesus, Esther, Sampson, and others...... the almost worship and deification of him by many Christians.

    And then you have the support and defense of DT and everything he has said and done. I believe this with all my heart: had he been running as a Democrat, those same people would have been using against him what they defended - the strip clubs, his serial adultery he bragged about, his bragging that he grabs women by their genitals, his vulgarity, his wife's appearance in porn, his years of funding liberals and their causes, his saying Planned Parenthood does a lot of good....... and more. None of that mattered. Hillary must be defeated and all Republicans must vote for DT, and convinced to do so at any cost.

  Can we read through what I wrote and honestly say politics is not more important than Christianity and how we treat people?

 Should Christians in either party so quickly and easily ignore and defend everything their candidate does?

   I'll be honest: my faith was shaken severely this last election. First was the nomination, defense, and total support of a man far removed from Biblical values and morals. Second was the unreasonable push to get any Christian to vote for him, no matter what had to be said or done. I was hurt, angry, and bitter at the way I was treated and at the double standard surrounding this man. I still haven't gotten over it, I just have withdrawn into myself and don't say much about DT or the election. And I'll be blunt: Here I am struggling to live a clean moral life while dealing with a very difficult struggle - same-sex attractions - and the same people who would condemn me if I gave in are the same people defending just as bad or worse behaviors in their candidate. I know these Christians would not vote for a gay candidate, yet they support, defend, and voted for a man who owned strip clubs, cheated on at least 2 wives and bragged about it, is vulgar, promised to further gay rights, and more.... and I was condemned for daring to point that all out. Truthfully, I felt - and still feel - a sense of betrayal that no Trump voter or supporter will ever understand.

    I'm not sure Jesus would even vote if He were living here in America today. He'd be all about souls and people. He'd be more interested in how He treated people than how - or if - they voted. IF He voted, He would never tell someone to "pound sand" if they didn't vote, or voted 3rd party. He'd never agree that someone was like ISIS for not supporting a certain candidate. He'd never badger anyone to vote a certain way. or make false accusations against that person for not voting how He wanted. I don't think Jesus would even vote. He wasn't political when He was here, so why would He be now? (I wonder if my Facebook friend would tell Jesus to pound sand for not voting)

  God is most likely not as concerned about who is president as we are. God cares more about what we are doing for Him and our fellow man than with us keeping our freedoms and comforts. Oh, I care about those too, but we are too focused on those things. I doubt the condition of a person's soul was on anyone's mind during the election. Which is more important: Letting "John" know God loves him and will save him, or getting John to vote for Donald Trump?

  I have always voted Republican, even when I didn't care for the candidate.....but those days are over. I may never vote again. I am way past being sick of being badgered, lied about, falsely accused, etc in an effort to get me to vote like someone wants me to vote. If I do vote, I am going to do my best to vote my conscience and keep it to myself how I vote. It really isn't anyone's business, after all.

 One problem we have, is we look at everything as an American, instead of a Christian. One guy who tried his dead level best to get me to vote for DT asked me something via text - can't remember what it was. I replied, "are you asking as an American, or as a Christian". He replied "can't I do it as both?" We have so intertwined the two, that we equate  the two.... and they are not the same. I love our country and freedoms, and hate what liberals and atheists are doing to it. We are too concerned with what happens in America.

  Which is more important according to the Bible: getting someone to see things your way politically, or how the other person will feel after make your points? Which is more important: Getting that person to vote the way you want, or how you will affect his spiritual life........ and how his spiritual life will be affected if you convince him to go against his conscience?

   Let me get really nitty gritty: To tell someone who you know is conservative and would not vote for a liberal that he is for Hillary if he is not for Trump is a lie. Oh you can call it whatever you want, but it is a lie..... and yet Christians have no problem telling me that. To say a vote for a 3rd party candidate is really a vote for Hillary is a lie. It is not a vote for Hillary, but a vote for someone else. So yes, I am saying many Christians lied during this election as they did their best to guilt or shame people to vote the way they wanted them to vote. Did they ever think that maybe the way they wanted them to vote was not the way God wanted them to vote? Would that even matter to them?

   Here's the  thing: Christians are fine with you not going against your conscience as long as they agree with you. No one among my evangelical friends would ever tell me to embrace my sexual desires and have sex with other guys........for they believe it is wrong. But I have had people claiming to be Christians urge me to do exactly that.......so why is it OK to go against my conscience when Christian A wants me to, but not when Christian B does? And is there a danger of going against your conscience? What if giving into Christian A and going against my conscience leads to me going against it in the other area further down the road?

 I am not saying Christians should not be involved in politics nor vote. I am saying for too long we have put politics before Christianity. We set Christianity aside and pull politics to  the front during the election. Living by what the Bible says doesn't enter our minds. How we treat people doesn't matter, as long as we make our point and convince them to vote a certain way.

  In closing, a personal illustration: I am friends with the guy who founded and ran Hope for Wholeness until a few months ago when he resigned. HFW is an organization/ministry to help people with unwanted same-sex attractions. During the election, he was being very vocal about voting for Trump and really bashing Hillary a lot. I sent him a nicely worded email cautioning him that maybe in his position he should not be too political. The chances of having pro-Hillary Facebook  friends was not only likely, but very high. I cautioned he might turn off some of the very people he was trying to help. He thanked me, but it changed nothing.

 But let's take it a bit further. One of the people who tried hardest to convince me to vote for Trump and insisted I was for Hillary, cautioned me once that with as vocal I was being against Trump, it could hurt my Christian witness and make my reasons for not voting Trump null and void to some people. (Ironically, he never said that to me when I was saying worse things about Obama.....). But think about that......what if we are turning people off on Christianity by being too political.....no matter who we are vocal about for or against? If Susie loves Hillary and is not a Christian, will she want your religion when you are constantly blasting Hillary on Facebook?

 People do need to know where candidates stand, but do we Christians too easily resort to un-Christian tactics and name calling when it comes to politicians we are against? I have called Trump a sleazebag, and got called out for it..... but called Obama as bad or worse and did not get called out for it......is it any worse for me to call Trump derogatory names than Obama? Evidently as a Republican it is, but what about as a Christian? Should we celebrate the take-down of a liberal politician? Should we take up stones and cast when one is accused of sexual allegations?

 Why do Christians have no problem with criticisms of politicians on the other side of the aisle? Why is it OK for me to criticize and call Hillary Clinton or Nancy Pelosi names and point out their faults, but suddenly I am holier than thou, judgmental, and going against God if I do the same with Donald Trump?

 There are those on Facebook who never post political posts......I admire that, and hope to be like that some day. I am working on it. That may mean un-following even more people and staying out of the voting booth completey - I'm sure I'll get a lot of Christian understanding and support if I do that!

 Jesus was all about loving people and doing good. That is more important than politics and who wins an election. Which is more important to us?

 Some day we will all stand before God. Who was president will not matter on that day, but how we treated people will matter........even during an election.

**Disclaimer: I am in no way guiltless in these areas. I despise Donald Trump - just as much for what I have gotten from his supporters as what the man is. I am sure I have been too vocal about him - but again, I was just as vocal about Obama and no one ever said anything about that........but anyway, I too am guilty of being too political and caring too much about winning arguments.

Self/less

It has been awhile since I did an actual blog that wasn't just several random ideas thrown together. This has been on my mind all week, so I tried to get my thoughts down in a blog post.


I picked up a movie the other day for $1.96 that looked interesting. It was titled Self/less, was rated PG-13, and sounded decent. If you have any intention of watching this movie, I am going to give some things away. You were warned. And no, this is not a movie review, it is a blog post.

 The movie is about an elderly man named Ben Kingsley who is dying of cancer. He is wealthy and has accomplished a lot in life, but was a terrible father to his daughter and has turned out to be a self-centered lonely old man. He discovers something new a doctor has come up with that is expensive called "shedding". One can "shed" their old body and have their consciousness put into a younger healthy body that has been grown in a lab. His death is faked, he goes into the operation, and wakes up in a much younger body played by a much younger and good looking Ryan Reynolds. The trick to staying in this new and younger body is to take some red pills regularly, to make the "transplant" work.

 Ben forgets to take the pills a few times and starts having flashbacks that involve a young Hispanic woman and a little girl he feels he is supposed to help. The doctor claims they are hallucinations, but Ben soon realizes the truth: His new body was not grown in a lab. It is the body of a young Marine named Mark - great name for a good looking guy, huh? ;)  - Mark gave his life to be used for this program so money would be given to get his sick little girl the help she needs. Ben/Mark ends up on the run with the mother and little girl as the doctor and his group does their best to kill all three to keep the truth quiet.

 And now to the point of the whole post, and the biggest spoiler: The reason for the pills. If Ben stops taking them, Ben will fade away and Mark will take back over the living body along with his consciousness and memories. At the climax of the movie, Ben does the most unselfish thing of his life.... and the last thing he will do. He stops taking the pills and leaves a video message explaining it all to Mark when Mark's consciousness and memories take back over the body he gave to save his daughter.

 It was just a movie, but it impacted me....a mark of a great movie.....no pun intended. Two very unselfish acts by two very different men: Mark, the young marine father who gave his life to save his daughter's life. Ben, the older wealthy man who let himself go so that young father could have his life and family back.

 I like the movie title. If you look at it, it is not just the word "selfless". There is a backslash in between the letters - "self/less". There is nothing in the movie that spells it out plainly, but the idea is there that to be selfless, there needs to be less of self.

 We live in selfish times. Sadly that has invaded our churches and Christianity. Everything is about us. We decide what we believe and pretty much set up God in our own image. We like to knock those who say they can be gay and Christian - that one can have a sexual relationship with the same sex and be a Christian, yet how many of us go through the Bible and pick and choose what verses mean and what parts apply to us. "It is a shame for a man to have long hair...... - that was just in Paul's day". "If you are divorced and remarry, or you marry a divorced person you commit adultery - if you are the innocent party, it is OK....." and on and on.

 We want to be first in everything. We want people to violate their conscience in politics because we are more concerned about our comforts and freedoms then how we are making that person feel.

 We spend our money on what we want. It is all about what we want, yet we claim to serve God and want to be like Jesus, the most selfless person that ever walked this earth. How does our selflessness compare to that of Jesus? I fear most of us would be sadly lacking compared to Him.

 Yet shouldn't Christians be the most selfless people on the face of the earth?

  Would we give our lives to save a loved one? I have read stories of women who refused medical treatment that would harm their unborn baby, and died after giving birth to that baby. Would we give our lives to save someone we don't know? Would we pass up on that close parking place so someone else could park there, or leave someone in front of us in the checkout line? Would we give up our time to listen to someone?

 I did a selfless act today. I was shopping at Hobby Lobby and they had their Christmas decorations half off. I found the single decorations they have hung by theme and picked out a cool tin airplane I liked, and another I liked. I then had the great idea to buy all of my nieces and nephews an ornament. (Hope they are not reading this). I found one quickly for my youngest niece, and then my 3 nephews - fishing related, that was easy. Then I found one for my middle niece, and was struggling to find one for my oldest niece. I saw nothing. I then glanced at the 7 ornaments in my hand. Along with the 5 for my nieces and nephews were the 2 I had picked for myself - the plane and the other one. It was one that fit my oldest niece, but there were no more of it. I then realized what I needed to do. The plane would go on my tree, but the other one I wanted would go to my oldest niece. I didn't need it, and it was one she would like.

 Now in the grand scheme of things, that was not that big. I don't feel sad or that I gave up anything major..... but I did put my niece above me and did a selfless act. Now if we all just did selfless acts daily as a part of our lives, how much different we and our world would be.

 Just how selfless are we?