Thoughts of a messed up Christian saved by God's grace

Sunday, May 28, 2017

The Broken Ones

  One of my favorite things to do on vacation at the beach, is to look for seashells. It isn't as easy to find nice ones as you might think. The earlier you get on the beach, your chances of finding the best shells are greater.

 Last year and this year I happened to notice something I had never paid attention to: the broken pieces of shells littering the beach. They are overlooked by most people, and just trampled underfoot as people walk over them looking for whole shells. But I really looked at these broken pieces last year, and again this morning. They are very pretty and smooth. Even though they are broken off, they have no rough edges. The ocean has beat them against other shells, rocks, and the ocean itself to smooth off the rough edges, leaving various sizes of smooth slightly curved pieces of shells.

  I picked up several last year, but never took them home. I started collecting them this morning and plan on taking them home. What I will do with them, I have no idea.... but they are too attractive to me to pass up and leave lying on the beach.

 And they carry a powerful lesson, these broken shells. Many of us have all been broken in some way, some of us more than others. The devil likes to convince us that we are worthless and that God cannot use people who are broken. Yet, just like these shells are attractive in their broken condition, so are we to God. No matter how far we have gone, no matter how much we have messed up what we think His plan is for our lives, and no matter how broken we are..... God loves us and can use us.

  There are uses for shells that are broken that won't work for whole shells. And God can use those people who have been broken in ways He could never use those who never have, or those who would never admit to their broken condition,

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

The way we talk to ourselves


"That was stupid"

"You're fat and ugly"

"You are such a failure"

"You're so dumb"

  Imagine if I went around telling people those things. Well, those are things I tell myself on a daily basis. 

 Lately, I have been thinking about this habit of telling myself these very mean things. It cannot be pleasing to God. If He doesn't want us talking to others like that, then I am sure He wouldn't want us talking to ourselves that way.

 It is easy to lose sight of the fact that we are all created by God with different talents and abilities. Just because I can't do something as well as someone else, it does not make me stupid or a failure. As Einstein said, "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” Besides, if we constantly put ourselves down, we will start to believe what we are saying.

 We spend too much time comparing ourselves to each other. We should be trying to be as much like Jesus as we possibly can. When we compare ourselves to each other, it is too easy to think we are better than we are or worse than we are. 

 Some of us are too hard on the man or woman in the mirror, and then there are those who are too easy on that person. This post is about we who are too hard on ourselves. Maybe part of the problem is we forget which world we are living for. Up in Heaven, it won't matter what kind of car I drove. It won't matter that I was lousy at sports and mechanical work. God doesn't care that I pay Walmart to change my oil. He doesn't care that I think football is boring and stupid, and that I still equate golf with old men in ugly plaid shorts.

 He cares about what we are doing for Him. If I am honest, the times I am being hard on myself involve temporal things. They are times when I am too concerned about my happiness and how I appear to others. Yet He is the only one I should care about pleasing and I should be concerned how I appear to Him, not  the world around me.

 So I shall try to turn over a new leaf and not be so hard on this guy that God loved enough to die for. God doesn't make junk, so it is time I stop treating Mark like he is junk.

Mid-May musings

Some random stuff going through my mind

1) Thinking for ourselves

   I fear there is a shortage of people thinking for themselves. They do, think, and react to whatever their church, political party, etc tells them to.

 This past election was proof of that. No one wanted anyone thinking for themselves. The demand was vote for the guy on the Republican ticket, period.

 I have asked some tough questions of people in my church as to why this, or why that...... and no one can give an answer. The implied answer is "just do what the church tells you to.

 There is such a thing as being a rebel and not wanting to do anything that is expected of you. There is also such a  thing as being a robot that never, ever questions anything or anyone.

2) Weight

 If I ever get so big that I need a motorized wheel chair at Walmart, I hope my family locks me in a room and shoves carrot and celery sticks under the door.......

3) Lighthouses and fears

  Last year, I climbed the Cape Hatteras Lighthouse in spite of my lifelong fear of heights. I am planning on climbing it again this year.

4) Stores and emails

  I have found it profitable to sign up  for emails from stores and restaurants. A couple of my favorite restaurants often send me coupons for free appetizers, or a percentage off my bill. For my birthday, I have so far received a $5 coupon off a $5 or more purchase at an auto parts store, a coupon for a free appetizer at Texas Roadhouse, $5 off at Ponderosa Steak House, and free pie at O' Charley's.

5) Reading pile

  I have a stack of around 10 books I am taking on vacation. I normally read that many books while on vacation.

6) Politics

  Not voting for either major party gives a person an interesting perspective. I see Obama supporters criticizing Trump for things Obama did or did worse. I also see Trump supporters being silent about things he does that Obama did. Evidently if your guy wins, it doesn't matter what he does...it just matters what the other guy does.

7) Day off

  Yesterday was the first of 2 days off. I took my youngest sister and my nephews to Salem to shop since they are down a vehicle. They bought me my favorite pizza for lunch, an early birthday gesture. I hit up the Radio Shack two stores over that is closing, and got some great deals on a few things I wanted and needed. Portable charger pack, USB to micro USB cable, cell phone wall charger, and headphones: $30. Everything I bought was either 70% or 80% off.

8) Packing

   I have started packing for vacation, and oh what fun it is. I always take too much, so I am trying to apply more wisdom to my packing this year. Vacation is fast approaching. We are staying in a larger house than we usually stay in.... 6 bedrooms, 6 1/2 baths. I can't wait. :)

7) Bloody meat

  There are a lot of people who like their meat oozing blood. But what if the Bible condemns that? In the book of Acts there is a verse that sounds like it does....unless of course, you like meat that way. In that case, you'll ignore it like others ignore inconvenient Bible passages and claim it doesn't really mean that.

 And by the way.......restaurants never have warnings about well done meats, but do about under-cooked meats.

19 “Therefore, I conclude that we shouldn’t create problems for Gentiles who turn to God. 20 Instead, we should write a letter, telling them to avoid the pollution associated with idols, sexual immorality, eating meat from strangled animals, and consuming blood.

8) Trump and Obama

   Sometimes Donald Trump sounds and acts eerily like Obama......such as this week when he announced Islam to be one of the greatest world religions. Really?! What reality do those two men live in?!

9) Forgiveness

  Do we Christians really forgive? There are people who can't handle their favorite politician or their voting choices questioned and criticized, which is a pretty small thing in life.....

 I read of Christians who forgive some really big wrongs done to them, and then look at the average Christian in my world - including me - and have to shake my head. How would we ever forgive a major wrong if we can't forgive small things people do that irritate or hurt us?

10) Church bathrooms

  A while back, I posted that I was against my church building on to our church sanctuary to make more room I don't believe we need. I still feel that way, but have to give kudos to the powers that be for one thing: They are making the bathrooms bigger. For a congregation that runs 230-250 most of the time, we had bathrooms for two people. The men's had a toilet in a stall, and one urinal. The women's had 2 toilets in stalls and no urinal....of course. We do have bathrooms in the basement, also for two people...... but for a church our size, we definitely have not had big enough bathrooms.

11) Tyndale Publishing

   Tyndale Publishing has a rewards website where you get points for doing various things. I am up to 520 points, which is a lot, and I can't find anything I want. Methinks they need to add more products.

12) Praying to saints

  There is a lot I don't get about Catholics, but one major thing is why they pray to saints. It seems like idolatry, and why not go straight to God as we can? Jesus' death and resurrection did away with any need for a middle man, why go back to the days when people needed a middle man?

13) Graduation

  My second oldest niece is graduating Friday evening. That makes me feel really old, but I am proud of her.


Friday, May 19, 2017

Healing with teens

  I wrote this way back in August, and for some reason never published it. I have no idea why. It is "old news" at this point, but after reading over it, I hate to delete it....... so I am going to post it. Just remember this is nine months old. 

 **Disclaimer/warning: This is one of those personal blog posts that may make some people uncomfortable with the subject matter, or with knowing too much about me.......

    This is something I have discussed several times in different blog posts, but for the sake of the rest of the blog post, I need to discuss it a bit more: I was picked on and bullied a lot in school, mostly junior high through 10th grade. I attended a Christian school, and almost every boy in junior high and high school had their times of making my life miserable. My lack of interest and ability in sports made it worse, and I am convinced that a lot of what went on helped form, or at least helped to make worse,  the same-sex attractions I began experiencing at that age. I also became afraid of teenage boys. When I was at a camp or somewhere where there were other Christian boys who treated me nice and talked to me, I'd freeze up and not know how to act..... it was like a shy boy being around girls for the first time, only in my case boys were different from me and I was scared to death to be around them.

   This fear stayed with me for years. I was scared to work around or be around other guys that were adults, but teenage boys were the worst. I had a delivery job for a couple of years, and I had to deliver to schools occasionally..... and as ridiculous as it sounds, that was a big deal for me to walk into schools that had junior high and high school boys. Everything would come rushing back, and I had the fear of being made fun of and bullied as an adult by teenage boys.

  As the years went by, it lessened some and wasn't something I thought about  a lot. I had a lot of teens around church who seemed to be OK with me, and I would only feel uncomfortable and leery of boys I didn't know or felt inferior to...... but it was always there beneath the surface.

  And then this past week-end happened. I went to spend Saturday night through Sunday afternoon at a church camp in PA that I went to a lot as a kid, and hadn't been to for 24 years or so. My sister and her family were singing there and I decided to surprise them.... which I was successful in doing.

  After being hugged by my nephews, I headed for the bathroom. Derek, the 17 year old son of my cousin was exiting the bathroom. He smiled and said "Hi, Mark." I replied "hi.... Derek, right?" He said yes, and that it was good to see me. I had only met this kid once, 5 years ago. He, his older brother, and his dad (my cousin) had come to my parents' to trim a tree for them..... the tree that later fell on the house in a storm. It made me feel good that he remembered me.

  As I ate supper, my sister pointed out and introduced me to 4 of Derek's siblings I had never met..... his parents had adopted 4 kids, all siblings, 9 years ago and I met them for the first time as I ate supper in the camp's dining hall., Kyle, Kaylee, and 2 younger girls whose names escape me.

   After supper as I walked past the screened windows where kids were washing dishes to pay for their stay, 13 year old Kyle said hi through the screen, then turned to the other kids and said "that's my cousin Mark, who I just met." I smiled and said I'd see him later.

  Before the evening service. I walked up to use the bathroom and found it overrun by pre-teen and teenage boys. There are two showers, enclosed with two wooden doors with a about a foot opening beneath, and a lot of room to change clothes inside. "hey Uncle Mark, Derek wants to hear one of your jokes", my oldest nephew said. Derek was changing in the one shower, and the other was occupied by my youngest nephew. I laughed and said I'd try to think of one. I leaned against the sink and chatted with these guys and finally came up with a couple. My "new" cousin Kyle was doubled over laughing, and instantly became my biggest joke fan, but I got several laughs. I exited the bathroom and headed for my room, only to be chased down by Kyle and an older boy I didn't know. "He has something to tell you." That something was a joke, though a corny one. I groaned and laughed, and went to my room.

  Throughout the evening and the next day, these kids would come up wanting a joke, some would stop and chat with me, one hit me lightly on the shoulder in passing and said hi. After I ate my last meal of camp, lunch, on a whim I went behind the counter, grabbed a dry dish towel, and started drying dishes as they were pulled out of the rinse bin. The kids were surprised, but immediately started joking with me, asking for jokes, and telling me jokes. It was a lot more fun than back when I used to do it as a teen.

  I said my good-byes after the afternoon service, and headed for home. As I drove, the thought hit me......those kids actually seemed to like me, and I felt completely comfortable with them. I had no fears of them making fun of me or bullying me....... and sure, I have matured a lot and am a lot older now, but that was a fear I never thought I'd lose...... and I am not sure when and where it left, but it seemed to have given up its last vestige of power over me on the grounds of a camp ground where it used to flourish.

The greatest gift

**This is a blog post I did 7 years ago on my other blog when it was more than book reviews. A lot has changed since then about my beliefs in God's love and my state of mind, but I thought I'd re-post it here.

   There are some words and phrases in the English language that are sweeter than others. "I love you" are probably the best to hear. Another that is a biggie is "I'm praying for you".

Prayer has been on my mind a lot today. I was thinking about songs about prayer - pulled the word up on my Itunes and found that I have 58 songs with "pray" in the title. "What If His People Prayed" by Casting Crowns, "Take It To God In Prayer", by the Hoppers. There are two that have been on my mind the most. The first is  "Mention My Name" by The Hoppers - a Southern Gospel group, for those uninformed about Southern Gospel...... :-)

"Would you mention my name every day, when you pray
Would you mention my name when you pray
Would you stand with me, when your'e down on your knees
When your'e talking to Jesus, would you mention me?"

The other song has been on my mind even more is one titled "Somebody's Praying Me Through" by Allen Asbury - a really awesome song, for not being Southern Gospel. :-)


Pressing over me like a big blue sky
I know someone has me on their heart tonight
That's why I know it's gonna be alright
'Cause somebody's praying me through
Somebody's praying me through

It may be my Mother, it might be my Dad
Or an old friend I've forgot I had
But whoever it is I'm so glad that
Somebody's praying me through
Somebody's praying me through

Through the tears, through the rain
Through the sorrow, through the pain
It keeps bringing me through
Over and over again

So when you're drowning in a sea of hurt
And it feels like life couldn't get any worse
There's a blessing waiting to push back the curse
'Cause, somebody's praying you through.

  Anyone who regularly subjects them self to reading my blog is probably aware of the fact that not only have I really been struggling with believing God loves me and that I matter to Him, I have also had a lot of doubts and struggles in general lately. For weeks, it has seemed that my prayers have hit the ceiling and fell back to the floor with a thud, and just lie there, seemingly unnoticed by God. Woven in with it has been severe discouragement and depression, so bad that most of the time I walk around with an ache in mu chest and a feeling of impending doom and hopelessness.

I know of a few people who have been praying for me, and most likely some I don't know of. I can only give prayer the credit. This week I have been feeling a sense of hope, and last night I was able to pray like I haven't in ages. I woke this morning not dreading the coming day for a change, and had a really good day. Work didn't even go that great today - for anyone, not just me, and it didn't faze me.

  I am positive that the prayers of others is what helped me get to where I am right now - well not physically - I am in my computer chair- well Mom and Dad's (side note: if anyone has a computer chair they want rid of, I broke mine........).

  It makes me wonder if we truly realize what we have at our disposal with the tool of prayer. And do we really do enough of it? Oh sure, most of us remember to pray for our needs and wants, but what if we really and truly prayed for the needs of others. I could be wrong, but could it be that God leans more toward answering prayers that are made on behalf of others more than prayers for ourselves? If you look at motive, I may have something there. If I am praying for the needs of a Christian brother, my motives are completely selfless, whereas all too often, my own comfort is in mind when I pray for mine - spiritual needs being the exception, of course.

   I read a neat story a while back. A young lady was bemoaning the fact to her pastor that she didn't feel her life was touching anyone for Christ, that she was useless. In the course of the conversation the subject of her prayer life came up, and she said she took the newspaper with her to pray. The pastor was astounded and asked why. She replied that she would open to the obituaries, and pray for the friends and relatives of each deceased person listed there. Then she would open to the weddings and pray for the couples just married, then on to the births. The preacher pointed out to her that she had quite a ministry of prayer going on and only God knew what her prayers had brought forth.

  We don't have to take the newspaper with us when we pray, but I believe God is pleased when we focus on others in prayer. We should pray for not just our family, but all of those in our Christian family. A simple "I'm Praying For You" can be one of the greatest gifts that we can give to someone.

  If, every time someone came to mind, we said a prayer for that person, only eternity would reveal what our prayers have done - and I am not saying the power lies in us. The power lies in God answering, but I believe God is moved to action by our prayers.

  Often we have no idea who needs prayer. I am afraid in too many of our churches we have this idea that we need to keep our mask in place so that no one will know we are hurting and struggling and might possibly think less of us. So we cover our hurts and struggles when by admitting, we could receive prayer, encouragement, and help.

  I'm sure I am not out of the woods yet. Whether we fall from grace completely, or become so discouraged that we are of no threat to Satan, he will fight when we get back on our feet, so I'd appreciate any prayers sent my way, and in return, I will do my best to pray for others when I know they need it, or when God brings them to our minds. Who knows, by praying for someone God brings to our minds, we just may be doing what the song says.....praying somebody through, and giving them the best possible gift we have at our disposal. Prayer.

Captain America, Joshua, and me

Another post I wrote a while back and never published, so here it is:   

I have a confession. I love superheroes. I love superhero movies: Captain America, Superman, Batman...and the list goes on.

  On a recent trip to Walmart, I noticed an large long pillow with Captain America on...... and I wanted it. I talked myself out of it, telling myself I was too old for that; plus it would get in the way. I was shopping there again later, and saw some really cool Captain America figures in the toy department..... and I wanted one. Again, I talked myself out of it for the same reasons. And then I saw them: t-shirts.....Captain America t-shirts for $7.50. ADULT Captain America t-shirts. I didn't even try to talk myself out of that one, and in the cart when one in my size.

  My attempts to be careful with what kind of movies I watch does stop me from viewing a lot of movies out there where good triumphs over evil, something I think is a major drawing point in superhero movies. I love to see the bad guy get taken down by the hero, and if no one is around I often cheer or clap my hands.

 Yeah, I know it is just a movie.....and I do the same thing in books. There is just something about it when someone triumphs over evil and the bad guy and comes out on top.

  The Bible is full of similar kinds of stories: Joshua and Jericho, Elisha getting the best of Ahab and Jezebel, Samson taking out Philistines, Jesus conquering sin, death, and the devil. It seems God has put something in us that we want to see good win, injustices made right, our team to win....

    What if we approached life like that, especially living the Christian life? What if instead of fearing temptation and trials, we welcomed it with the heart of a hero or warrior? Captain America or Superman taking out a bad guy is nothing compared to saying no to temptation and living a life that pleases God.

  Life scares the daylights out of me at times. I get discouraged and depressed, and weary of fighting the battle. And yet, I love to see these made up superheroes conquer evil and come out the winner.....

  These superheroes have flaws and are not invincible. Superman has his kryptonite, and all of the other superheroes have their weaknesses; but the God we serve has none. We do, but He can get us through whatever comes our way.

That time I didn't tip the waitress

The nice thing about having your own blog, is you can blog about whatever you want. Everyone may not like a post, and a post may not get many people reading it....but you still have the freedom to blog about whatever you want. Except criticisms of Donald Trump. Just kidding. Kind of.

  Last year, most of my family went to the Outer Banks for vacation. My youngest sister and her family couldn't go, so it was eight of us instead of thirteen. One of the highlights for me was a day we drove up to Nag's Head to do some shopping and sight-seeing. And one of the highlights of that day was eating at this awesome restaurant that was right on the water. Our windows overlooked the water, and the ambiance was very nice. The food was really good too. I had some great fish and fries.

 And then the bill came. Or, as they like to call it "the check." Get real, it is a bill. Were it a check,  the restaurant would be giving ME money. As I examined it and was about to write in the tip, I saw to my surprise that it had already been taken out. This was one of those restaurants that deducted the tip for you if your party had a certain amount of guests. I was a bit annoyed, but signed my slip.

 I get why restaurants do this. They don't want their waitress to wait on a large party of people and get stiffed, or get a small tip..... but I still don't like it. Here is why I think it is a bad idea:

1) A tip is given for services provided. In this case, it was taken from me without a choice. It was basically a fee tacked onto my meal for daring to dine with seven other people.

2) In our case, the waitress received less from some of us. They charged us 18%, and my sister and I normally tip more than 18%. Had we been allowed to tip what we wanted, she would have gotten more money.

3) It is unfair to the diners if they receive bad service. You could have a terrible waitress, and she would get tipped as much if you had a great one. You should be allowed to tip according to the quality of the service. This policy takes away that right.

 I know, I know.... we could eat elsewhere. True. But I still don't like the policy.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Missing: Compassion

It seems many Christians are missing the emotion of compassion nowadays. Oh, we have it towards people we choose to, but it fizzles out in other areas.

  I can still remember sitting in a church service several years back when the speaker mentioned homosexuality. A friend of mine who had no clue I dealt with that issue, leaned up and said "they just need to hang all of those perverts." I have a devotional where the author referred to something a friend of his said. This friend said when he saw the death of a single younger man in the obituaries with no cause of death given, he figured it was from AIDS and rejoiced that another gay guy got what he deserved.

 More recently, I have heard other comments about gay men getting AIDS and deserving it, "junkies" overdosing and we are better off without them, and other similar comments......from Christians. When it comes to people we deem undesirable, we lose our compassion, and lose our aim and desire to be like Jesus.

 I worked as a greeter in the Emergency Department for over three years. In that time, I saw a lot of people come through with drug addictions. I watched families fall apart as they dealt with the death of a loved one taken too soon by their addiction. Yes, it was stupid for the person to get started on drugs, but it is still sad when anyone ruins their life and/or dies because of drugs.

 And yet many Christians call these people junkies and say we are better off when they die from their addiction.

  I believe if Jesus were here doing His earthly ministry in 2017, He would have an entirely different attitude towards those we don't deem worthy of compassion. He'd be hanging out with gay people, trying to win them to Him.....even the ones with AIDS. He'd be loving the drug addicts and offering them freedom through Him.

 He would be hanging out with the undesirable people so many Christians don't have time for. He'd be loving, showing compassion, and being a friend to the friendless. The Jesus of the Bible would never rejoice in the deaths of anyone, no matter their lifestyle or addictions.

 If we are to be like Jesus, we need to have compassion for all.

He fist-bumps me

 It has been a while since I posted an actual blog post, so here is a short one I wrote the other day: 

There's a guy at work whose name I don't even know. He works in another department....I am not even sure which one.... but often when he walks by me, he fist-bumps me. This small gesture makes me feel good. It is a sign of acceptance. This man sees me as a man, and evidently likes me as a person as well as he knows me.

  For a guy like me, this is big. For so much of my life, I felt the opposite by men. I felt different, and that other guys didn't like me nor considered me their equal.

 T hings have changed. This man who fist-bumps me is not the first guy I have felt accepted by as an adult. I have been privileged to work with guys my age and younger who like and accept me. I have been the recipient of a slight punch to the shoulder, a pat on the back, and good-natured teasing that showed I am "one of the guys".

 And the effects are life-changing. My self-confidence has grown, though it may never be what it should be. I believe it has even lessened my same-sex attractions and helped in that area more than I may realize.

 It has also made me think what I can do for other guys. You never know what a touch on the shoulder or a fist-bump can do for someone.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Hell, shorts, and spiritual health

Another random blog

1) Hell

  There is a (somewhat) new belief on the horizon. It is being preached and believed by way too many people who call themselves Christian: There is no hell. Everyone will go to Heaven in the end because God loves us too much to let anyone spend an eternity in hell. There is even a name for this belief: universalism. It is espoused by such people as Rob Bell and William Paul Young, the author of the controversial book The Shack.

 It is a pretty bold - and heretical - thing to do to declare there is no hell. After all, you are daring to disagree with the God of all gods, your maker and redeemer. You are basically saying you know better than hundreds of years of theologians in addition to God Himself.

 I constantly see people sharing things by or praising men who have this very, very wrong belief. Should we as Christians have anything to do with a person or their books who have such heretical ideas and teachings......even if they are in a fiction book that makes us feel good?

Hell IS real, and many of the people claiming no one will go there, may end up there themselves.

2) Shorts

 Am I the only one to notice and wonder why this is: the average woman wears shorts showing most of her thigh and often barely covers their butt and underwear. The average man wears shorts to or below the knee. Do a bunch of perverts design women's shorts, or do women want to show more of their bodies....or both?

3) Spiritual health

  As I am having to be more careful again about what I eat due to my high sugar, the thought has hit me that we tend to worry more about our physical health than spiritual. We should be more concerned about what we are taking into our minds, ears, and eyes that are bad for us spiritually than what we are eating.

4) He who cannot be criticized

  I am still glad I voted the way I did this past election - against The Donald and Hillary. I still am disgusted my party stooped so low and exhibits such a huuuuge double standard.

5) Vacation

  The beach is only 17 days away........ but who is counting?! (We all are!)

  I may attempt a picture of the sunrise on the ocean again. A few years back, I attempted that.....and it was too cloudy. I got up early and sat on the beach for nothing. Is it worth another try?

6) Deplorables

  Do the people who proudly wear that name even know what it means?

7) Family

  My family got together last night for my mom's birthday. I am thankful we are so close and have so much fun together. There is a lot of laughing, and no bickering.....something unusual in families today.

8) ER visit

  My sugar is what turns out to be causing me my problems lately, It was high enough yesterday that I went to the Emergency Department. They gave me an IV, instructions, and a prescription for 1000 mg a day of pills. I took today off from work as I am still feeling out of it, but am planning on going tomorrow.....prayers appreciated.

Saturday, May 6, 2017

May musings

I have felt like blogging lately, but haven't had the energy...... but while I have a little bit, I am going to attempt one. It will be various topics, and that way I can stop when I feel like it :)

 And you can pick and choose which ones to read and which to pass on.......

 Also, May musings made for good alliteration.  :)

1) My health

  My depression has been better lately due to new meds, and I thought it was affecting me in some various ways. I have been majorly fatigued during the day, often afraid to drive and feeling almost unable to function. I checked my sugar today, and it was alarmingly high, and one symptom of high sugar is fatigue and difficulty sleeping.... among some other issues I am having.

 I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes last March, but got my weight and sugar down low enough that I got off meds for it...... but unfortunately, I didn't keep at it.

 And I am tired of napping so much, but the fatigue forces me to doing it.

2) Politics

  It has been interesting watching the political spectrum as someone who voted Independent. Obama supporters are criticizing things in Trump that Obama did, and vice versa. Are we truly bothered by things a president does wrong, or only when it is someone of the opposite party?

3) Gaither DVDs

  I have found it to be very relaxing and encouraging to watch Gaither Homecoming DVDs. I have been fortunate to find some for next to nothing recently at used stores and on eBay. There is the occasional artist and/or song I don't care for, but that is what the fast forward and skip buttons are for.

4) Makeup

  Speaking of Gaither DVDs,,,,, I just watched one where 2 sisters in a group had on purple eye shadow. How and why did painting one's eyelids become a thing? I personally think it makes women look ridiculous, and not unlike a raccoon. Why stop at the eyelids? They should do the nose too :)

And what is up with the lips.....it looks creepy. :-p

And isn't it odd that the only place make-up is mentioned in the Bible, is where it mentions Jezebel putting it on.........

If women are the fairer sex, why do they need makeup to look better, while we guys don't?

5) Birthday

  My birthday is only 20 days away, and I am not excited about turning another year older. This past year went too fast, and the guy in the mirror is getting older with not much to show for it,

6) Bread

 I love bread...... and it is something diabetics need to cut waaaaay back on. Yuk.

7) Paymore and not-the-best-buy

  It pays to shop around even for lesser purchases. I could have gotten the sandals I wanted at Payless for $29.99 on sale, and found them at Walmart for $16.72...... so much for "payless". Should be "paymore shoes".

 I have also noticed that Best Buy does not always have the "best buy". Irony, you show  yourself well in these 2 stores.

 And I really needed new sandals..... if the weather ever stays warm and dry enough to wear them.

8) Animals

  I used to be grossed out by animals in the house. I have come to realize that animals in general gross me out. Kittens and puppies are OK, but other than that...... yuk. I am definitely not an animal lover. Unless of course, it is fried chicken, stuffed turkey, bacon, etc...... :)

9) Vacation

 My entire family leaves the day after my birthday for a week at the ocean. I wish I could stay there. I am looking forward to it, and looking forward to  the hot tub, swimming pool, and every bedroom having its own bathroom..... yeah!

 One thing we are doing different this year is touring the Coast Guard Station there. I have never toured one, and am looking forward to it.

10) Humor

  A lot of people tease me about my jokes being lame/dumb, but I am thankful for the sense of humor I have, Not discounting God, but I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have my sense of humor. I thank God for it, even if no one else does. :)

11) House

 I still haven't found a house. My broker occasionally sends me one to check out, but I have seen nothing I like lately. It is discouraging.

12) At least it isn't snow

 I don't think the majority of us are thankful enough. I have thought to myself "at least it isn't snow" a lot this past week. It has rained and rained, and been cooler than I prefer, but I have consoled myself with that thought that at least it isn't snow.

 But what if we applied  that kind of thinking to other things in life? When something bad happens, what if we think "at least it isn't _____"?

13) Work

  I am still not happy with my job, and don't know what to do about it. I need it, and I need the health  insurance it provides. I have a hard time standing for 10 hours, there is too much pressure to always be on a "high", and there are a few other issues.

14) Piano

  I have not been playing the piano as much lately as I would like, mostly due to this fatigue affecting all I do..... but I did try to play the Point of Grace song "Jesus Will Still Be There" unsuccessfully. For some songs, I  need the music as some are too difficult to pick out by ear.

15) Funniest music moment

  I was reminded recently of my funniest gaffe when playing in church. I had recently learned to play the organ, as all our organ players had left in a church split. My Sunday School teacher and I both taught ourselves to play it, not a difficult task if you play the piano.

 Her mother-in-law had died and I was asked to play the organ for the funeral service. I tended to play loud and fast, so I was doing my best to play softly and slowly. And then it happened: the pastor led the congregation in My Jesus, I Love Thee. I was playing too softly, and he led in a different key than I was playing. It sounded horrible, and the deceased family was about in tears from trying not to laugh.

 That was my one and only time to play for a funeral, but I did learn something. :)

  And that is all for now