Pride

  **Another post which may make the average Christian uncomfortable. If you are not the average Christian, you have nothing to fear!

  I have debated about posting this possibly more than any other I have posted. Posting something like this can open me up for a lot of stuff I don't want to deal with.

  I mentioned it before, but back during the election, a lady from my church said I shouldn't have an issue with Donald Trump, given my past. She doesn't know me well enough to make such statements, as she doesn't know what I have done or haven't done. If she has paid attention, she most likely knows and was referring to the fact that I am attracted to guys and not women. She is most likely not the only person to have those thoughts. There is a lot I could say in reply to what she said, and what others may be thinking.... but I am not. If I was running for a political office and people could see everything I have done and said, the religious right might go running from voting for me. But this is not a political post, so I am not going to get political. I am aware I could be judged, and am aware of what people may think....but I honestly don't care. There are few people on my list of who I care what they think of me. Most of them are related to me. Fear of what people may or may not think of me is not going to stop me from discussing this issue that is such a big part of my life.

 Something happened today that made me decide to actually post this. A man I am not friends with on Facebook messaged me. I am always leery of accepting such messages, as they are often hate filled rants for comments I made politically or other, but I clicked on it. To respect his privacy, I won't give any details except he is a guy who struggles with same-sex attractions, feels very alone, and feels rejected by the church. He ran across my Gay Cross post, and was encouraged by it. We chatted some, and hopefully will do so more in the future. That is why I talk about this stuff. If what I write helps even one person struggling, it is worth whatever people think of me for posting it. That all said, here is the actual post:

   June is Pride month, as in gay pride. I have been thinking about it all month, and it is difficult not to since we are reminded everywhere that it is going on.

 I am going to make a statement, and follow it up with some other thoughts you may disagree with.... but stick with me:

 I understand gay pride, and their need to celebrate it.

  For years, gay people had to hide their sexuality. It was the norm to ridicule and ostracize someone who was attracted to the same sex. There was a day it could get you fired, and suffering in other ways. You could get beaten up and killed if people knew. You still can in some countries.

   It isn't fun to hide it. I realized I was attracted to the same sex at the age of 21 while in a very conservative Bible college. (Looking back, I can see the signs way earlier, I was just a naive kid who barely knew what gay meant.) Had anyone known at that time, I would have been kicked out of that Bible college with no understanding or compassion. I became a master at hiding it, at dodging the questions about why I wasn't married or dating. I wore a mask that left people believing I had no desire to marry.

   But inside, I was a terrified guy. I was scared to death of people finding out my deep, dark secret.....that I, Mark Buzard, had no attraction or interest in women. No, I was attracted to and interested in other guys. No one could ever find out. I sat in the church pew for years, afraid people in the church would find out and cause me to feel more alone than I already felt. I stopped going to the altar because preachers said you should pray aloud up there, and there was no way I was praying aloud about my struggles. I felt alone and without help in the very place I should have felt the opposite.

    There were some very rough years. I wish I had had the resources and people available to me then that I have now. There were times I so badly wanted to end it all, but knew I'd drop straight into hell and leave my family devastated...... so I kept getting up every day and trying my best to deal with the cards I had been dealt. Thankfully,  I have several Facebook friends who also deal with this issue, or have loved ones who do. Back then, I had no one. There were a few books on the subject....but very few. I can still remember the first time I bought one at my local Christian bookstore.....where they knew me well. I lied and said I had a gay relative. Later, after a "friend"/coworker outtted me to everyone there while I was working there, I reminded that same lady about it..... and she said she never thought anything of it. A side note...that same lady has a gay son my age who lives with his lover, and she never had anyone to talk to about it until my sexuality got broadcasted to everyone at the store. So good can come out of bad.

  I find myself wondering if I had then what I have now if I would have done some of the things I did as I struggled and floundered with these feelings and struggles I had no clue how to deal with. I wonder if I could have believed God loved me sooner if I hadn't been so alone in my secrets, shame, and struggles.

 But the past is the past, and it cannot be changed.

    I eventually started confiding in a person here and there over the years. The more people I told, the easier it got to tell. I started talking about it on this blog, but in general terms that people would have to read between the lines to know what I was talking about..... and some people got it. One of my favorite cousins messaged me at one point and said she got it and gave me some very positive words I appreciated.

   And then as I have mentioned before, I did a blog post on here where I just admitted it in blunt terms. And it made a tremendous difference in my life. Unless you have had a secret you were afraid people would find out, you will never understand the feelings when you drag the secret out into public and not care anymore.

   One thing that has happened, is the shame is gone. I am not ashamed I am attracted to other guys. It isn't my fault. I didn't ask for it, nor can I change it. God helps in that area, but for most of us we will deal with it on some level for life. Does that mean I am glad I have these attractions? No. I am not, but it could be something worse. I am just not ashamed anymore. Sure, there may be people who shun me because of it.... I really don't know. I think more people shun be because I am anti-Trump than because of my same-sex attractions. I am kind of joking......People may be uncomfortable and wonder why I talk about it so much, but it is freeing and I just don't worry what people think anymore. Plus, it encouraged me to find others in the same boat as me, I hope to also encourage others......while helping Christians who have no clue to get a clue.

    But all of these gay people celebrating gay pride month are experiencing those same feelings. Many of them hid their sexuality, afraid of people finding out. Some remember the days when it was dangerous to be gay. Some have been kicked out of their parents' house for being gay, but have found people to accept them for who they are. They, like me, are no longer ashamed.

   Unlike them though, I am not proud. Not being ashamed and being proud are two very different things. The Bible condemns pride, and says it goes before destruction. It is sad that a month is celebrated by so many who are proud to be gay. Proud of behavior and sin that will one day send them to hell unless they repent.

  Yes, I understand the gay pride, but I don't agree with it. I don't believe cities should have to host gay pride parades. I don't believe the stuff that goes on in those parades should be allowed to go on in public, but for some reason our country bows to anything gay and lets them get away with all sorts of things that should not be seen and done in public. And yeah...even I wonder what would happen if anyone tried to have straight pride parades.

   Walls Down is a great ministry I follow on Facebook. Their mission statement is: "To tear down the walls that exist between the LGBT community and God's family and to equip the church to reach out and love them effectively through the power of the Gospel." I usually agree with what they post and do, but they posted an article on the 9th that I disagreed with. They defend pride month and gay pride parades. (Article here.) I don't want to do that, and I hope I have not. I have attempted to show why I understand and relate to it.....but I do not agree with or approve of it. As I said earlier, being unashamed and being proud are two very different things.

   As this month rolls along with the constant gay pride parades and reminders of it across TV and social media, try this: pray for these people. Many of them think Christians hate them, with good reason. There are many who seem beyond the reach of God's grace. But no one is. Let me introduce you to David Bennett, former agnostic and gay rights activist.....now Christian and part of the ministry of Ravi Zacharias, and one of my new heroes. He has a book coming out in October that is on my wish list, A War of Loves. He is proof that God can reach the most militant of gay people.

 And remember, pride is always a sin....not just gay pride, but all pride.

Thoughts on guns, violence, bullying, and messed up kids

  Another tragic school shooting has happened, and as usual the liberals/gun rights hating crowd is blaming everyone but the shooter. Why blame the shooter? What sense would that make? Nah, it is the fault of the NRA, Republicans, the gun manufacturer, and even Trump. (still not a Trump fan, but his fault...really?!)

 The reactions of the liberals is always so predictable that I could almost write their reactions ahead of time. It is pathetic. They can't wait until the bodies are cold before they are crawling atop the bodies, screaming for more gun control, and pointing fingers at everyone but the shooter. I even had a more liberal friend (sorry if you read this) post that she doesn't want to hear thoughts and prayers, but policy change.

 But do we really need more gun laws? Many experts say that if we kept the laws on the books, that would be enough.

 And ironically many of those screaming the loudest and pointing the most fingers have guns, or people protecting them with guns......i.e. celebrities and politicians. Really, should Nancy Pelosi or Ashton Kutcher have any more of a right to be protected by a gun than I do? NO! Absolutely not.

 I did a first today. I bought a pistol. I filled out the paperwork, and had a background check. I have wanted to get one for a while, and that is what I did with part of my tax refund. Up next: a safety course. Sadly, there are many people who would be against my having a pistol.

 I posted this on Facebook yesterday, and surprisingly did not get any backlash. I'd like to expound a bit on it:

Maybe. ....just maybe if we had not kicked God out of the schools and everywhere else atheists and liberals have succeeded in doing so.....and if we had not made life seem so inconsequential with abortion. ....we wouldn't be having these school shootings.

They didn't happen years ago. Guns are not the problem. Godless people have undermined the sanctity of life and helped our country move even further from God and good.

Guns haven't changed. People have changed. Want school shootings to stop? Put God, morals and values, and anything else good back in schools and the government. Stop letting Hollywood dictate our morals and beliefs. Keep families together.

Guns aren't the problem, and more gun laws won't help. Evil is the problem, and America is embracing it on every front while kicking God and values to the curb

 I am a very big proponent of Christian schools. I am 100% against public schools, and am not a fan of home schooling - an admission that just about requires being put into witness protection........ :) If had kids and there was no Christian school near me, I would home school as a last resort over public schools. That said, there needed to be more overseeing when I was in school.

 My parents were backslidden until I was 11 1/2 years of age, but still had us kids in a Christian school all 3 of us attended K-12. We had no TV after that time, and I grew up in a home where my parents loved each other, our family ate supper together - except when my dad worked afternoon shift. My parents always knew where we were, and we didn't wander the streets unchecked. Of course I never had friends, so there was that.

 I was bullied a lot in school, especially in the grades 6-9. Unfortunately for a Christian school, good Christian kids in the higher grades were a rarity. Add to it that I was quiet, was terrible at and uninterested in sports, and I may as well have painted a target on my back. I was forced to play sports I didn't like or understand for gym class, and was the kid no one wanted on their team. Many times when the teacher left the class room, it became bully  Mark time. I had kids waiting to shove me into the snow after school, and more. Boys did and said things to me that I still believe largely played into my same-sex attractions and my years battle to believe God loved me and that anyone truly liked me......something I still struggle with. My own cousin tried to shove a pencil up my nose as I was held down by other boys....and these were junior high and high school boys.

 And then it carried over to Bible college for a couple of years.

 But you know what? It never entered my mind to take one of my dad's guns to school and start blowing my tormentors away. Never. I often look back and wish I had fought back and wonder how I would have turned out if I had instead of just taking it and trying to hide from bullies. Stuff like that just didn't happen back then. If it had, would I have been one of those messed up kids responsible for a school shooting? I like to think I wouldn't have. I was a pretty good kid. I was raised in the church. My family did a lot together. We had family devotions. I came from a family that hunts....dad, cousins, uncles, grandpa.......all the guys except me......but no one from my family has ever taken a gun and shot someone.

 Guns and hunting were talked about in school. Go back far enough and boys had guns in their cars parked on school property..... and never took them into the school to kill someone. What changed? As I said in my Facebook post, guns didn't change.

 God is the ultimate answer to everything. No matter how far I have strayed from Him at different times in my life, there has always been that deep seated belief. God used to have a place in our country. They prayed in public schools. Our politicians mostly had a respect for God, His laws, and His Word. Most businesses closed for the Sabbath Day and most people went to church. There may have been bad on TV, but nothing compared to what we have now.

 But God has been kicked out of the public schools, and if a teacher dare brings God or the Bible up, he or she will most likely be fired. Hollywood mocks Christianity and God, and puts the most vile stuff on for people's viewing pleasure. Sex isn't for marriage anymore, and no one expects kids to remain virgins, and they are even encouraged to experiment with the same sex. We murder babies daily while one political party celebrates those murders and has that "right" as part of their political platform.

 Perversion is marched down our streets in the name of "pride", and anyone who dares hold to the Bible is mocked and branded hateful. More and more Christians and churches are embracing sin and claiming God is OK with it. Kids as young as toddlers are being encouraged to be the opposite sex, in spite of the increased chances of suicide, and the fact that many regret the attempted change.

 TV has become more violent and vulgar. Social media is a place where people feel free to be hateful and bully others.

 Daily, America embraces more and more evil and vulgar practices and sin. We as a country don't want Him, His outdated laws and books, and certainly not his archaic sexual practices.

 We decry sexual assaults on women, while raving about movies like the 50 Shades trilogy that glorify what we are decrying.

 We scream about protecting out kids from guns, while exposing them to all kinds of vile perversions, encouraging kids to be sexual, to change their gender, to murder their babies, and to not have to be responsible for their actions.

 Pedophilia is becoming accepted by more and more people, and will likely one day be legal if we keep going down the slippery slope godless liberals and others keep pushing us down.

 We have lost respect for life.

 Respect is not taught, and the liberal media screams how evil cops, white people, and men are.

 Marriage has become rare, and people would rather shack up instead of committing to a lifelong marriage relationship with anyone.

 We have made a mockery of God's ideal for marriage with easy sex, shacking up, divorce, multiple marriages, and gay marriage.

 Marriages don't last, and selfish parents wreck havoc on their kids because they care more about themselves than the spouse they promised to love forever or the kids that came as a result of that marriage.

 Kids grow up in homes without fathers, and are daily reminded by Hollywood that fathers are stupid and unnecessary. Boys grow up without the fathers they desperately need, either having no father at all, one they see on weekends and holidays, or having one absent emotionally.

 Video games have gotten more violent, and some kids and adults barely function outside of a virtual world they are addicted to.

 America has become more and more evil and godless, and we dare wonder why He stands idly by and lets school shootings and other violence happen?

 We could grab and melt down every gun in America, and nothing would change. Mentally ill and evil people would still find a way to kill and destroy. It has always been that way, but as long as we kick God, His laws, and His Word to the curb and allow evil godless people to push our country down the path they want, nothing will ever change.

 And ultimately, only one person is responsible when a shooting like these happen: the shooter. We all make choices how we deal with stuff. I made choices....not all good, but I sure didn't choose violence as the answer to my bullying.

A response to "5 Reasons We Don’t Send Our Kids To Christian Schools (but you might, and should)"

David C Cook publishing linked to an article on Facebook that irritated and bothered me. The writer, a pastor, basically bashed Christian schools and why he didn't send his kids to one. It is titled "
   5 Reasons We Don’t Send Our Kids To Christian Schools (but you might, and should)". He may never see my response, but here it is anyway.


  I and my sisters attended a Christian school all of our years, K-12. The same school. It wasn't perfect. I got bullied and picked on way too much and have scars I carry to this day. Would I send my kids to a Christian school if I had any? Yes, but I would teach them what no one ever taught me: fight back, defend yourself. Don't be a bully, but don't let yourself be a victim. I am sorry, but that turn the other cheek stuff doesn't work too well when you're a kid.

  1) Quality of teachers:  In his first point, he brings up the quality of teachers. I know of a lot of extraordinary teachers. Our school in my church is one such school. We have teachers who have their Masters Degree. One also teaches at a college. They are quality teachers.

  Are there some who aren't? Of course. Just as there are preachers who are not, but does that mean we bash all churches and decide not to attend, decide not to let our kids attend? No!

2) Poor funding base. This is a lousy reason. Christian education is important, and not all are funded well. Ours is funded in part by our church which sees the necessity of Christian education. I don't see a funding problem there. Maybe more churches need to invest more in schools... maybe that is something pastors could do instead of bashing the schools.... but I won't mention any names......

3) Both Have “Problem Kids” and “Negative Influences”: true... and often the preacher's kids are the bad influence, Mr. Jones :-)... I saw a few cases of kids being sent to our school for "rehabilitation", but for the most part it was parents who didn't want their kids in public school. Were there negative influences? Of course. But there are also in church and everywhere else.... again, lousy argument here.

4) Creepy Fundamentalists. OK, this one is just ignorant and condescending. Fundamentalists aren't creepy. And I am not sure I'd want my kids listening to the Jonas Brothers.... they wouldn't listen to much secular music at all, as I feel Christians in general shouldn't listen to much secular music when there is so much good Christian music out there.

My church is conservative - in fact, it might fall into his "creepy fundamentalist" category - though I'd rather stand for something, than for nothing and be so liberal you don't believe anything is wrong - but the focus is on education. We have kids who don't attend our church that go to the school, and we have no indoctrination plans on them. And he would rather his kids be indoctrinated by creepy godless teachers who have pro-gay, pro-socialist, and anti-God ideals?

5) Discipleship. Kids weren't meant to be missionaries. You shouldn't toss them in a godless atmosphere and expect them to convert other kids. The other kids will most likely convert THEM to their godless ideals.

  I have no kids, but am very involved in my nieces' and nephews' lives. The nieces are in a Christian school, and have been all of their lives. I would put their education up against any public school kid. I see what they are learning, and wow..... they are going to be smarter than I am.

  My nephews have been in a Christian school til this year when they moved. They are being home schooled now, which is not our family's first choice, but it is better than public school.


 Kids are important. Parents are entrusted with them and they are the only thing they can take to Heaven. Why risk their souls and put them in godless schools, under godless teachers, many of whom would scoff at our beliefs and our God.

  Mr Jones had his list, here is my list why I wouldn't send my kids, or want my nieces and nephews, sent to a public school:

1) No God. God has been kicked out of the public school. In Christian schools, our kids are taught the Bible, memorize Scripture, learn good morals.

I have been amazed to find out how little people know their Bible. I worked in a Christian bookstore and in discussions would bring up a verse to support what I said, and my co-workers were shocked and didn't know that was in the Bible. I was on a bus ride to a concert and they played Bible trivia. I beat everyone else soundly, and there are tons of people who know their Bibles better than me.... but I attended a Christian school all of my life, and learned the Bible.

2) Evolution: I would assume most, or all public schools, do not teach the Biblical account of Creation, but teach evolution. It has become so prevalent that some Christians seem to believe some aspects of evolution. I wouldn't want my kids to be taught that.

3) Sex. Kids in public schools are taught sex outside of marriage is good and OK. They should experiment. That homosexuality is normal and good, and that they should experiment with others of the same gender. There have been cases of kids as young as Kindergarten being taught this stuff. Obama put a man in charge of the educational department that was gay and had handed out pamphlets encouraging and describing sexual activities I don't want to mention here. Those are  the kind of people put in charge of public education.

4) Schools are not mission fields. There are people, including Mr Jones, who feel we shouldn't pull out of the public school, but should have Christian influence there. As I already said, kids are not missionary material. They may get sucked in.

5) Government. The government does nothing well. And right now, we have the most godless, most socialist/communist leaning politicians in control of our government, including public schools, which are government controlled, and government owned. I would never want my kids in government run education.... not with the stuff they are shoving down kids' throats.

6) God intended for Christian education. In the Bible, there are more than on Scripture that would indicate that the Bible should be the foundation for learning. Jewish kids were taught in the temple, by rabbis, by religious people. I doubt there was such a thing as public schools in Israel where kids were taught the opposite of the Bible.

  Even in early America, the public schools taught the Bible. The further this country has gotten from God and Christian principles, the worse our schools have gotten. Looking at the Bible, I cannot believe God would want our kids sent to public schools over Christian.

7) Revised history. I read enough news to know that public schools are revising history. In a lot of cases, the Christian principles that founded this country are ignored. Good people are put down and evil are brought up. In some cases, a different political party is assigned to someone rather than admit they were a Republican - they just did that to Lincoln.

  God is all through the founding of America... and kids are taught that in Christian schools. But not in most public schools.

8) Kids are impressionable. They soak up things, believe what they hear..... do you really want someone in charge of your kids 8 hours a day, 180 days a year, who does not have your belief system? Who mocks the idea of creation, of God?

  You may claim you will counter act what they are taught. Really? You will undo 8 hours in the few hours before they go to bed? Good luck with that.

10) Dedicated teachers. Christian teachers are usually called. They will work for less, because they care. It isn't about the money. It is all about the money with public school teachers. Don't believe me? Try to get rid of teacher's unions, and you will see.

There isn't much more despicable actions by a teacher, than to go on strike for better pay and make the kids suffer..... some teachers may care, but the majority of them care about one thing, and it isn't your kids.. its money.

11) Violence. It is possible for a shooting to happen in a Christian school, but not likely. There is so much violence and school shootings in public schools nowadays, I'd be scared just for that reason.


This world is getting more wicked. Our country is getting further and further from God. As it does, the schools are getting worse. I'd be scared to let my kids in a public school.

We should support Christian schools. If you have kids, send them. If not, find ways to support them. One day, the public schools will be so bad, you will wish for Christian schools, but they will have died out because too many Christians didn't use them.

If you think they need improved, jump in and do something about it.

I haven't said much about home schooling, because I am not a big fan of it. It bothers me when people can attend a church like mine and have a great school to send their kids to, and they home school. This is not a treatise against home schooling..... that doesn't go well. It is a sacred cow one does dare not touch...... but I will say, if there is no Christian school around, then home school. Do not put the government in charge of your kids. Do not let your kids have a godless, socialist, pro-gay, pro-sex education.

Christian schools are far from perfect, but instead of criticizing and avoiding them, how about supporting them, praying for them, getting involved, offering constructive ideas how to improve them?

But no, we'd rather send them to public school, home school, and write blogs telling what is wrong with them.

I won't un-Christianize people who send their kids to a public school, though question why they would risk their kids souls if they can afford Christian schools or home schooling. I just think it is dangerous.

And I know not all public schools are the same. Around my area, I doubt a teacher would face many problems for mentioning God, whereas in more liberal locations, they would. And the schools around here don't seem to have much violence.

But God is still not in those schools. So why should His children?

And I know, someone is bound to say "God is everywhere." Indeed He is, but mention of Him, worship of Him, praying to Him is not allowed everywhere.