I read an interesting article this week written by a man who deals with same-sex attractions. He made an interesting point that I'd like to expound on. Original article here.
One point the pro-gay theology people use to make a case for God being OK with homosexuality is that Jesus never addressed the issue.....so He is OK with it. That is a pretty lousy point for a few reasons: 1) there is a lot Jesus didn't address which is wrong. 2) The whole Bible is God's Word....not just the Gospels..... and it is addressed other places in the Bible.
And then there is the 3rd point, which is often used as an argument against this very bad reasoning: Although Jesus did not address homosexuality, He did address marriage......and everywhere He did, He used a man and woman. He left no room for same-sex relationships.
So everything is cool. It makes a lot of sense to use those verses on marriage to help prove Jesus did not approve of homosexuality/same-sex relationships.
No, everything is not cool. As the writer of the article I read pointed out, these verses often used to argue against Jesus' approval of same-sex relationships do say something else many churches and Christians tend to ignore or twist.
It is kind of ironic. I was against gay marriage being passed. As a guy dealing with same-sex attractions, I can see both sides of the issue. I understand that two gay men in a relationship might want marriage, though gay relationships usually don't tend to last very long.....but then neither do heterosexual ones anymore. The ironic part: when gay marriage was passed, evangelical Christians across the country declared this was a mockery of God's intention for marriage. Yet, marriage had already been made a mockery by heterosexuals with shacking up, abortion, and divorce......even among Christians. Gay marriage did not mock God's institution of marriage..........that had happened long before gay marriage.
It is a bit unfair to accuse the gay community of such a thing when Christians have been complicit in doing the same thing. And Christians also do something gay people do. I have read much on homosexuality, same-sex attractions, gay marriage, and anything relating to those over the years. I have read and heard arguments from both sides, and remain convinced of a few things:
1) Sex and any sexual relationship between two people of the same sex is sin and is not approved of by God, no matter how monogamous or loving.
2) You have to either totally ignore or do some major twising of Scripture to make a case for God being OK with anything gay.
3) And I may as well throw this one in: being attracted to the same sex is NOT a choice. The choice is what you do with that.
4) Being attracted to the same sex is not a sin. Lust and giving into those attractions is.
5) Christians are as guilty of ignoring and twisting Scriptures.
I am going to focus on #5, for that is what the article I read was about. Fasten your seat belts, for you are in for a major insight: those same verses used to show Jesus does not approve of any gay relationship also prove/show something else: Jesus does not a approve of marriage after divorce. Ouch!
In Matthew 9, Jesus is asked about divorce. I won't quote the whole passage, but it is verses 3-10. Verse 9 says "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality,[d] and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” And again in Mark 10 2-10, quoting verses 11-12 "So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. 12 And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
Doesn't it seem a bit off - to put it mildly - to use these verses to show Jesus only approved of marriage between a man and woman, but ignore the rest of it?
I attend a church that still believes and teaches against divorce and remarriage......but I feel as a denomination, we are getting softer on the issue.
Here is the blunt truth: Jesus said anyone who divorces and remarries commits adultery...... and anyone who marries a divorced person commits adultery..... no ifs, and, or buts. No exceptions.
But we make exceptions. He/she is innocent. It isn't fair for him/her to go through life without a marriage partner because they are divorced.......yet is is fair for people with same-sex attractions to go through life lonely with no marriage partner? I have actually had those thoughts when discussing the issue of divorce and remarriage. "What about me? I have a life of singleness, celibacy, and loneliness ahead of me if I am to live for Christ." Is it any more unfair to expect the divorced person to remain single and celibate, than it is to expect the person with same-sex attractions to do so? Sure, some people with same-sex attractions can marry the opposite sex.....but many cannot.
This may sound harsh and hard, but being a Christian isn't always easy or fair.
I have friends and relatives who have married after divorcing. Our family does not attend a wedding of people marrying who are divorced. We don't make a big deal about it.....we just don't do it. And don't get me wrong: I don't sit around and view people as adulterers after marrying and being divorced. If it makes sense, I totally disagree with them doing it and do believe Jesus said it is adultery. But after the deed is done, I leave that up to God. Their marriage may have started out against what I believe the Bible teaches, but they are still my friend or relative, and I am not going to hold it against them. After the fact, it is between them and God.
But the fact remains, the church as a whole is a hypocrite when it comes to sexuality. The answer is not to do as more liberal Christians and churches have done and gone along with the pro-gay theology. It is not love to encourage people to engage in sin that will send them to hell for eternity while patting them on the back and telling them they can be a Christian and do that.
However, does the church really have any right to pull their righteous robes around them and condemn gay people for their sins, while they too are ignoring/twisting Scripture on sexuality and marriage? There are gay people pointing out the double standard and hypocrisy on these issues, but no one wants to hear them or admit they are right.
And the church has become to accepting of heterosexual sin in general. Yes, it is wrong for two men or two women to have sex. But it is also wrong for a man and woman to have sex if they are not married, and it is also wrong for a man and woman to marry if one or both of them are divorced.
There are 3 couples I think of when this topic comes up:(names have been changed)
1) Mike and Mindy
I had some friends who attended my church for several years. They were both raised as I was, and attended the same kind of church all of their lives. They met in Bible college, and dated. They fought a lot, and broke up a few times, but got back together and married. He told me more than once that if our church believed in divorce and remarriage, they would divorce. Well, they eventually left our church and went where that was accepted..... and now they are divorced and both are remarried. I have often wondered why they married. They had a volatile dating relationship, and had a lot of marriage problems. Had they waited, maybe neither would be divorced and be married to the right one.
2) John and Martha
John was married and had a few kids to the woman he met in Bible college. While working for that Bible college, he got the hots for a single gal from my church and started meeting her for sex. It came out, and he stopped....only to go back to his little homewrecker. He eventually divorced his wife, married his little sex partner, and both are wonderful Christians who attend church faithfully and have had more kids between the two of them.
3) Harry and Sally
Harry and Sally were missionaries in another country. Sally was sick for a while and unable to perform her "wifely duties." Harry got the hots for a native woman and hooked up with her......I have no idea how long or how many times. He confessed, and they were yanked from the mission field, and he lost his preaching license. Everything seemed OK for a few years, then suddenly Harry divorced Sally, causing all kinds of problems in his kids... not sure they are still all OK with the mess. He is now married to another woman, still a Christian, and doing what he never believed to be right years ago.
I'll be honest. It is not easy dealing with same-sex attractions. It is far more difficult than anyone can imagine. I wish I had someone to love, someone to go out to eat with, someone to cuddle with. And to be bluntly honest.....maybe too blunt for anyone reading this post.....those desires are for a man, not a woman. But God's Word says that is sin. But God's Word also says all of the three scenarios above are sin....... and any marriage involving a divorced person. So does anyone OK with divorce and remarriage really have any right to condemn a gay relationship?
Back to my friend "Mike" in the first scenario. Long before his divorce, we were discussing these issues. He took major issue with the fact that my family will not attend a wedding where one or both individuals is divorced. I posed this question to him: "Gay marriage is going to be legal some day (it is now). The chances of you being invited to a gay wedding at some point is very likely. Would you go?" He made the claim that gay marriage is different from divorce and remarriage because God doesn't recognize gay marriage. OK, but who is to say He recognizes marriages of divorced individuals? He declared that adultery.... so I honestly don't know how God views those marriages after the deed is done. As I said, I don't hold it against people and leave that between them and God.
The Bible has become a box of chex mix to Christians. We focus on the verses important to us, and tend to ignore the ones that are inconvenient...... like divorce and remarriage, hair, and others. Anything gay....oh yeah, we have to be outraged about that.
I am in no way trying to make allowances or excuses for gay relationships of any kind. I AM saying the church should be consistent, and that we as a whole are doing the same thing with divorce and remarriage that we are faulting the pro-gay theology people for doing with gay marriage and relationships: twisting and ignoring Scripture.
Well written and argued as always. There are some points I disagree with, but I do want to make it clear I agree with almost all of what you wrote. These points below are just a few details.
ReplyDeletea) you mentioned, in your report of "Mike and Mindy" that they could perhaps have married "the right one". There is no such a thing as "a right one" because God leaves that to our choice. Obviously there are some "wrong" ones, such as marrying someone who is married to someone else, or a Christian marrying a non believer, or two men having the pretense of being married. I am not sure if I quite understood what you wanted to say with the phrase "right one" but it gives the impression that they divorced because they were not "meant" to be for each other. Once a couple gets married, they "become" the right one and have to work at it.
b) The question of divorce and second marriages is a tough one. Part of this toughness is simple to understand - we do not want to accept what Jesus clearly taught on the subject. But part of it is because, and I must be careful how I word my sentence, the Bible is not as clear as we would like about this topic. There definitely is an exception clause "except in case of immorality" and what exactly that means is open to interpretation. I stand with the Reformers, who taught that it meant adultery - and the innocent party would be free to remarry if so wished.In the original Greek, the exception clause applies to the whole phrase, that is, a new relationship would be allowed as if the offending party were dead, as was the case under the Mosaic law. But let's take it a bit further, just to illustrate that this is not as clear as you wrote. Say a couple divorces and remarries and then become Christians. So should they separate? Or let's say they wereChristians, as is the case with some of the examples you mentioned - should they separate? John Piper, who has a very strict understanding of marriage (similar to yours) says that in that case the couple should recognize that what they did was wrong, but since they have made vows, they should stay married. He gives very strong biblical evidence for that (see in the Desiring God webpage). Other Christians argue that if it were some other sin, repentance would imply leaving the sin, so by logic the adulterous couple should separate. So things are not so easy. More - what constitutes a marriage? Say a couple starts living together, have been together for 20 years, have three children, but never signed the papers? Are they married? I think they are, but opinions are not unanimous (is that how you spell that word in English?)
c) What about abuse? May a woman divorce a husband who beats her up and even threatens her life? Does it fit into "desertion" (the other exception, based on Paul's instruction in 1 Corinthians)?
d) Finally, I think we should be careful when addressing this issue. Same sex attractions are a difficult temptation, as you know, and you expect people to respond to you in mercy and understanding. So similarly should we address this issue of people in relationships in which they should not have entered - but did, nonetheless. It's one thing to say that what they did was wrong, but quite another how to best and lovingly help them and counsel them. I have been married now for 25 years and I strongly support the biblical view of marriage, just in case someone thinks I'm a liberal or something!