But the thought has stuck with me. What is our total worth? We tend to judge the worth of ourselves and everyone else by outward things. If people hold a steady job, have a nice family, a good marriage, go to church regularly, and are good people....they are worth more in our eyes than the drunk on the corner or the drug addict shooing up another fix.
I often judge myself harshly and view my worth by a myriad of different things that won't matter in the end. For the last 9 years, I have been living with my parents with most of my things in storage. Most of the time, I didn't have a full time job that paid enough to get my own place, but in the last few years I have.... yet I couldn't seem to find a place. My self worth has been really low..... here I am a guy in my 40's, living with my parents, and having most of what I own in a storage unit. Shame has been a constant companion, and the whispers of "you're hopeless and worthless" play over and over in my brain like an annoying song you can't get out of your head.
But now things are changing. If all goes well, I plan to move at the end of this month and rent a 3 bedroom house for a very reasonable amount. I am excited and a bit fearful. It has been 11 years since I lived on my own. Life is going to be totally different, and I'll have responsibilities that I haven't had for a while.
The question arises now, will my worth change? No longer will I be so dependent on my parents. I'll have more bills to pay, all of the housecleaning and cooking will be up to me. I'll have my own yard to mow, my own driveway and walkway to shovel when the evil snow falls. I'll be able to get my books out of the plastic totes where they reside and put them on shelves... many of them for the first time. I can hook up my stereo, and take my CDs out of the crates they are in and put them on the CD racks that are currently in storage.
I'll still be the same person, but I'll be on my own again..... so will my worth change? You know the answer. It will not. How I view my self worth will most likely change, but the way God views me and the truth of the matter is I am no less or more valuable having my own place or not.
If we had price tags on us defining our self worth in our own eyes and the eyes of others, the numbers would all too often be in the negative amounts.
Jesus died on the cross for the sins of the whole world. He viewed all of mankind as worth what He went through so we can have eternal life if we believe. He doesn't sit up there and put different price tags of what we are worth depending on our actions or our financial status in life. To Him, the drug addict or prostitute is worth as much as Mother Theresa or Billy Graham. God can save any of them, and use anyone as much as He has used the two I named.
A Southern Gospel group I listen to recorded a song several years ago that goes like this:
I must be special, for He paid a special price for me
The One who had it all, gave His all when He died on Calvary
Some may think that I'm not much, but friend they just can't see
That I must be special for He paid a special price for me.
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