When I'm gone, long gone

   I am feeling nostalgic.....probably more so than I have ever felt. This week-end, I visited my home town, New Bethlehem, PA. It is around 120 miles from where I currently live in Ohio. I lived there for approximately half of my life, and had not been there for 17 years.

  My parents and I had driven in to visit some family at a family gathering. Two of my mom's cousins that she and I had gotten to know through Facebook was going and wanted to meet us, so we decided to make the 2 hour or so trip.

 There weren't a lot of people there, and I didn't even know some of them. As we ate and visited, names came up who are no longer with us. Aunts, uncles, cousins, and others who have gone from this earth and are now just a memory.

 With a 2 hour drive ahead of us, we left after about 2 1/2 hours of visiting. As we headed out of the park we had met at, I asked my dad if we could swing by a place we had lived at that was close by - almost within walking distance. So he made a left, drove up the road about 1/2 a mile, and turned onto the street we had lived on. There sat the house that is the first place I can remember living at. It had changed a lot. Instead of the ugly shingle-like exterior, it was now brown siding and had been added onto. As we looked at the house, some memories came to my mind of this house we had lived in from when I was very small to when I was around 10 years of age. After chatting with the son and daughter-in-law of the people we had rented from who lived next door, we went on our way.

  As we headed out of New Bethlehem, we drove on South Broad Street and passed another place we had lived. This house holds a special place in my life. In January of 1981, our house burnt to the ground and we lost everything we owned except for two cars and the clothes on our backs. We lived with my grandma Buzard until August of that year. We finally had gathered enough things to have our own place again, and this house on South Broad Street in New Bethlehem, PA was the place where we started to rebuild our lives again.



                                            South Broad Street residence, 1981-1983 (approx)

  My mom said she wouldn't mind seeing another place we had lived that we were going near -  as we went home a different way that we had come. So we drove a couple of miles out of our way to a sad sight. We already knew the house had been torn down since my parents had vacated it 20 years ago, but as I stood there and looked at just an empty space where the house used to stand, I felt memories sweep through me and a sadness that a place so full of memories was gone. I couldn't even tell where the house had stood for sure.


              Vacant lot where the house stood we lived in for several years before moving to Ohio

                                                          1985 - 1996 (approx)

  After snapping a few pictures to show my sister, I got back in the car and we headed back out the road we had come down. As we reached the end of the road, my dad decided to drive by one more house we had lived in -  the one before the residence we had just left. This place had changed also. It was sided and had a different kind of window. We turned around and headed out, passing by the empty house 4 houses up and across the street that my mom's aunt and uncle had lived in.....many were the times we could see them watching us through binoculars as we were out in the yard of the house we had lived in.

                                              Kellersburg residence, 1983 - 1985 (aprox)

  That all seems so long ago. Those 3 houses and that one vacant lot hold so many memories, and yet it doesn't seem all that long ago. I have changed a lot in those years and in those houses. I am a lot different than I was from that first house that I can remember living in.

 This visit, the talk of those who are gone from us, seeing 4 places where I lived as a kid......it has made me realize how fast life goes by. The Bible says this life is like a vapor. We are here for such a short time, and then we are gone. Our names are put on a stone with our beginning and ending date, with a small dash to represent the time in between those years.

  I've been wondering what will people say about me when I am gone. What will I be remembered as and for?

Will people remember how opinionated I am? Or will they remember my sense of humor and how much I love to tell jokes?

Will people remember the times I tried too hard to get my point across, or will they remember my love of books and reading?

Will I be remembered as a guy who loved his nieces and nephews and tried to be the best uncle I could be?

How many people will truly say they knew me - the real me - when I am gone?

How many people will truly care when I am gone and will miss me?

  Sobering thoughts for this fun-loving guy. As I think on these things, a song comes to mind that I ran across lately that may have started this thinking. It is a country song, but has a great message, and one I want to live up to.


When We're Gone, Long Gone

Trouble, we have known trouble
In our struggle just to get by
Many times the burden's been heavy
Still we carried on side by side

And when we're gone, long gone
The only thing that will have mattered
Is the love that we shared
And the way that we cared
When we're gone, long gone

And when we're walking together in glory
Hand in hand through eternity
It's the love that will be remembered
Not wealth, not poverty

And when we're gone, long gone
The only thing that will have mattered
Is the love that we've shared
And the way that we cared
When we're gone, long gone

And his bishopric let another take

      In my Sunday School class, we are doing most of the year on apologetics, with a break every once in a while on an obscure person of the Bible - a person we don't know much about, but is mentioned usually very briefly in the Bible. This week's lesson was on Matthias and Joseph Barsabbas, the two men they picked between to replace Judas as an apostle in the first chapter of Acts. The Sunday School  teacher was reading aloud the verses he had selected from that chapter, pausing to comment occasionally. I was reading ahead, and my eyes fell on verse 20, which says:

"For it is written in the book of Psalms, Let his habitation be desolate, and let no man dwell therein: and his bishopric let another take."

  Bishopric? What on earth is that?

   My church uses the King James Version of the Bible, which is the version I was raised on. Occasionally, my pastor will brave the rabid KJV only people in the congregation and read from the NKJV for the verses used for his sermon, but for the most part it is KJV.

 And that is the version this weird word appears in.

 I was using my Bible app, so I went to the versions page and picked one of my favorites, the CEV(Contemporary English Version) and pulled the verse up again:



"In the book of Psalms it says,

"Leave his house empty,
and don't let anyone
    live there."

It also says,

"Let someone else
    have his job."



  Job. Ah, that makes a lot more sense. I checked a few other versions and the word was also interpreted "office" in some.

    I am not anti-King James Version, but rarely use it. I can't remember the last time I used it outside of church, preferring to use other versions at home in my personal devotions and for other Bible-related things. I would rather read versions with updated language that don't use words like thou, thine, lovest, and other outdated words.

  When I pray, I don't talk like that, nor do I talk that way to anyone. "How art thou today? Lovest thou the day we are having? Has anyone taken your bishopric at the job you just quit?"

  The KJV translation was done at the order of a very immoral king. Could that have affected the translation any? I don't know, but it is amazing how fired up and self righteous people can get about being KJV only. I say self-righteous, because I think they are being that and a tad bit hypocritical. Yes, hypocritical.

  No one that I know of reads the original King James Bible. What we have as our King James Bible is an updated version of the 1611 translation.... hmm, almost sounds like the NKJV, an updated version of the KJV.......exactly! The same people condemning anyone who dares use a more modern translation than the KJV are themselves using a more modern translation than the original KJV. Yes, hypocrisy thy name is KJV only people.

  And no, I am not putting all KJV people in the same category. I know a lot of people who prefer the KJV, and that is fine. What is not fine, is the ones who condemn other translations and people who use them and spend a lot of time putting down those translations and those who use them. Those are the people I have a problem with...... the ones who pull their righteous robes around them and proudly announce they use only the KJV.


  I actually own a copy of the 1611 KJV Bible.... and wow. I challenge anyone to read it.

   There seems to be an almost idolization of this version of the Bible by many. The idea that this one translation done 400 years ago is the only translation that is infallible and perfect, and we cannot use any other and truly have God's Word....that is arrogant, silly, and wrong. Is every translation since then good? No, but there are several that are. If the KJV is the only Bible that is truly God's Word, one has to wonder about all of the poor souls prior to the KJV....how on earth did they serve God and make to to Heaven without the KJV? Is it possible they missed Heaven because they lived before King James ordered the perfect and flawless translation that is the only true Word of God? (Sarcasm intended)

  But let's be realistic and serious: can we truly say this one translation done so many years ago is the best and only translation that we should use? Who has the authority to make that decision? I know of no man who has the authority or perfect knowledge to make that decision for all of Christendom......and it is arrogant to make the claim that one knows that for sure.


  But yet there are several out there trying to do such a thing.

  Ironically, the newer translations have been translated using way more manuscripts than were available when they did the KJV translation. Interesting....



  So go ahead and read the KJV if you prefer it. That is your prerogative and your right. But it isn't your right to tell other Christians that we must use that translation.



  Meanwhile, I will be reading translations I prefer and getting more out of my Bible reading than if I were only using the KJV. You could even say that other versions have taken the bishopric of the KJV in my Bible reading.....

And for further reading, 7 things you may not know about the King James Version (taken from here):

7 things you may not know about the King James Bible

By Margaret Mowczko

The King James Version of the Bible is a great translation and has helped countless
thousands of people to find and know God, to receive his gift of salvation, and to effectively
serve him and his people. The Bible was beautifully written by some of the best scholars of
the day, and its reputation as fine literature is deserved.

Some Christians today maintain that the KJV is the superior English translation. Some
Christians and churches are so enamored with the KJV that they refuse to use, or give
credit to, any other Bible. The stance of these Christians has been referred to as KingJames-Onlyism
.
The KJV is an excellent English Bible and if you can easily understand it there is no real
reason to change to another English translation. However, one of the biggest shortcomings
for most people is its dated language.

The KJV uses many archaic words: words such as “jangling”, “subtil”, “privily”, and “holpen”,
etc. And it uses archaic expressions that are unfamiliar to modern readers and audiences.
For instance, how many people readily understand “Charity vaunteth not itself” (1 Cor.
13:4c). The earlier editions of the KJV also used spelling that is outdated, such as sunne for
“sun”. Moreover, the edition of the KJV that is still commonly used contains several words
which have changed in meaning over time. Words such as "suffer, “vile”, “conversation”
and “quit” convey a very different meaning to modern readers than was intended by the
translators. (See Matt. 19:14 KJV; Phil. 3:20-21 KJV; 1 Cor. 16:13 KJV, etc.) The fact that the
KJV uses the word “unicorn” nine times in the Old Testament is also problematic, as a
unicorn is regarded as a mythological creature rather than a real animal.

Apart from its dated language, there are a few other shortcomings of the KJV. KJV-only
people seem unaware of these shortcomings. Moreover, many accept incorrect statements
that are frequently made about the KJV. The following paragraphs contain seven pieces of
information that some KJV-only Christians may not be aware of.

(1) The KJV was not the first English translation.

A few King-James-Only Christians believe that the King James Bible was the first English
translation of the Scriptures. This is incorrect. John Wycliffe’s Bible was translated from
Latin into English and hand copied in the 1400s. In 1526, almost 100 years before the KJV
was first published, William Tyndale's English translation of the Greek New Testament was
published. “After Tyndale's, a number of other versions were produced. Among them were
the Coverdale Bible, the Matthews Bible, the Great Bible, the Geneva Bible, and the Bishops'
Bible.”[1] In fact much of the KJV borrows heavily from earlier English translations,
especially the Bishop’s Bible.

(2) The KJV has been revised several times.

Some King-James-Only Christians believe that the King James Bible perfectly preserved the
Scriptures for all time. If this is the case there would have been no need for further edits.
The current edition of the KJV is different from the original 1611 translation and several
other early editions. “The KJV Bible we use today is actually based primarily on the major
revision completed in 1769 - 158 years after the first edition.”

(3) All early editions of the KJV contained the apocryphal books.

The 1611 version, and all other editions of the KJV that were published for the next fifty
years, contained the Apocrypha. Protestant Christians do not regard the apocryphal books
as uniquely inspired and authoritative. The 1666 edition was the first edition of the KJV that
did not include these extra books that are not included in the canon of Holy Scripture.

(4) King James authorized the new Bible translation for political reasons.

King James believed that a single ‘Authorized Version’ was a political and social necessity.
He hoped this book would hold together the warring factions of the Church of England and
the Puritans which threatened to tear apart both church and country.[3] Most of the
translators, however, were clergymen belonging to the Church of England, but at least some
had Puritan sympathies.

King James issued over a dozen rules that the translators had to follow. King James disliked
the Geneva Bible, the Bible used by the Puritans, because he believed that some of the
commentary in the margin notes did not show enough respect for kings.[4] James' new
translation was to have no commentary in the margins.

King James favored the hierarchical structure of the Church of England and wanted the
new translation to keep words that supported a bishop led hierarchy. In keeping with
James' preferred views on church government he specified, "The old ecclesiastical words
[are] to be kept; as the word church [is] not to be translated congregation." (I personally
believe that congregation is a better translation in some instances.) King James also ruled
that only his new Bible could be read in England's churches. The translation rules of King
James can be found here. The political motives of King James had a direct influence on the
translation of the KJV.

(5) The translators of the KJV 1611 were untrained in Koine Greek.

Koine (common) Greek is the original language of the New Testament. Koine Greek had
been a dead language for over a thousand years when the KJV was published for the first
time in 1611. The translators of the KJV didn't even know what Koine Greek was. Some
people believed that the Greek language of the NT was a unique Spirit-inspired dialect.[5] It
was not until the late 1800s and during the 1900s, when tens of thousands of papyri
documents were discovered - many written in Koine, that we could begin to understand the
language more fully.[6] Unlike the translators of the KJV, modern translators of the New
Testament are scholars of Koine Greek.

(6) The KJV translation of the NT is based on relatively recent Greek manuscripts.

As well as relying on previous English translations, the 1611 edition of the KJV relied on a
critically edited Greek text that was “for the most part based on about half a dozen very late
manuscripts (none earlier than the 12th century AD)."[7] These late manuscripts include
editions of the Greek New Testament by Erasmus[8], as well as Robert Estienne's (a.k.a.
‘Stephanus’) edition (1550), and Theodore Beza's edition (1598). Unfortunately, one of the
manuscripts Estienne and Beza used for their Greek editions contained a few "corrections"
that downplayed the importance of women in the church.[9]

(7) The early editions of the KJV are not based on the Received Text.

Most KJV advocates claim that the KJV was translated from a Greek text known as the
Textus Receptus (TR) and that the TR is especially accurate and inspired. However the TR
did not exist in 1611 when the first King James Bible was published. The first TR was written
in the 1633. “The TR used today is normally the one created by Scrivener in 1894, which
took as its basis the English translation of the KJV, giving the reader the Greek textual
choices made by the KJV translators.”[10] Conversely, most modern translations of the New
Testament are based on critical texts which take into account much more ancient, and much
less handled, Greek manuscripts. A few of these Greek manuscripts date from as early as
the third century.

Other Criticisms and Considerations

One of the criticisms leveled at some newer English translations is that the New Testament
was translated from the Westcott and Hort Greek New Testament. However, the 2011
edition of the New International Version (NIV) is based on the 27th edition of the NestleAland/United

Bible Societies' Greek New Testament which is a critical text that takes into
consideration all known Greek manuscripts, and lectionary quotes, of the New
Testament.[11] Any criticism of the Westcott and Hort text, or the men themselves - and
much of the criticism has been misleading and outright slander - has no relevance
whatsoever to the latest edition of the NIV and other modern translations.

Another criticism of newer translations is that some words and phrases, and even a few
passages, that are included in the KJV are absent in newer translations. These are not
omissions. Rather, these words and phrases are additions in the KJV. These additions are
absent in the more ancient Greek manuscripts. Most modern translations still acknowledge
the traditional additions in some way (e.g. margin notes, footnotes, or in a different font,
etc.)

The King James Version is a good translation, but I believe the NIV (2011) to be better. I
mostly read the New Testament in Greek, but the English translations I use, roughly in order
of preference, are: the NIV (2011), the New American Standard Bible (NASB), the New
Revised Standard Version (NRSV), and the King James Version (KJV). Most of the other,
better known English translations are fine too.

It is most important that we read a Bible that we can understand. The New Testament was
originally written in common, everyday Greek - a language that almost everyone in the
Roman Empire (the world of the New Testament) could easily understand. We need
modern English translations of the Bible for modern audiences.

The 14th person

  The occasions my entire family gets together are rare. My youngest sister and her family travel. He preaches, they all sing, and they also do vacation Bible schools.... so they are often gone a week or more at a time. My oldest two nieces now have jobs, and the other adults all work. Yesterday was one of those rare times when we were all together. No one had to work or travel. It was my parents, myself, my sister Vicki and her husband and three girls, and my sister Pam and her husband and three boys...all 13 of us....plus one.

  Back in December, my family took an evening and went Christmas caroling to some people. One of those people was a lady who is probably in her late 60's or early 70's named Judy. My sisters and nieces work with this very nice lady who was widowed two years ago. She had no children of her own, and her late husband's children don't come around much, so she is usually alone. She had to work until 2 pm on July 4, and my sister felt like she should ask her to join us at my sister's house. We were gathering at 4:00, so there was plenty of time. Judy arrived a little before food, bringing a large bowl of fruit and several apologies for intruding on our day. We assured her she was not intruding, and welcomed her into our celebration.

 As the kids set off firecrackers and other loud and smoky fireworks, we adults watched my brother-in-law grill food on two grills, and chatted with Judy. When we ate, I urged her into line as she was hanging back, and more than one of us asked her if she wanted anything else and urged her to help herself.

    After we ate, the music began. As my nephews and youngest niece hit the swimming pool, some of us hit the instruments. My brother-in-law Paul was at the electric piano, I was playing the regular piano, and my oldest two nieces were on the flute and violin. Judy commented several times how talented our family was and how wonderful the music was, occasionally asking us if we could play a certain song. My mom and sisters saw her wiping tears away a few times as she enjoyed our music.

  She left to go home around 7, thanking us all again for including her. We thanked her for coming and assured her she was welcome and not an intrusion. I later told my sister it was a good call inviting her. We all knew she would have spent the afternoon and evening alone with no cookout and no company.

  But how many Judys are in our lives? How many people cross our paths who are alone, who spend not just most or all holidays alone; but most every other day of the year alone? And what are we willing to do about it? My family included a lady most of us don't know well in our July 4th celebration. It didn't put us out at all. She was easy to talk to and we had plenty of food..... but how much are we willing to inconvenience ourselves and make room in our busy lives to be there for someone.

  We are surrounded by hurting and lonely people. What if we Christians reached out more to such people, and if there is no one in our lives we can think of who might fit that.... pray that God would send someone into our lives for us to befriend and be there for in some capacity. Only God knows how many people are out there waiting for someone to show them they care.

The music of my walk

    I love good music. Instrumentation is important to me, and maybe being a passable pianist plays into that. Saxophone, steel and other guitars, piano, drums, fiddle.....pretty much everything but accordions.

  But even more than the orchestration/instrumentation, I like the words. If you know me very well, you know I am not a fan of acapella singing. The more and varied the instruments, the better. I pay attention to the words when listening to my CDs. A lot of artists are getting away from printing the lyrics inside the CD artwork, but that is something I always liked. I enjoy reading the words as I hear new songs on a CD.  I never listened to much secular music, nor had much desire for it, so the majority of what I listen to actually has lyrics worth heading that can encourage and help me.

  Sometimes my mind won't slow down enough to pay attention to the words, and the music becomes background noise. Today, or I guess I should say yesterday since it is after midnight.... I got my iPod and drove a few miles to visit the covered bridge near me, and then walk on the section of biking/walking trail that crosses near the bridge.

 As I walked, I tried to not only enjoy the scenery around me of the woods the trail goes through, but I focused more on the music and did my best to shut out the worries and complications of life. It mostly worked. There was a song or two that slipped by almost unheard, but I did pay attention to and focused on most of the songs that played from the playlist I had selected.

Through It All

  It started out with an old favorite, Through It All......and I needed the reminder that God has indeed been with me through it all, and will continue to be so

I've had many tears and sorrows,
I've had questions for tomorrow,
There've been times I didn't know right from wrong:
But in every situation God gave blessed consolation
That my trials come to only make me strong.

Through it all, through it all,
I've learned to trust in Jesus,
I've learned to trust in God;
Through it all, through it all,
I've learned to depend upon His Word.


I Am Loved

  Then I was reminded again that God does indeed love me, and that my scars and failures don't bother Him.

I said if You knew You wouldn't want me
My scars are hidden by the face I wear
He said my child My scars go deeper
and It was love for you that put them there

I am loved, I am loved
I can risk loving you
For the One who knows me best
Loves me most
I am loved you are loved
Won't you please take my hand
We are free to love each other
We are loved

No Limit

  Maybe God knew I needed the reminder that He loves me, for up came another song about His love, this one pointing out that there are no limits to His love.

It really doesn’t matter, how unworthy  you have been 
His forgiveness is forever, and can reach the deepest sin 
If you’ll just come believing in God’s redeeming love 
You’ll find there is no limit to His Love 

His Grace is never ending, His mercy never fails 
Through all the storms you’ll ever face, His Power will prevail 
His peace is overflowing, with hope for all who come 

And find there is no limit to His love 




Mended Wings

  The message of this song says if you have fallen, you can again fly with mended wings.

You have fallen short of the glory
So far you don't know what to do
My life was the very same story
And I have this message for you

You can fly with mended wings
Overcoming everything
If you'll surrender to the Mender
You can fly with mended wings

Nothing You Can Do

  Maybe this playlist playing on shuffle is truly random, or maybe God knew I need to be reminded over and over of His love, but this song came up....... a favorite that says there is nothing we can do to make Him stop loving us.

You say you  tried
You say you failed
Searching for Heaven, while living in hell
Sometimes you feel there's no way out
About given up, cashed it all in
Too far gone to start over again
But He's not gonna' give up on you now

Whoever you are, whatever you've done
There's no place to hide
Nowhere to run
You can go further than you meant to
But there's nothin' you can do
To make Him stop loving you

He Paid A Special Price

 This song has long been a favorite. With the sound and feel of a kid's song, the song points out that I must be special because He paid a special price for me. Awesome!

C1- 
Yes I must be special, For he paid a special price for me 
The one who had it all gave it all, When he died on calvery 
Some may think that I'm not much, But friend they just can't see 
That  I must be special, For he paid a special price for me. 

V1- 

I may be as small as a little grain of sand, 
And like a piece of puzzle, I fit into God's plan. 
And when the picture's finished, It's all plain to see. 
Oh I must be special, For he paid a special price for me. 

C2- 
Yes I must be special, For he paid a special price for me. 
The one who had it all gave it all, When he died on calvery. 
Some may think that I'm not much, But friend they just can't see. 
That  I must be special, For he paid a special price for me. 

V2- 

Since my Saviour found me, And took my sins away. 
And placed me in the family of God, Oh what a happy day. 
Forever I will praise him, For the Blood that set me free. 
Yes I must have been special, For he paid a special price for me. 

C3- 

Yes I must be special, For he paid a special price for me. 
The one who had it all gave it all, When he died on calvery. 
Some may think that I'm not much, But friend they just can't see. 
That  I must be special, For he paid a special price for me. 

And one more:

Cancelled/Worthy

  The Bill Gaither Trio recorded this song way back in 1987, but the words have just started standing out to me and have caused tears and emotion in me when I hear it and truly think about it:

Prison had long been my home,
And the chains that I wore had grown so normal.
I was resigned to my lot
And I almost forgot,
There was freedom somewhere.

Or that someone could care
If I lived or I died,
Or could hear how I cried!


All my debts- Cancelled
Satan’s threats- Cancelled
Sin’s effects- Cancelled
For the ransom was paid.
Now I stand- Worthy
Through the lamb- Worthy
As I am- Worthy
I am free praise His name.


Prison was nothing to Him,
And the bars could not keep Him from loving.
Right through the darkness and pain
He had broken the chains,
That had held me so long

And He traded a song
For the tears and the sighs,
Broken dreams and goodbyes!!


All my debts- Cancelled
Satan’s threats- Cancelled
Sin’s effects- Cancelled
For the ransom was paid.
Now I stand- Worthy
Through the lamb- Worthy
As I am- Worthy
I am free praise His holy name.
Praise His name!
Praise His name!

My bed is smiling at me

   Confession: I love superheroes and superhero movies. Batman, Spiderman, X-Men, Captain America, Superman, the Avengers...... There is something about a good guy with special powers or abilities overcoming and fighting evil and coming out on top.

  I was at Walmart last month and saw a cool pillow I wanted. It was one of those long ones that are intended to rest a leg on or something like that. This was no plain ordinary pillow. This pillow had Captain America, the coolest of superheroes, in my humble opinion. I picked it up and looked at the price, $9.98. That wasn't a bad price I told myself. I also told myself that I am 47 years old and should not be buying a Captain America pillow. Plus, what would I do with it? I listened to the voice of reason that occasionally comes through, and regretfully put the pillow back.

   A week later, I was in the same Walmart and ran across some Captain America figures..... and again the voice of reason pointed out the ridiculousness of a guy my age buying one. And then I found them - Captain America t-shirts for $7.88. I found my size and had the same internal conversation - well, other than where would I put it - that was easy, I'd wear it. But if they weren't meant for adults, then why did they have it in my size? The shirt went into my cart.

  A week later, I was again in Walmart - I shop there a lot, don't judge me. My nieces were with me and we came upon a large bin of pillow emojis about 12 inches in diameter. I thought they were cool, but really what guy my age needs a stuffed pillow that is smiling..... or crying, or some other emotion. I walked away.

    Then I was in Walmart on my way to work one morning - a different Walmart this time.  I ran across the bin of emotional pillows again. Maybe my voice of reason wasn't awake yet since it was so early. Maybe I just didn't care, but I found one of these emoji pillows and put in in my cart. While checking out, that voice of reason evidently woke up and started telling me that I shouldn't buy the pillow. I told it to shut up, and bought the pillow. When my mother saw it, she asked who it was for and seemed a bit surprised when I said "Me!" With a determination that I was keeping it, I ripped off the tag, and arranged it on my bed with the unemotional pillows already there. When I am reading in my lazy-boy, I look over and it looks like my bed is smiling at me. I smile back, and continue reading. (No, I don't really smile back. I am not that weird.) (OK, maybe I smile sometimes, but technically not "back at the pillow")

   Who sets these standards for what adults can and can't do anyway? Sure, there may be some things if adults did that would be found disturbing... like playing in the sandbox (just go to the beach, it is considered normal there)  but sometimes we make life too serious for we adults. A popular meme says "don't grow up.It's a trap!" That is amusing, but it has a good point. Being a kid was a lot easier, setting aside the bullying I got for a lot of that time. There were no bills, not many responsibilities, mom and dad took care of us,  and we didn't have to worry about much.

   And then we became adults. The bills came, the responsibilities multiplied and got bigger, the worries came. Many of us forgot how to have fun, or we feel  that we have no time and too many responsibilities to have fun.

  Matthew 18:2-4 says:

2 Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, 3 and said, "Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.



   I find myself wishing often that I had what kids have. They are energetic, most of them don't have a care in the world, they are adventurous, they have fun, they have an innocence that disappears by the time they are adults.  Kids don't feel the need to wear masks or pretend they are someone they aren't. They often have more faith and belief in people and God than we adults manage to have. They haven't learned yet to be cynical. They haven't learned yet how tough life can be and how it can chew you up and spit you out. (There are exceptions to these, some kids have terrible lives and experience things no child should).

  Jesus said unless we become like children, we won't enter the kingdom of Heaven. That is a bit ominous, and I find myself wondering what all that means. Taking into account what the Bible says and the things I have come up with about kids, this could be some of what Jesus meant:

Humility

Trust

Faith

Authenticity

Innocence

Love for life

Joy

   And I am sure there are more. When Jesus sat that child on his lap - well it doesn't say He did that, but I like to think that He did - looked into his eyes and the eyes of the other children; He saw something in those children that He wants for all of us. He wants that badly enough to say we must become like children to go to Heaven.

    Maybe a good start would be to set aside our preconceived notions of what we are too old or mature to do. Do something spontaneous and fun. Be adventurous. Buy that adult coloring book and color.... or a non-adult one. By that teddy bear, eat that candy, dance in the rain, watch that Veggie Tales DVD, sing that kids' song....No, we can't avoid responsibilities - at least not too often - but let's be more like kids in every day life and not be so serious. Have more faith, stop wearing that mask, try to see the good in everyone.

   In closing, two anecdotes:

  Last night my youngest niece, Caitie (age 16), was at our house. My mom told us she had bought 7 Chinese lanterns for $10 for us to send off - a tradition we have started on July 4. Mom wondered what to do with the extra one, as there are 6 kids in our family. Caitie piped up with "give it to Uncle Mark. He is the one most like a kid in the family". (She does have a point.)


  And then a story that I am guessing is not true, but applies here:

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror.  Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

"I'd like to be eight again", she replied, still looking in the mirror .

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's.  What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

"I meant my dress size, you idiot!"

Single and satisfied

  "One, and could I please sit outside on the patio?"

   I was at one of my favorite restaurants, O'Charley's. They have an outdoor patio that I have wanted to sit at and eat for a long time, always wanting to have a friend with me to do so; but last summer passed without that happening. This day in May of this year was the day I decided I was going to do it....alone. So I sat outside on the patio and had an enjoyable lunch with me, myself, and I. Unbelievably my salad went far enough to feed all three.....

  There is a common idea that I myself bought into for far too long. Sadly it even exists in the church, and that is true fulfillment is found in marriage, and you aren't a complete person if you're single. It is never said in those words, but that message comes through in many ways. If you're single - especially out of the younger group of singles - you can feel out of place even in the church and feel a pressure to marry so you matter more and fit in. That is just the way it is.

  I was at a Christian bookstore shopping a few years ago, and I overheard two young woman talking about the singles books they were looking at. I am guessing one was married and the other was not. The obviously single one asked her friend, "You know what bugs me about every singles book I have ever read?" I spoke up, "I know the answer: they all assume you are unhappy being single and are wanting and looking to marry." That was what she was going to say, but that is the general thinking today - everyone should marry and are incomplete until they do. (They say men are incomplete until they are married......... and then they are finished.......).

    I spent far too many years of my life wishing I could marry, and thinking I could never be happy unless I achieved that. But yet the Bible indicates it can be better to remain single. Others have referred to singleness as a gift, which brought about a book a few years ago with the amusing title of "If Singleness Is a Gift, What's the Return Policy?" As cute and amusing as that is, that is how I felt for years and how many other singles feel.

    As I have stopped believing this idea that marriage would complete me, make me happy, and do away with loneliness; I have become more comfortable and happy as a single. Oh that doesn't mean I never wish I had someone special to love and love me and do things together - that may never completely go away, but God wired us that way. Overall though, it isn't that big of a deal anymore and isn't something I constantly wish for and feel cheated because I can't have it.

  Back in February, I took a bold move. There is a motel/hotel (what is the difference anyway??) - and this one actually calls itself an inn - that is in Sugarcreek, Ohio that has special packages. At certain times of the year, you can get a room for 2 people that includes free items from between 15 and 20 different places in this Amish section of Ohio. It is almost like a scavenger hunt - in fact, my coworkers called it my Amish Scavenger Hunt. One location gave you a battery powered candle. A fudge/candy shop gave you gourmet popcorn. You had your choice of 3 different restaurants for breakfast and also for supper. A bakery gave you a loaf of bread, a cheese place gave you a free pound of Swiss cheese. An orchard gave a half gallon of apple cider, and so on.

   My parents and one of my sisters and her husband had done this a couple of times, and I found myself wishing I could do it. Then one day, I figured why not? I called to make a reservation and asked if one person could do it. Not only could one person do it, but it was cheaper for one person (take that, married people!) I made the reservation, asked off a day of work so I could make it  a two day trip out of it, and I did it.

    The weather was unseasonably warm for February, and I ran around in short sleeves during my 2 day trip. I parked my car in Berlin, OH and walked the streets, shopping wherever it looked interesting. Using my GPS, I wandered all over Holmes County getting my free items and enjoying the scenery and shopping. My hotel/motel/inn was very nice and had 2 double beds, one of which became a place to put all of my "stuff". There was a small refrigerator for the cheese and other things I had that needed to be kept cool. I took my laptop and a couple of DVDs and stayed up late enjoying my time away.

   Would it have been more enjoyable with someone along? Maybe. I would have enjoyed having my BFF along, but it was enjoyable by myself also. I stopped where I wanted to stop, shopped where - and as long as I wanted - to shop. I ate where I wanted to eat, and enjoyed driving around with no need to carry on a conversation. Would I do again? Yes... I most likely will. Not only did I enjoy it, but it showed me it is possible to be single and do things like that which is usually something couples do.

    I am slowly becoming more comfortable in this single status. I am finding there are indeed disadvantages, but there are also advantages. I am discovering that my identity and happiness does not lie in another person, but in God. I am learning not to be bothered as much by this culture and church world that so emphasizes marriage and couples, and to be happy being me. Maybe it helps that I am starting to like myself better, and have discovered I am not that bad of a person to hang out with.

    Would I marry if these attractions to the same sex attractions went away? I doubt I would at this point. The idea of marriage seems daunting. I can't imagine being with someone all of the time, having to say what you're thinking and never getting a break. I'd rather have kids than a wife..... you could leave them with a babysitter to get some "me" time. I know of no wife-sitting services........Now there's an idea for someone wanting to make money.......

     Maybe it would do all of us good to be single longer, instead of rushing into dating and marriage as soon as we are old enough to do so. Maybe we need to learn to be comfortable and happy in being alone and doing some things by ourselves, instead of feeling the need for constant companionship and love. Could it be possible that if we did that, and focused on being satisfied in Jesus instead of feeling the need for people to make us happy, that we wouldn't be so dissatisfied and prone to divorce when and if we do marry? Is it possible that even in marriage, that people depend too much on their spouse for what they should be seeking from God?

  And could it be that we who feel the need to stay single, or are unable to marry can find true satisfaction in Jesus to the point that we don't feel the need to marry? I am getting there, and am already there some days. And may God use me as a single in ways that He couldn't if I were married.

Sarah Palin, I am sorry

   I never cared much for or about John McCain. I felt he was a poor candidate and the Republican Party could do much better, but he won the nomination and seemed to hold the same views as I do on the important things....so I very unenthusiastically supported him.

   And then he pulled a wild card. He picked as his running mate an outspoken female governor from Alaska. I liked her immediately, and it seemed to put new life into his campaign. The liberals, liberal media, and even some Republicans relentlessly attacked her on every side, even going after her children - something they would never do to a Democrat. I defended her a lot - to people around me, on Facebook, and on news sites.

  So now, I feel I owe Sarah Palin an apology. Sarah, I am deeply sorry for ever supporting and defending you. Maybe everything that was said about you was correct, and you are the failure and moronic woman they have so long painted you as.

  I was disappointed when instead of supporting a true conservative that you helped get elected - Ted Cruz - you threw your support behind the worst candidate to ever run on the GOP ticket. I have been irritated as you have chastised we with principles that feel we cannot vote for this despicable candidate, and infuriated at the things you have said about us.

   But yesterday, you really went too far. You called out the #NeverTrump people, which I am proudly and unashamed to be one of, and laid into us. You called us Republicans Against Trump - or RAT - thinking you were clever for your little acronym. Lady, that was uncalled for. You are the one being a rat. You are the one deserting conservative principles and values to throw your support behind a candidate a true conservative cannot and will not vote for. You are the one deserting the Republican Party.

  I guess it is all about politics with you after all, You don't truly care about what is good and important, but for some insane reason have decided to go with Trump. What did he offer you to get your vote - a position in his admiinsitration that he will never have? A chance to be his next wife if you divorce Todd? What possessed you to do this, or were you this person all along and hid it to get conservatives to like you?

 Well this RAT is done with you. Never again will I defend you and your family who seems bent on immorality - how many grandchildren have you had out of wedlock now anyway? Never again will I support you for any reason. I sincerely apologize for ever thinking you were conservative, decent, and VP worthy. You are none of those things. As someone said: Sarah, go home. You're drunk.

   I still think the liberals and media should have left your children alone, but it looks like you yourself got everything you deserved from them. I am sorry I supported and defended you. It won't happen again,

  Sincerelly, the RAT Mark Buzard