Thoughts of a messed up Christian saved by God's grace

Monday, October 10, 2016

Surrendering sex

 **Disclaimer: This is not going to be an x-rated blog post, but it is going to be about sex...... which some people are uncomfortable about being discussed. I get that. I believe we need to talk more about it than we do.... in church, in Sunday School (adults), in our homes....it should not be a taboo subject. But you have been warned. Read on, if you dare....... and if you are still reading, make sure you read the introduction to this blog post in the previous blog post here.

  There is an interesting couple of verses in the New Testament that I don't think I have ever heard anyone speak on. 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 (ESV):

1 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

  If I am reading these verses correctly, it sounds like Paul is saying a married couple should give up sex for a short period of time so they can devote themselves to prayer. Interesting idea, and it goes with what my friend said in his message to me.

   I have been very open about why I am not married. Being a single Christian guy that is attracted to the wrong gender means a life of celibacy......though some guys manage to make marriage to a woman work. I know a lot about abstaining from sex. It is actually possible, believe it or not.

  We are bombarded with sex. Ads, TV shows, music... it is everywhere. Porn is at our fingertips. The question used to be if you should kiss on the first date, but now kids bypass holding hands and that first kiss and go straight to sex.

  And Christians are as obsessed with sex as non-Christians. Many of them may wait til marriage for sex, but then it becomes all too important to them.

   I'm not a married guy, but from what other guys have told me, including my friend who suggested this post, most married men don't have sex as often as they want. The wife isn't always in the mood, health issues, women's issues, kids, life in general, and other things come in and hinder this part of marriage.

  Many men turn to porn and/or getting off sexually via "solo sex". But sex is not necessary to live. I know, big news there. We need food, water, and air to survive. We don't need sex. Just as everything else in our life needs to be surrendered to God and be done in moderation, sex should also. No relationship, even marriage, should be based on sex. 

 Back to the one phrase in verse 5: "Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer." What exactly is Paul saying here? I have an idea......

  The Bible recommends fasting from food. There are different fasts, and depending on one's health, the length and type of fast should be considered. There are three reasons I know of to fast, though others may come up with others:

1) To deprive oneself of food helps you focus more on God and prayer.

2) It helps show God you are serious about what you are praying to Him about

3) It is good discipline to temporarily deprive oneself of food.

  And people also fast other things. What if fasting from sex is what the idea is here in these verses. The same could hold true - to focus more on God instead of fleshly needs and desires, to show God you're serious, and for discipline.... Obviously, a married person has to consider their spouse when doing this, but it does seem to be biblical.... and from the little I know of women and marriage, I would imagine a lot of women would be happy to cuddle and be held once in a while with no pressure or expectations of sex.

 The thing is, everyone is going to come to a point in their life when sex isn't going to happen. For some couples, a health issue interferes and they can no longer be sexual together. For many, old age comes along and makes sex difficult or impossible. Some are widowed and spend the rest of their lives alone.

 At some point in a married person's life, they are going to have to stop having sex for some reason or another. They are going to have to surrender this part of their life to God at some point, and it would be better to do so earlier in life.

   I get it. Sex is part of love and marriage, but it can also be selfish, especially for men, and just a way to get off sexually. Pornography is more of a male problem than a woman problem.... and this is largely in part to men being to obsessed and even addicted to sex....... to getting off, feeling good, even if it is at the expense of their wives who may not want to have sex that night..... or week.

  As a guy who is attracted to the wrong gender, I have had to surrender my sexuality to God.... but this should not be exclusive to guys in the same boat as me. All guys - and women - need to surrender their sexuality, their desire for it, their perceived "need" for it to God.

 We should not be ruled by our appetites, whether it be food, sex, or any other appetites. Yes, God created sex for married couples, but even a married person can become a sex addict. Not all sex addicts are single people. Since I am single, I have no idea how often the average married couple "does it", but from what I hear, it isn't nearly as often as men want it and think they need it.

  Again, I am not married.... but I think this sex thing should come in under the command for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Married guys: if you love your wife as Christ loved the church, you are going to put her needs above yours.....even the "need" for sex. If a man's sexual desires and "needs" make his wife feel like just a tool to get him sexual release instead of the act being a mutually satisfying act of love for both of them, then he has definitely not surrendered this area of life to God.

  Yeah, yeah.... what do I know. I am a single guy. Well newsflash: just because I am not married and just because I am not attracted to the fairer sex, does not make me void of sexual desires.

  In closing, I am in no way saying married couples shouldn't have sex. I am saying that sex is just one of many areas of our lives that we need to surrender to God and not let it rule and control us. And I am also not saying this is a man's problem.... I am just coming from the perspective of a man.

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