If you are attracted to the same sex and wanting to be a Christian, it is a rough road. It is lonely, and not many people understand or seem to care. One needs encouragement from others in the same boat, and YOB seemed to be a good place for that.
However, there have been posts that concerned me, and the amount of posts that concern me has increased. I am going to address those concerns, but first explain why I am doing this blog post:
A couple of weeks ago, I was bothered a lot by a post and commented on the Facebook page of one of the guys, the one who seems to be in charge of the site and the guy in charge. He has since blocked me.
Earlier this week, I was again bothered by a post and shared some concerns about it and other posts on their site. They deleted it.
Before they deleted it, it was seen by some people. Two of those guys contacted me, one of whom I know. They both echoed my concerns, and they both said they had commented with their concerns and had their comments deleted. It would seem these young men cannot handle anyone disagreeing with them or pointing out concerns. I am going to chalk it up to their being so young - most of them seem to be in their 20's and 30's. Sure, there is no excuse for their refusal to consider concerns and their deleting comments addressing them....but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt for their youth.
I am going to address the 2 most recent posts that concerned me, and go from there:
1) Queer Eye
A newer addition to their team did a blog post talking about a show he watches on Netflix called Queer Eye. I am not entirely sure of what it is all about, but it is definitely a gay show that approves of and glorifies being gay. I think I can safely say if you are trying to live for God and have either left the gay life or are trying not to enter it, watching a gay themed show like that is not going to help you avoid temptation, nor is it going to help your relationship with God.
And worse, there is the danger of weaker guys reading that post, thinking it is OK to watch shows like that, and falling into sin because a Christian guy with the same struggle as they are discussed how great the show is. (Post here.)
Ask yourself this question: If you are a guy struggling with same-sex attractions, and are either trying not to go back to the gay life as you serve Christ, or are trying to never go into the gay life at all as you serve Christ......is it going to help or hinder you to watch a gay themed show that affirms everything gay?
A friend of mine watched a 20 minute clip on YouTube, and said it was full of sexual innuendos and jokes about the male penis.
Maybe...just maybe these guys can watch the show and not be hindered in any way - though I find that highly doubtful - but the chances of everyone reading their excited approval and defense of the show not being hindered is next to impossible. There is no reason or call for guys running a site to encourage and help others with SSA to post about how great a gay themed show is, and then defend it to anyone who brings up concerns..... and many are bringing up concerns.
I have a Christian friend at work who is a security guard. I was chatting with her yesterday and asked her to answer a question for me. She knows I deal with SSA, and I wanted the opinion of a Christian who does not. I asked her: "Should a Christian guy who is leaving the gay life behind and trying to avoid going back to it, be watching a gay themed TV show?" She was a bit shocked, and said "absolutely not." She gave reasons, such as it would possibly pull them down. I then explained why I asked, and she recommended I stay away from that site.
2) Gay pride
Gay pride was the topic of a post last week. The main leader, who blocked me, asked all of the other guys their opinions of gay pride. To my disgust, but not surprise, a couple of them seemed to approve of it and gay pride parades. I firmly believe no Christian should approve of gay pride, but again it is even worse for guys with their platform to voice approval and support of it. (The post is here if you want to read it.)
There is one guy who often posts a warning with what he says in case someone is triggered. He has often discussed his sexual past, not in graphic detail, but enough detail. I feel he both glorifies his sexual past, and makes it sound like he misses it....the latter being true of some of the other guys. They sound like they wish they were back in their "gay days".....something a friend of mine also mentioned.
Some years ago, I read about a gay man who was into cross dressing and really lived the gay life to the extreme. He became a Christian and left the gay life behind. One thing he did came to mind as I consider these guys watching a gay themed TV show and defending doing so: This man had a red convertible. He rode it in gay pride parades, and it was such a part of his gay life that he felt he needed to get rid of it.....so he did. I doubt you would have found a guy like that watching gay themed TV shows.
There were a couple of posts where one guy explained why he wants to be LGBT(Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender). Those posts: here, and here.
There have been several posts where they talked about past friendships that they almost, or did sexualize in their minds, and spend a lot of time moaning about lost friendships, which sound like they happened because they smothered the friends.
Overshadowing my other concerns, is the effect some of these posts could have on their readers. I mentioned it already, but it deserves repeating and emphasis. Here you have a group of mostly young guys with same-sex attractions who came up with this website to I assume help and encourage other guys with the same struggle. You would think when others voice concerns about their content, that they would prayerfully consider those concerns, knowing they could lead guys astray with their posts. But for some reason, they refuse to consider such a thing, and shut down any discussion or comments that bring that up.
I did not write this blog post to be mean or vindictive. Had these guys given consideration to what I and others have said, I doubt I'd be doing it. And one has to wonder how many others have expressed concerns and have been shut down. What are the odds that there were just 2 others that saw my comments before they were deleted, and contacted me? I'd say the odds are slim and it is more than likely that others have also commented with concerns and have been dismissed and shut down.
I don't mean to be rude, but it truly does not speak well for these guys to not only post things that are questionable, but to delete comments with concerns is not just rude and irresponsible, it is not Christ-like.
I have linked to their site on my blog, and I am removing that and don't plan on following their site anymore, and am cautioning anyone else who does that they may want to stop visiting the site.
One of the guys who contacted me made a sad but interesting statement, in light of the seeming missing of the gay life by some of these guys: He wondered where these guys will be in 10 years. If they keep reliving their gay past, watching gay shows, it is possible they will be back where they came from. I hope not, but as my friend also said, they are playing with fire. And it almost seems like they are looking back and longing for the good old gay days by the tone and content of some of their posts.
I used the contact email for the site, giving some of my concerns and telling them I was doing a blog post with my concerns since they had deleted them. I received a reply from the oldest and most conservative guy on the site apologizing that my concerns were discarded. He specifically addressed the gay pride post and didn't feel anyone was approving of gay pride....I feel the idea is given that a couple of them do. It was a nice email, and I replied with a long one outlining my concerns and those of a friend. He replied back and said he would try to get the other guys to consider more what they are posting.
Yesterday, the main guy sent the following email:
Hey there, Mark.
Thanks for your email. I much prefer this medium for constructive dialogue.
That being said, threats don't inspire me to engage. I always tell people if they don't like how we operate our site ... start their own. I'd personally love to see more voices and communities form in this arena of faith and sexuality.
The "threat" was my telling them I was doing this blog post since they ignored and deleted concerns of mine and others. He also did an audio post addressing comments that disagreed with some of their posts, and called it nitpicking. I disagree, I believe we have legitimate concerns about a website geared to help guys with same-sex attractions, but may do the opposite.
Also, I went to the post about the TV show, and there are others not just expressing concerns about that TV show, but about the direction of the website. These guys need to figure out if they are going to actually post things to help and encourage others, or if they are going to post things approving of gay themed shows and other gay things, and give the idea that though they are Christians, they miss the gay life.
And if you are one who follows their site, I would give a word of caution. Some of these guys are living too close to the edge. Instead of getting as far from their sin and temptation as they can, they are playing around the edges and are liable to fall back into it. I just hope they don't take anyone with them.
Another update, July 16 2018:
One of the young guys on the site penned this arrogant and uncharitable post condemning anyone who expressed concerns about their content. I am starting to think it best if the site gets shut down. Not only are they posting things that could bring weaker guys down, they don't care, and they attack those with concerns instead of prayerfully considering those concerns.
Post here: https://www.yourotherbrothers.com/2018/07/10/challenge-yob-readers/