Purpose




Thoughts of a messed up Christian saved by God's grace





Tuesday, December 21, 2021

A Christmas to remember





   Christmas 2021, my 53rd Christmas. No, I am not 53......my first Christmas I was 7 months old. I obviously don't remember that Christmas so long ago, but there are some that stick out to me.

Christmas 1981

  Christmas 1981, the most memorable Christmas of my 52 years. In January of that year, our house had burnt to the ground leaving us with only the clothes we were wearing on our backs, 2 cars, and anything we had in the barn and garage. We lived with my paternal grandmother from January 21 of that year til August, when we finally had enough to start out again, something my parents never thought they would have to do a second time.

  That Christmas of 81 was our first Christmas in our new home. My parents always gave my sisters and I a nice Christmas, and spent far more on us than they should have. But that Christmas, it seemed they went all out. Ever since January, we had been given tons of clothing and toys, most of it used. But now we had a ton of brand new gifts in our new home. I think that was the year we all got new bicycles. I can't remember anything else we got, but that Christmas stands out among the many I have celebrated so far.


Christmas 1995

  Christmas 1995. Confession: One of my deepest longings was to be a dad, and it is one of my greatest regrets I was never able to have kid so of my own. However, one of the greatest joys of my life is being an uncle to 6 of the greatest kids I know. They will never know how much I love them, and how much better my life has been because they are in it, and are such a big part of my life. 

  When my sister Vicki announced she was pregnant in 1995, I was over the moon excited about becoming an uncle. I had always wanted a brother, and never got one, so now I set my hopes on having a nephew. I even announced if it was a girl, I was not going to have anything to do with her. Stephanie Marie Giles, now Sanders as of June of this year, was born October 25, 1995.....and everything I said about not wanting a niece went out the window. That Christmas was more special than previous ones because we had a new little baby in the family, and I went all out buying gifts for this adorable little person who had grabbed my heart from day 1. Two more girls followed, and I finally got my nephews after my other sister got married, but by that time I loved all of them equally.


  This may be a morbid thought, but for the last several Christmases, I have looked around and had the thought that this might be the last Christmas all of us are there. That day will come at some point. No one lives forever. Every year, there are families who have a loved one with them for the last Christmas. Sometimes they know it is happening if the person is gravely ill, but most of the time we have no idea someone we love will not be here for the next Christmas.

  That has happened this year. Covid has taken some people I know, and their families are going to have a giant hole in their Christmas celebrations this year. Christmas for so many is all about family and revolves around Christmas, so Christmas will never be the same again for so many. Loss is felt especially during holidays. That person you loved so much isn't there to buy gifts for anymore, nor will there be gifts from them to you under the tree.

  We should make every Christmas a Christmas to remember. It doesn't have to be all about the amount of gifts. I love giving. Every year, my mom talks about how we need to cut back and scolds us for spending so much on her and Dad, but I love buying for my family. I don't have a wife and kids to buy for, but I do have my parents, siblings, their husbands, and nieces and nephews to buy for. I had the thought that I wouldn't want to cut way back, and then lose one of them after the Christmas I cut back on buying. Yeah, another morbid thought.


  Gifts are great. I love to give and receive too....might as well be honest.......but I do enjoy watching family open what I got them. Our family is big into gag gifts, or white elephant gifts as some call  them. I may have started it. Ok, I did start it....and I usually buy the most and get the most. And this year, I got a couple of great ones. :) They are fun, and are usually something really cheap picked up at a used store or after holiday clearance. There are some that make a yearly appearance, as they get re-gifted. It has become a fun part of our family Christmas. We have had a lot of laughs when gag gifts are opened. We take turns opening gifts, so everyone gets to see what everyone got.

   Christmas is a time when families should come together and put aside differences, and just love each other and spend time enjoying each other and having fun.

A boy named Alex

 I read something last week that made me feel sad. In one of the many book groups I am in on Facebook, a lady was looking for book ideas for a young man she knows that he might enjoy and that would cheer him up. He came out as gay to his conservative.....and I assume Christian family on Thanksgiving Day. They kicked him out of the house and family, and told him they never want to see him again. He does have his own apartment, but now he has no family for Christmas because his family couldn't love him enough to love him for being something they don't agree with and they believe is wrong.

  Side note:  I don't care how you feel about anything gay, if a family.....if a Christian....cannot love someone who is gay and treat them like they are still part of the family, if Christians cannot love gay people and treat them as anyone else, then that Christianity is not at all like Jesus. Should the kid have come out? Should he have done it at a holiday? To the latter, their reactions would have been the same no matter when. I can say personally it is no fun to bottle it up inside and keep it secret that you are attracted to the same sex...so whether or not a person is going to "live the gay lifestyle", or just admit they are attracted to the same sex, I can totally understand it and can totally relate.

  But come on......that poor kid is going to have a horrible Christmas. The very people who should love him unconditionally, failed at that. No matter their feelings on him being gay, or how he will live, they should love him and welcome him in their homes and lives as they always did.

  That is a drastic example, but people so easily hold onto things and let it divide each other. It shouldn't be exclusive to Christmas, but what better time to love each other, forgive, drop grudges, and do all you can to make Christmas special, and make it one to remember?

 Me? I will do my part and not speak out about Trump at family gatherings, since I am the only one who despises him and his presidency. :)



  But seriously, Christmas is such a special time of year. Yes, it is too commercialized, and we can get lost in all the hustle and bustle of the holiday. We stress about making sure we buy the right things, that we don't miss anyone, that we buy for everyone who buys for us. Maybe we do need to simplify things and just relax and enjoy family. We need too focus more on the reason for the holiday.

  I'll be bluntly honest, as I tend to do a lot. Maybe too much. Christmas can be tough at times for me. I have no one special of my own, I have no kids...and so much about Christmas is about romance and family. Merry Christmas, Darling indeed. Though I do like that song. :) It can get lonely. I have spent a lot of days off staying home, reading, having Christmas music playing wall to wall, watching Christmas movies. I have found myself wishing more than once that there was someone here to watch those Christmas movies with, to eat supper with...but it is just me. (Then at other times I am glad I can avoid peopling. Work does really get to me).



  Our Christmas this year is going to be a little different. We have always all gone to my parents for Christmas day for gifts, games, eating, and a lot of fun. This year, we have to do the gift opening Christmas Eve, and most of the family will be back Christmas Day for games and eating. A lot of eating, a lot of snacking: my mom's Christmas cookies, her fudge, her Chex mix..... And I plan to beat everyone in every game we play. I can dream....

  It will be one of the best days of my year. The people I love most in the world, games, gifts, and a lot of fun and laughter. We do laugh a lot. Mostly because of my jokes. (Kidding, they all just groan). No matter what we do or where we are, we have a lot of fun together and get along great, thank God.

  So this Christmas, love your family while you still have them. Hold them close, forgive and let go what you need to let go. Make it a special Christmas to remember, so that when you do have a Christmas with an empty spot, you can look back fondly and know that your last Christmas with that person was a special one to remember, and one with no regrets.

  And at some point in your holiday celebrations, pray for a young man named Alex whose family won't be there for him this Christmas, and won't welcome him into their Christmas celebration.

  

Friday, October 22, 2021

What if Trump wasn't the lesser of two evils



*Yes, another blog post about Donald Trump, but it has been a while.
** I often let my frustrations come out in ways they should not, so I am not guiltless.

    I don't believe there has been a more polarizing politician in America than Donald Trump. There are so many reasons the party of Christians and conservatives should never have picked him for the GOP nominee, and I still don't understand why he is so loved by conservatives......and especially by Christians.

  For as long as I can remember, morals have been a big deal with what has been called "the religious right." All these years later, they still hold Bill Clinton's sexual acts against him. Gary Hart, and others have come under fire over the years for their immoral acts.



 Then along comes Donald Trump: serial adulterer who supposedly bragged about his cheating, strip clubs in his casinos, vulgar, on tape bragging about sexually assaulting women (If you honestly don't believe what he bragged about is not sexual assault, I challenge you to try that with some random woman and see what happens....or what you would call it if it happened to you or a women you love.....)

  This same man gave money to Democrats for years and supported them as they fought conservativism and Christianity. He gave to the Clintons, said she would make a great president, and trashed Bill's accusers.....and even said Hillary did a great job handling Benghazi. He also fought the tea party and gave money to Kamala Harris' senatorial campaign.




 How this man won the conservative vote is something I will never understand. And even worse, how he won the Christian vote. And I get voting for him to stop Hillary, even though I couldn't.....but I don't get the over the top support and defense.

 When he was running against his buddy Hillary, a common quote was that he was the lesser of two evils. 

 But was he? Oh, I have been anti-Hillary since the start....while Trump was in bed with the Clintons and saying she would make a great president. I do believe she would have been a worse president politically.

 However, I have come to believe Trump is the worse of two evils in what really matters.

   After Trump won the nomination and had his last minute miraculous conversion to Christianity - come on, you know it would have been scoffed at if he had had a D by his name - suddenly he was loved by Christians, even those who had previously opposed him. \

 I did research, and prayed about it....and felt I could not as a Christian vote for him. You would think this great family of God would understand that....after all Christians have been ridiculed and fought about their beliefs for years....so a Christian should understand feeling a person could not vote for Trump.

 Wrong. Very wrong. Don't go against your conscience...except in politics.
  
  Despite all the Bible says about how to treat people: Love your enemies, be tenderhearted forgiving each other, love your neighbor as yourself.......and many other verses - I had way too many Christians toss that all out as I was verbally attacked for daring to not vote for him and instead vote third party. Honesty, kindness, love.....politics and Trump are more important than those, and everything else the Bible says.

I was told I was for Hillary if I wasn't for Trump. Ironic, when he actually WAS a Hillary supporter.

I was told my vote for a third party candidate was a vote for Hillary.

A long time "friend" said if I wasn't for Trump, I was for Hillary and for killing babies.

I was told if I wasn't on Trump's side, I was not on God's side.

Christians shared a post saying true Christians would vote for Trump.

Christians who dared oppose Trump were called hypocrites, judgmental, Pharisees, etc. (Yet you don't hear those when you oppose Hillary, Obama, and Biden).

  If we are truly living by Jesus' teaching, if we are trying to be like Jesus.....would Christians be saying these things to other Christians? Would defending Trump and trying to win political arguments be more important than how we make people feel?

 WWJD became a worn out phrase, but it does have a point. When it comes to politics, what would Jesus do? Would He say these things? I cannot imagine He would.

  I have friends from my own church who are anti-Trump and are silent about it....because of how other Christians treated them and reacted when they did speak up. Is that really how it should be among followers of Jesus?

 A Facebook friend of mine lived the gay lifestyle for several years, became a Christian and left that life, and is now married to a woman.....author and pastor John Piper's daughter. He of course got a lot of backlash and hate for that from the pro-gay crowd when he became a Christian and started speaking out against his former lifestyle.......but last year he did a couple posts critical of Trump. He said he got far more hateful comments from Christian Trump supporters than he ever got from the pro-gay crowd. He eventually took all of those posts down. That should bother Christian Trump supporters....but I doubt the average Trump supporter will be bothered by that.



  Speaking of things that should bother Christians, I have said it before on here: A friend of mine has 2 atheist friends who were disgusted by the Christian support of Trump, and said they never wanted to hear Christians talk about morals after the 2016 election. Seriously, what is the world thinking as Christians who rant against all things gay and other moral issues then defend Trump's adultery and other moral issues, and attack everyone who dares criticize him? I myself want to hear nothing from Trump supporting Christians about anything gay after these last 5 years. You cannot ignore and/or defend his moral atrocities and them rant about gay things.

  Trump has divided Christians and conservatives, and brings out the worse in too many people.....his supporters, Democrats, and conservatives who oppose him. I admit I have some major anger issues because of so many Christian Trump supporters, and have given back as good as I have gotten. So much for blessed are the peacemakers....you cannot be very political and be a peacemaker. And how much of a Trump supporter can a Christian be and be a peacemaker?

  Then there is the dishonesty. Well, some of what I posted above what people said are not honest. Those people knew I was not for Hillary. I have seen way too many social media posts from Trump supporters that are not true. Shouldn't Christians strive to be 100% honest? Yet there are posts saying he gave up his wealth to be president......he was always a billionaire, so false. A preacher from my denomination posted that the Obamas didn't allow Christmas to be celebrated in the White House, but now Trump does...yet there is no evidence that as bad as Obama was, that he didn't allow Christmas in the White House. And there were other posts and stories that were shared to make Trump look good whether or not they were true.

 And the exaggerations......the most pro-life president, the most Christian.......and on. He did nothing to deserve those accolades. Shouldn't honesty matter more?



  Double standard:
    For 5 years, I was told not to judge Trump, that instead of criticizing him I should pray for him, etc....yet now a man is president that they oppose also, it is OK to judge away, and there are no posts about praying for him instead of criticizing him. It is even OK to mock and make fun of Biden and accuse him of being a pedophile, with no proof. (And yeah, he is a horrible president and does not seem capable to be president). Should Christians act that way? Especially after 5 years of basically saying "Since I support this man, you must also and not say anything bad about him." It seems I am only allowed to criticize presidents that Trump supporters criticize.

  I had this thought: if Trump supporters act this way about Biden and have Biden supporting friends, how on earth would they ever win them to Jesus? 

 I had a man at my church I used to highly respect...until he barraged me with texts trying to get me to vote for Trump. At one point he said if I just admitted I was for Hillary, he would leave me alone.....yet he knew I was not for Hillary. He asked me a question (I cannot remember what it was) and I replied "Are you asking me as a Republican, or as a Christian?" He asked "Can't it be both?"

  And therein lies a lot of the problem: we react too much first as Americans, Constitution loving conservatives, Republicans, Trump supporters....instead of reacting as a Christian first.

 Example: is telling me true Christians will vote for Trump a reaction of a Christian, or as a Republican/Trump supporter? That should not be a Christian response. #1 there is no Biblical basis for it. #2 it is not kind....that person doesn't care how he makes me feel. He just wants to talk or guilt people into voting how he wants them to.




  I have found myself wondering if a lot of Christians have more faith in Trump than Jesus. Over and over we heard that Trump was what would save America, that he was all that stood between us and socialism, on and on, and on. Trump, Trump, Trump. Some Christians posted so much pro Trump stuff, and it was hard to find anything about Jesus among all of  those. I got the idea that their faith and confidence was more in him than Jesus.

 What about this man has such over the top loyalty of so many Christians that they refuse to speak out against his gun control, paying off of a prostitute, giving more money to planned parenthood than Obama did, and many other bad actions and policies?

 So yes, I do believe Trump was the lesser of two evils:

1) He has divided Christians

2) As a result of his wining, he has caused many to be dishonest and unkind

3) He has taken the focus off of Jesus for too many

4) He has helped make or magnify the double standard in Christians and conservatives in the Republican party.

5) Too many Christians care more about defending him and shutting down opposition than how they make those feel they try to shut down.

      Maybe Trump is just a symptom. I am all for patriotism, freedoms, the Constitution, our flag, and our country...and Christians can love all that....but I fear all of that has become too important and we let our politics influence and affect our Christianity instead of the other way around.

 People are more important than politics. Loving people is more important than winning political arguments. Spreading the Gospel and winning people to Christ are more important than spreading our political opinions and wining people to our politician.

 I am rather outspoken, but am still very insecure and vulnerable as I was years ago when being bullied. Now I fight back, but it has still been hard being anti Trump among all the pro-Trump Christians. Too many don't care how they make me feel as they have attacked me trying to get me to vote for him or for daring to speak out against him. There are people who don't think I should criticize him or "judge" him, yet they say what they want about Democrats. Being constantly pushed down and basically being told your opinions should not be voiced because they are not those of your family and friends.....it is not a good feeling. Honestly, as much as I dislike Trump just for him, the majority of my feelings about him is because of what I have dealt with from his supporters and because of their refusal to ever hold him accountable.




  It has all shaken my faith. I go to a very conservative church, and I have people who keep all the rules, yet some of them have said things that are dishonest and/or unkind in their defense of Trump, and in their attempts to get me to vote for him and to shut down my criticisms of him. And I doubt they would even realize the irony of keeping the rules and not loving like Jesus.

 And it has caused me to feel even more isolated. I have felt disconnected from my church for a long time, and struggle to feel I belong anywhere. Being anti Trump has made that worse surrounded by pro-Trump people, especially when family and others expect me to keep my opinions to myself about Trump. I would honestly prefer to stay home. Granted, there are others like me who are afraid to speak out against Trump because of how they get treated, but I still feel alone and isolated. 

 I also have a lot of bottled up anger over the last 5 years. I honestly have held back a lot. If I said everything I think and feel, the secret service or FBI would probably have shown up by now.



 Just how political can we be and live as Jesus commands? Just how pro-Trump can a Christian be and live like Jesus to those who do not support him or vote for him? Jesus was not political, so how political should we be?

 The Bible says nothing about voting or being political, but it does say a lot about how we should act and how we should treat people. 

 Considering what Trump has caused, I believe we would have been better off as Christians and as the church to have lost soundly to Hillary. If Christians can't love, if they more or less toss out what the Bible says when it comes to politics, wouldn't we be better off under socialism and communism?

 And no, I don't want that....but if it affects how we treat people, if winning people to our politician or views is more important than spreading the Gospel and winning people to Christ, then yes......we would be better off living in persecution.



  Patriotism is good. Freedoms are important, but people are more important. A hundred years from now it will not matter if we won a political argument or defended a politician. It will matter how we treated people and if we won people to Christ.

 We are not living for this world. It is past time Christians remembered that and started living like that.

 Maybe Trump is just a symptom, and has made it more obvious. Maybe part of it is social media and people saying on line what they would not off line.......but to use a phrase of some Trump supporters, true Christians should be bothered by how politics and Trump has affected how we treat people who disagree with us.


  In closing, I will say this: I have never been a great Christian. I have struggles of faith, depression, anxiety, sexual identity, and struggle with doubt a lot. I don't believe I was a better than anyone for voting my conscience. And to be honest, I have found myself wondering a lot over the last 5 years if I even want to be a Christian. Shouldn't it be more than this politicized Christianity that has taken over?

  And again, I am not guiltless. But shouldn't I have the same freedom as Trump supporters to criticize politicians I disagree with?

Friday, September 24, 2021

Dogs, Diane, and Good Samaritans on motorcycles

     There was a day I blogged several times a month. Since my depression worsened, I just don't feel like doing it, so this is only my 5th post this year. 




 



    Diane and her dog

    I moved into the duplex I live in two years ago last month. It is a small town, and I live two blocks off the main street of town - well, I live on West Main Street, but I refer to the street where most of the stores are as the main street.

  One thing I love about living where I am, is that I can walk to so many places in town. There was often a woman walking her dog, or actually standing on the next block smoking and holding him on his leash. I would always speak, ignoring the dog. Disclaimer: I really, really dislike dogs....and I really find it nauseating when people refer to themselves as "mommy and daddy" and act like their dog is a human. Disclaimer two: I really, really hate cigarettes.

  I finally found out this lady lives three houses down from me, and this year in my walking past found her name is Diane and she is 70.

   Ass I have walked past, Diane has often been sitting on her porch. I stop and chat. I found out that her son, his wife, and their little girl live in the house beside her towards my place. I found out that Diane is lonely, and pretty much only has the lady beside me, Candy, as her friend.

  And I found out why I never saw her walking the dog anymore. The 14 year old dog was not doing well.

  I hadn't talked to her for a while, and she and her husband were sitting on their porch when I walked to town last week, so I stopped and chatted with them for at least 20 minutes. I asked about the dog, and she said she had to have it put down in July, and that they called on her birthday to tell her she could pick up the ashes. My immediate thought was how weird it is to cremate an animal, but I said some sympathetic words and asked if she thought she would get another dog....she won't. I suggested a cat, and that is definitely not happening.

  I was off today, and decided to walk to town. When I stepped outside, my neighbors beside me were outside, and I chatted with them for 10-15 minutes. The lady, Candy, was saying she had her windows up the other day and whatever I was cooking smelled really good. I guessed it was my beef vegetable soup. After chatting, I headed to town just as Diane came out, sat on her porch swing, and lit up. I stopped to chat with her for a few minutes.

 During the course of our conversation, she said "Candy was telling me she smelled something really good you were cooking the other day." I replied that it was probably my beef vegetable soup." "No, I think it was the day you were making lasagna." I was totally amused that these two ladies were discussing my cooking. 😀😀




The Good Samaritan on the motorcycle

  I have needed new back tires on my car for a while. I got the oil changed right before my Kentucky trip last month at the tire place conveniently two blocks away, and the one guy told me I needed new ones when I picked the car up.

  I was on my way home from work last a couple of weeks ago, and thought something felt weird as I was driving. I was cruising on the four lane when it showed I had 17 pounds of air in my right back tire. I was about 1/4 a mile from an intersection where there was a big pull off graveled place, and decided to try to make it there instead of changing the tire beside the road.

 Disclaimer three: I CAN change a tire, and have before.

 I pulled off, muttering the whole time, and got the "donut" tire and jack out of the trunk. It had obviously never been used - the tire and the jack. I got the hubcap off, loosened the lug nuts, and jacked up the car. Then I tried to get the tire off, and had no luck. Several cars had driven by the road that crossed the 4 lane that I was beside. I saw a young guy on a motorcycle drive by, then swing back and pull in.

 Disclaimer four: I hate motorcycles, believe motorcycle laws are way too lax, think you have to be half nuts to ride one, and totally insane to go helmetless.

  He turned his bike off, and asked if I needed help. I told him I couldn't get the tire off, and he said with steel on steel it can be difficult, and you need to kick it. So, I kicked it. Nada. (I think that means nothing in Spanish). He said he would get under the car and kick it. He laid down, got under the car, and kicked the tire. It came loose, and to my horror the jack also did, and the car fell. I had a brief moment of panic wondering how fast I could get the car jacked up again if he was pinned. Thankfully, he wasn't. 

 He said he was fine, and never got under anything that he wasn't sure there was plenty of room if something like that happened. He got out, and proceeded to change my tire the rest of the way. He asked me at one point if anyone else had stopped to see if I was OK and needed help, and was amazed when I said no. I asked him if I could give him anything for his trouble, and he said no and told me to keep safe. I shook his hand, and he was off on what I consider to be a very unsafe vehicle. Without a helmet, of course. 




  How often do we steer clear of people who are different than us, who may do things we dislike, live a lifestyle we disagree with, who don't fit into our neat little mold of what we consider good people and someone we would want to be around?

  I have worked at the hospital as the ER greeter for over three years, and in the main lobby almost five years. I have seen and dealt with all kinds of people, and people of all nationalities and walks of life. Drug addicts have come in to register in the ER. I have had people curse me out and tell me to go to hell. I have had people rant to me about people not wearing masks and not getting the vaccine, and have had people rant to me about having to wear the masks and how bad the vaccine is. 

  I have had Trump supporters go on about how bad the Democrats and Biden are, and have had Democrats and the occasional conservative go on about how bad Trump is. As part of my job, I have to treat people with courtesy no matter who they are or how they act....but shouldn't we all do that all of the time?

  One of my favorite authors, and one of the few I have met, Kimberly Woodhouse, posted this a few days ago: 

"Take a moment and be honest. 

If you get riled up and post about politics, masks, the pandemic, vaccines, your rights, etc, and you are a believer in Jesus - let me ask you this:

Do you spend as much time sharing His love and the Gospel as you do speaking out about whichever “side” you are on?"

 I shared it, and said "Touche' post". Only two people "liked it": my best friend, and my author friend who had posted it. Maybe everyone else felt guilty. I did, but I still shared it. 😄😎

  Jesus was asked by the religious leaders in an attempt to trap him "What is the greatest commandment?"

 His reply is one any Christian should know by heart:


Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Matthew 12:29-31. ESV

  How well do Christians in America....in the Republican Party...do with the loving their neighbor?

  Would they stop to help someone by the road who had a Biden/Harris bumper sticker on their car, or drive by? Would they stop to help someone who had a "Proud to be gay" bumper sticker on their bumper? Would they be friendly with neighbors who were on the other side of the political aisle? Gay neighbors? Muslim neighbors....

  There is nothing special about helping those like us. There is no "being like Jesus moment" to befriend those who agree with us politically.

  Jesus loved his enemies and did good to those who did Him wrong. If He had Facebook, He wouldn't unfriend or block someone for dissing His politician. He would stop by the road to help anyone, befriend anyone.


 The whole message of the Good Samaritan Story was not about a guy who stopped to help someone like him who was a great friend. It is about a guy who stopped to help someone who was the enemy. 

 Oh, and both of those neighbors I mentioned.......they are conservative as I am, but are Trump supporters, which I am definitely not. 😜

Wednesday, August 4, 2021

In defense of an author and book

    


I have not blogged in ages, but felt I should post this defense of an author whose books I really like, and one of her latest books that I have read and enjoyed.

    I discovered Karen Witemeyer's books back in May. The first book I read by her was "Short Straw Bride", and then the hilarious sequel "Stealing the Preacher". The next book I read by her was "At Love's Command", #1 in a new series "Hanger's Horsemen". I totally loved the book and the second in the series - book #3 is not out yet - and I ended up buying and reading everything she has written.

 So this book just won a Vivian Award from the Romance Writers of America. Awesome, right? But then a bunch of whiny little snowflakes started complaining on Twitter - and probably other places - that the book romanticizes genocide. So in a horrible and cruel move, the idiots at the Romance Writers of America gave into the minority and pulled the award. And yeah, idiots is a strong word, but man do they deserve it. And worse. 

 I read some of the Twitter comments and a few of the bad reviews...... and wow. I really hope these - I hate to call them Karens when the author is Karen and seems to be a very lovely person - so these uncouth snowflakes - I hope they do not watch any shows with violence of any kind, or read books that has any kind of violence.....because if this book romanticizes genocide, then any book or show that has any kind of violence - killing, kidnapping, stalking, rape, etc - then those romanticize genocide and those people and the RWA people are huge hypocrites.



 So what is the problem these people have? The book begins with the Cavalry on a mission to move some Native Americans. It goes horribly wrong, and some of the military starts slaughtering the Native Americans. Our 4 heroes of the series tries to stop it, and fails. All 4 walk away and form a group of 4 to fight injustice. The book does NOT romanticize genocide, and in fact makes it look very, very evil and wrong.

 If the Romance Writers of America had any integrity and fairness, they would apologize to Karen Witemeyer, and restore the award she rightly won. And if they do not, then they should refuse any book in the future that has any kind of wrong or violence in for the same reason they pulled her award.

  Do me a favor: if you are a reader, go to Amazon or retail site of your choice and buy a book by this author. I have read everything she has written - even a couple that didn't appeal to me by the description - and I have loved everything she has written. So do a good deed and support a great Christian author who has been dealt a harsh wrong.

 Some of my favorites:

                                                   Archer Brothers #1


                                                          Archer Brothers #2




Saturday, February 27, 2021

February thoughts

  Here I am blogging again. What is this world coming to? I have some free time, so I decided to write a little, and see where my mind takes me.

 It actually isn't a very positive post. I'll try to do better next time

.

Conspiracy theories

    I am becoming increasingly bothered by how many Christians are buying into conspiracy theories. They seem to be coming from the Trump camp, and there are some really outrageous ones out there. Jeffrey Epstein is alive and has pictures of Biden and his son with little kids......Hillary is dead and has a double, Michelle Obama is really a man.....and there are others that are even more far out than those. A few years ago, I met a younger guy for supper to chat about politics. He talked a lot about a conspiracy guy called Q - of course my friend didn't consider him that. I cannot remember everything he said in regards to Q, but I do remember some of it: The reason Trump got in was to head up a massive investigation into a so-called Deep State. They were going to be handing out indictments for the Clintons, Obamas, and more. Obviously that never happened, and I doubt much - if any - of Q's predictions came true.

 Now there is a guy named Lin Wood who is coming up with some far out stuff...such as the Epstein theory, and even more far out stuff.

  There is guy who reads my blog some who I have been emailing back and forth some recently. He said this in his last email, and I think he hit the nail on the head. I had never thought of it this way, but it makes sense:

Conspiracy theories scare me. I get the appeal of them. They're comforting to people who feel like they have no control and no power. There's something nice about blaming all the problems of the world on one person or a small group of people, when the reality is always more complicated. The worst part of conspiracy theories is you can't disprove them. Everything becomes evidence for the conspiracy. The neo-Nazi guy I knew was a conspiracy theorist if that says anything. It's one of the main things people use to fill a hole that faith in God should fill. A lot of conspiracies are ridiculous, but they also bring meaning into people's lives. That's the problem there. It's really hard to argue the moon landing really happened when someone's structured their entire sense of self around the moon landing being a hoax.

 A family member sent me a video (link here if someone wants to check it out: The plan to save the world), and she told me to watch it with an open mind. My best friend, who I consider more intelligent than me watched it first. This is part of his reply: "The whole basis of the film is anti-biblical and a perfect propaganda piece for the anti-Christ to arise as the "good" leader who will save us all from the bad guys. The Bible doesn't teach that most people are good and if we could just get rid of the few bad ones we will be free. The Bible teaches that we are all hopelessly bad and only God can save us."

 I watched about 5 minutes of the 13 minute video, and couldn't handle any more of it. I am honestly not saying this to be rude or to come off as some perfect person, but I am truly worried about family and friends who are so into Trump that they are buying into these conspiracy stuff. Is it possible that even the most conservative and mature Christians can be deceived and sucked into things that are not any good?

  And I am not saying that all Trump supporters are into the conspiracy stuff, or that all Trump supporters are the same.




Trump, morals, me, and all things gay

 Speaking of same-sex attractions and me....one battle I have had the last 4 years is how evangelical Trump supporters either swept Trump's moral issues under the rug, or outright defended them. 

  Morals have always mattered to the religious right, and they have used moral failings against a lot of politicians in the past.

  To recap:

1) Trump cheated on at least 2 of his wives and bragged about it. He even said he had done nothing he needed to repent of.

2) He had strip clubs in his casinos

3) He bragged about grabbing women by (insert vulgar term), which is sexual assault 

4) The woman he cheated with on his last wife was in lesbian porn.

  Any of these would have been an issue if he had run as a Democrat. Instead, he was compared to David, Sampson, and others. If you pointed his moral failures out, you were the bad guy, even though the same people would have taken major issue if he was still a Democrat. We were told "we are not electing a pastor." 

  As I have said before, a friend of mine has 2 atheist friends who were disgusted by Christians so eagerly supporting and defending Trump. At least one of them made the statement "I don't want to ever hear a Christian talk about morals again." And quite honestly, I don't want to hear Trump supporters criticize gay people or talk about homosexuality again. A preacher I was friends with on Facebook posted a rant about gay people and what an abomination they are....yet he was an over the top Trump supporter. I commented and said something to the effect that yet he had no problem with Trump's adultery and other moral failings.

  And this isn't about people who voted for Trump and even think he was an OK president. It is the ones on social media defending every single thing about him, attacking anyone who dares criticize him or hold him to the same standards we have held other ones to, while trying to shut up anyone who does speak up. 

  To be honest, my struggles have gotten worse these last 4 years. It may sound crazy, and no one may understand it....but as I have watched Christian after Christian either defend Trump's moral failings or outright ignore them, and go after anyone who dared point them out.....it just seemed like a double standard. I know what kind of reaction I would get if I decided to openly live the gay lifestyle. The same people overlooking or defending Trump would be horrified. Prior to the 2016 election, I had commented about some of this stuff and questioned why so many Christians were suddenly OK with adultery. A lady from my church who barely knows me commented "With your past, I am surprised you would have a problem with it." #1 she evidently knows I am attracted to other guys, but that is all she knows - she doesn't go to church enough to know me. #2 my issue wasn't as much with Trump's adultery as it was with Christians defending and being OK with what they never were before.

  This would horrify anyone from my family or church, but I have become more pro-gay over the last 4 years. I cannot imagine me ever believing it isn't sin to engage in sex with the same gender, but I have always felt a bit antagonistic - I guess would be the right word - towards  gay people in general, which may sound weird since I am SSA or gay, whichever term one would use for me. It is just something the conservative church has so demonized as the worst sin, that I guess it influenced me and even caused self hatred because that is me.

 But I am pretty much OK with gay marriage at this point. If people can divorce and remarry and do all that Trump has done and still have the adulation of so many Christians, then is gay marriage any worse? My main issue with gay marriage all along was the fear of what has happened - forcing Christians to go against their beliefs. I can totally understand a gay couple wanting to marry and have an official joining of their lives.

 Maybe it is because I personally struggle with the issue myself, but I honestly believe any Christian who has defended Trump's abysmal moral issues and tried to shut up criticisms of it, and went after anyone who dared bring it up - those people have no business condemning gay people.

 I'll admit after what I have seen and experienced since 2016, I am a lot more tempted to ditch the church and Christianity and just go gay. It is such a tough and lonely thing to deal with. This may sound pathetic, but I so badly wish I could have a relationship and someone to love......but I am not attracted to women, and it is sin to have that with a man.

 And while I struggle alone, my family and others rail against me for daring to criticize their guy.

 And really, after so fully supporting Trump and defending everything about him, how could they rightly stand against voting for a gay conservative candidate..which is likely to happen some day.


Facebook experiment

  A lot of the frustration and crap I have dealt with has come from social media, and pretty much exclusively Facebook. There is still so much conspiracy stuff, and so many posts about Trump - even people insisting he will still be president for 4 more years.

 Something happened a few weeks ago.....it hurt, and I won't say what it was on here, but I decided to take a little break from Facebook.

First, I went through the 704 Facebook friends and deleted 180 who never interact with me. Then I started using the option to snooze people for 30 days on everyone - well, except my best friend and authors I follow and am friends with. I am also going to try to refrain from posting for the same length of time. There are groups I am in and pages that I follow that I want to keep up with. 

 I also use Facebook for a lot of book review related things. I am currently on two launch teams for new books - launch teams are more than reviewing books. They often have things to share on social media to help spread the word about the book, etc.....and there is always a Facebook group to keep up with.

  After a few weeks of not doing much, I am back on posting fairly regularly.




Is it a cult?

   There is a fairly large faction of Trump supporters who truly do seem to act like they are in a cult. There are a couple of things that have bothered me this week - well, one has been longer than a week.

   It is not an exaggeration or hyperbole to say I have never seen such over the top adulation and defense of a politician by Christians and conservatives. Sure, we like Regan, and I consider him to be the best president of my lifetime - of course Trump's most loyal supporters claim Trump is better......but even Regan didn't get what Trump has gotten, and still gets.

  Josh Mandel
     
Josh Mandel is a 43 year old Republican, former military who ran for Senate in Ohio a few years ago and lost. He is running again, and I started following him ages ago, but his recent posts bother me. A lot. He rarely - if ever - posts anything about his platform, policies, and what he personally wants to do if he wins. He constantly - and I do mean constantly - posts about advancing Trump's policies, talks about his support for Trump, etc. Even if Trump was still president, it seems ludicrous to run on a president instead of your own policies. 

  These posts I took screen shots were all in just a few days. His page is filled with posts like this:







   I commented a few times saying he needs to drop the Trump stuff and talk about his own platform and policies, and finally just quit following him yesterday. No matter how much a person likes Trump, it should bother them that he can't come up with any of his own ideas. Maybe that is why he lost last time. 

  And Trump is NOT the leader of the Republican Party.

The statute
   I truly haven't considered CPAC very conservative for some time, but they did something over the top this year. They had a 6 foot tall golden (I doubt real gold) statue of Trump. To be honest, as much as I joke about people worshiping him and he being the Republican Messiah, this took me aback. Yeah, we have monuments to some great presidents, but those were made long after those men died....and they truly did great things...but to put a statue up 4 months after his defeat at a convention he was speaking at.....yeah, that does truly enforce the idea that he has become more than he should be to many Republicans.

  I did a post about it on Facebook with a verse from Daniel where they were commanded to bow to the golden statue of Nebuchednezzer when the music played - hey, I can't help stirring the pot occasionally. :)  After I posted that, I saw a post by my favorite satire page, The Babylon Bee: Three Republicans Thrown Into Fiery Furnace For Not Bowing Down To Trump Statue. I guess great minds do think alike. :)

 And are they truly wanting him to run again in 2024?



Work

  (Yeah, I talked about my job last time..but it never gets better)

  My job truly does drive me crazy any more. I dread work days, and sleep poorly nights before work. I love my days off even more, and hate even more when asked to go in on my days off..I feel guilty for saying no, yet have no desire to go in when I am off.

 I am so weary of people getting mad and giving me a hard time for trying to do my job. I have been cursed at, told to go to hell, called a "King James donkey hole"...only the guy actually said the word. Another man called me "the big fat bald guy at the front desk."

 Just this week:
1) There is allowed one visitor at a time, multiple during the 1 pm-6 pm visiting hours, with no waiting inside for the other people visiting the same patient. A lady insisted she had been allowed to sit outside the patient room while her aunt was visiting because her aunt was hard of hearing the day before (my day off). I called the nurse - I cannot make those kind of decisions, and the nurse said no. The lady kept kicking up a fuss, so my coworker who was helping out a bit called a supervisor and eventually got permission as I kept screening other visitors,

2) Last night, a young guy walked in with no mask and didn't stop. I tried to stop him and he kept walking, so a coworker caught him. He cursed me out, gave me a hard time about the mask - said he didn't wear one the day before - refused to say where he was going and claimed his "pap" was dying, so I just let him go. 

3) I have to know where people are going. If anyone goes to a patient room when they are not supposed to, or when there is someone else there already, I am going to hear about it. Sometimes I can tell if they have paper work and head for outpatient testing, and just by asking "can I help you with anything", a lot of people will say where they are going. But others, I have to actually come out and try to politely ask where they are headed, and explain why I need to know. 

 So this lady walked by with her elderly mother long before visiting hours headed towards the corrider where the patient rooms are. I walked over and asked if I could help them, and got a snappy "no thanks". So I asked where they were headed, and she came back with "Do you really need to know all of my business?!" 

 I replied that I kind of had to know and started to explain, but she shut me down and said she didn't want to know. I tried a few more times, and finally got the explanation out. She shot off more comments and ended with they were going to the coffee shop, but she'd just forget it and get her mother's bloodwork.

 She did come by later and apologize, but that rarely happens.

   Another man gave me a hard time because the seating area in the lobby is closed off, and daily I get attitude from people for not being allowed to wait in the hospital.

 The only plus is since November, it was only 2 hours of visiting, and it had to be the same visitor every single time......but this week started 5 hours of visiting, and family can rotate those 5 hours.

 It truly has given me a better understanding when I am on the other side of things. I despise the masks, but I don't give anyone a hard time about it. I just get in and out of stores as fast as I can and spend a lot of time at home....where I can go mask-less.


 





Saturday, January 30, 2021

Life lately


 2020 was a bad year for me for blogging. I find doing it somewhat therapeutic, and did start several that I never finished. I think once I got it out of my system, that was it. I am going to try to do better this year, not because I think people are dying to read what I write, but because I do normally enjoy it, and it does help to do it.

   This will be one of those multiple topics posts. I separate them to make the post not seem so daunting, and for anyone who does read it can skip around if they want. 

  So without further ado, here is what is on my mind lately - well, at least some of it. :)


Covid

   The Covid virus has been running rampant for almost a year now, and I still find myself wondering if all the restrictions and actions have been necessary. I was laid off from the day after Easter thru party of June for 3 months because they shut down visiting at the hospital, which made my position pretty much unnecessary. Thankfully with the extra unemployment I got, I didn't have any financial problems, and paid my car off 2 years early with the extra and the stimulus check. Granted, my payment was only $135 a month, but I owed $2800 in March, and paid that off in June. It was a great feeling. Then I bought an electric piano.

 But if Walmart could be open, then why not restaurants...at least with limited seating? The very day Ohio reopened restaurants, two of my nieces and I ate in one. I have eaten out a lot since then. I live about 25 minutes from Salem, OH, and usually make a trip there every week to buy groceries. Almost every time I go, I eat out...and I eat where I can eat inside. There are still a few restaurants like Arby's and Wendy's that are only take out, and I avoid them. I don't want to eat in my car.



Covid and me

  On October 9, I was feeling really hot towards the end of my work day. Since I have a thermometer I use for visitors, I took my temp and it was 100.4. 100.3 is the highest you can be and visit a patient. On my way home, I started coughing. I called the employee health nurse who scheduled me for a Covid test the next day. They did a rapid test, and I was not at all surprised to find out the next day that I tested positive.

  I ran a variety of symptoms: fatigue, short of breath, fever, cough, loss of appetite, diarrhea, weird foggy feeling...but no loss of taste or smell, which is common. On day 8 of my quarantine, my little sister, who had had the virus,  stopped off with some food. She thought my breathing was bad, so I came to the ER at the hospital I work at. They evaluated me, and put me on a steroid. They didn't admit me, but said if my oxygen levels dropped any more, they would admit me. Two days later, they were down to 82. I packed clothes, my laptop, some books, and my phone charger and went to the ER again.

  They admitted me for 5 days, and I was on oxygen for a couple of those days, and on a steroid...which jacked my sugar up to the 500's. I was very impressed with the care I had.

  I went in on a Friday, and they released me on Tuesday. A doctor or nurse had made an appointment with my regular doctor for the following Monday. He checked me out, and had me stay off work another week because my breathing was still not too great.

 The breathing issue, foggy feeling, and fatigue hung around for a few weeks.

 Most of my family had the virus: parents, both sisters and their husbands, all 3 nephews, and at least one of my 3 nieces. The youngest thinks she may have had it a few months before.


Masks

  Masks are one of many things I hate about the Covid era. I am one who refused to wear them until they were mandated. And of course I not only have to wear one at work, I have to enforce people wearing them in the hospital. I didn't even wear them every time I went to Walmart, though I didn't give anyone a hard time. I made the statement on Facebook recently that I refuse to post pictures of me in one, and that if I do post a picture of me in a mask, I am in trouble and need help. :)

  Being on the other side of it as someone enforcing it has made me see things differently. I wear them where required, but still hate them and doubt they help much. Faucci is now recommending people wear two of them, and "experts" are recommending we wear three. Really? There are people in the medical field who insist they don't do any good, and others who swear by them. Even those in charge have waffled about it. If they really do good, then why recommend 2 or 3? And if they work that well, why quarantine when you have the virus? :)

 Many of the pro-mask people are downright obnoxious about it, and I have seen several use Scripture to try to back up their insistence that everyone wear masks. They say to make others feel safe, we should wear them.

 Then on the other side, you have the anti-maskers...which does include me, though I do wear mine where required. Many of them also use Scripture to support their views on masks, and believe a Christian should not give in to wearing them. Many feel it is an attack on our freedoms.

  I honestly cannot see any Biblical evidence to support either view. Before they were mandated, I refused to shop at any business that were requiring them...then the governors of Ohio and PA mandated it everywhere, and I had no choice. I still question the right of a governor to force us to wear them, and also question their right to do some other things......but it isn't the fault of businesses. They have to enforce it because the governors are forcing them to do so.

   I have gotten a lot of attitude because of the new restrictions and rules at the hospital. I have been cursed at, told to go to hell...you name it. It is usually over other stuff, but some of it has been about masks. As much as I hate wearing them, I still have to enforce it, and have masks at my desk. The worst ordeal I had was a few months ago. A man walked in without a mask with his wife for testing. I asked if he had a mask, and he whipped out his cell phone and showed me something saying he had a medical exemption - he seemed all too prepared, and was most likely spoiling for a fight. There are no exemptions at the hospital, and I politely told him that. He went on a rant threatening to call these people, and  those people. He was going to sue  the hospital, he was going to sue me, etc. I asked him to wait a minute til I called my boss...she didn't answer, so I called the second in command who said she would try to get hold of my main boss.

Meanwhile the guy was still shooting his mouth off, and finally said that his appointment was in 5 minutes, and if I made him miss it, I would pay for that also. So I said "just go sir." He said "give me a **** mask, but if I get sick, I am going to sue." I repeated to just go into testing. He started walking away, then stopped and demanded my name. I told him he didn't need that, and he replied "fine...I'll just tell them it was the big fat bald guy at the front desk." Ironically, he was bigger than me. I was worried how he would act when he left, but thankfully I was on the phone helping a guy at my desk. He stopped and stared at me for a minute, but left after I ignored him.

 That is a very extreme example, but I have been wondering for a while if Christians are reacting right in regards to masks. Some seem almost proud to buck the system and not wear one. If the person as the door tells you to put one on, is it OK for a Christian to refuse?


Cooking

  I have come to really enjoy cooking. I will never be as good of a cook as my mother, but I think I have become a pretty decent cook. I'm definitely no gourmet chef, but I have started to branch out a little and try new things.

 Last Christmas instead of giving you my heart, I bought an air fryer. I really like it, and have used it a lot. One of my favorite things in it is very simple: potatoes cut up with the skins on. I love fried potatoes, but have never had any luck doing them. But in the air fryer...perfect. It does cook a lot of things faster than in the over or stove top.

 This Christmas I bought an Instant Pot. I had been wanting one for a while, and one of the rare good deals on Black Friday was a 6 quart one on Walmart.com normally $99.99, on sale for $49.99.

 The Instant Pot has been a little more challenging to learn and use than the air fryer. It is basically a pressure cooker, so you can't remove the lid until the steam has been released....either naturally, or manually. I have had 2 problems with it so far, but they were user errors.

1) I made Mexican rice that scorched badly. I researched the issue, and it was definitely my fault. There has to be enough liquid in whatever you are making, and the recipe called for a cup of chicken broth. It also called for a cup of tomato paste. My mistake was mixing everything together. When you have a heavy sauce, you are supposed to just layer it on top, not mix it in. I mixed it in, so it scorched.

2) My second mistake was last week. I have made soup in it a few times, and made Chicken Noodle for the first time. I did the manual steam release, and instead of just releasing steam, it also sprayed chicken broth everywhere. I actually wondered if something was wrong with it....but nope! User error. Someone told me when you have a lot of liquid in the pot, to let it release the steam naturally. I am impatient, and the natural way takes longer. I guess I need to be more patient, at least in regards to cooking.

  And I cook without using those two devices. I made chili last week, and started it in the crockpot, but it outgrew that, and I had to transfer it to my biggest roaster/pan that I use sometimes for soup.

  The bad thing is I always make way too much of pretty much anything I make. My family teases me and says I should cook for the army or a big camp meeting.

 My family is big on gag gifts - a tradition I started - and one of my sisters bought me a book of recipes for a potluck. The funny thing is, she had to tell me it was a gag gift. I was like "cool, I can use another recipe book." :)

 Supper tonight is going to be stromboli using frozen bread dough.


Work

  My job has changed so much because of Covid. I have to screen visitors and enforce new rules and restrictions, and most of the time I double as a gatekeeper. I had been laid off for 3 months, from Easter Sunday through part of June while visiting hours were shut down.

  My job duties have changed a lot. I work at the information desk in the lobby. Before, I looked up patient room numbers, gave directions, and helped people in other ways. I often had to run people places in wheel chairs - which I thought was crazy since it took us away from our desks, but no one else would do it.

  Now I am not allowed to leave the lobby, as I have to make sure no one is going where they shouldn't go. Visiting hours from June through November were 10 am-6 pm, unlimited visitors as long as it was one at a time, with the others waiting outside.

 As of the end of November, visiting is 2-4, and it has to be the same person visiting the entire time the patient is in the hospital - add that to the list of things people get mad about and give me a hard time about. I am seriously used to getting verbally harassed and abused. Because of limited seating and trying to limit exposure, they try to limit the amount of people coming in for testing also. Unless the person having a test is a minor or has to have someone with them, the other person or people has to wait out in their car. There are no waiting areas open in the hospital. Of course that goes well in the extreme cold or heat. I had a guy yesterday give me a hard time about that and claiming I was disrespecting a 72 year old man, and what a shame that was....said he was not going to run his car and waste gas. After insisting to talk to someone about it, my boss managed to talk him down.


Politics

  The election is over and Biden is president. I do believe there was cheating - there always is - but I am not sure there was enough to tip the scales to him. If Trump voters and supporters are 100% honest, they have to admit Trump is not a nice man - or even a good man. I firmly believe if he had acted better he might have won more people over.

 Instead of trying to woo conservatives who opposed him, he went after them...said he didn't need us, and that we were human scum. He attacked anyone on Twitter who dared oppose him, and in my eyes acted a lot like Obama did with his opposition.

 George W Bush was not perfect, but I can't honestly think of much he did wrong. I didn't like the idea of the NSA listening in on phone conversations and the like, but he was a decent man and decent president. Unlike Obama and Trump, he took whatever crap was thrown at him and acted like a gentleman and acted presidential. I think people have too quickly and too easily forgotten how he acted and reacted during 911. He stood tall, and even many Democrats respected him for that. I shudder to think how Obama, Biden, Gore - had he won - or Trump would have handled that. Gone on Twitter and ranted at the bad guys?

 It seems the main reason so many conservatives are anti Bush now is because he dared not bow to Trump. Conservative and Christian principles, values, and morals are no longer what we judge politicians and voters by....it is their view of Trump. There are true conservatives and decent men who are put down and demonized by Trump supporters because they dare speak out against him. Whether it be a politician, voter, pastor, or whoever.....their conservatism and sadly, even their Christianity, is questioned and taken away if they do not fully embrace and support Trump.

 Examples of the latter: I had a cousin tell me I was not on God's side if I didn't support Trump. Several shared an article before this past election saying that true Christians would vote for Trump. In 2016, Max Lucado shared a great article on why Christians shouldn't support Trump, and was called a Pharisee.......yet if he had posted that about a Democrat, it would have been OK.

 I don't lump all Trump voters and supporters together....but there is a large part of his supporters who are way over the top and I am convinced have made him into an idol. When you say that Trump is the only one standing between us and socialism, and the only one who can do this or that, you are letting God out of the equation. When you treat fellow Christians badly and make false claims about them, Trump has become too important to you. Too many Christians have been putting their faith in a man, politics, and a political country.

 It truly has not been easy being a conservative who hasn't supported Trump. It truly has about destroyed my faith, and has made me doubt everything. If this is what Christianity is - political, Christians fighting and arguing about it, trying to shut down those who disagree, etc - do I want it?


Red trucks

  For the last few years, I have been into the red truck decor. I have incorporated it here and there throughout the house. My living room and a few other rooms have a nautical theme, so I am not sure the trucks go with that...but oh well, it is my house. :)

 I wanted a table runner for the stand in my living room, but it was impossible to find one that wasn't holiday or season themed. I finally settled on a patriotic one that I figure works for most of the year. I have two metal trucks on it. The one came from Hobby Lobby and has moving wheels. I found some miniature feed bags to put in the back.



 The other has stationary wheels, and was one of Walmart's gift sets that has foods or snacks. The trucks - which came in red, white, and green - had a bag of cookies in the bed. I had seen the green and white ones, and was tempted to buy it. Then one day I was there and those were gone and there were red ones. Of course one somehow ended up in my cart. :)

 I also have a few garden flags that have red trucks on. One for fall, one for Christmas, and one for winter that I bought because I couldn't find the Christmas one.


Christmas

 Speaking of Christmas, I just wasn't in the mood or spirit this year. I was just too depressed and decorated very little. I didn't even put up a tree or send any cards. Our family did get together - the majority of us had had the virus anyway, and I did enjoy that......but I just couldn't get into the season this year. I didn't even get my Christmas CDs or movies out.

The hospital calendar 

 Every year, the hospital I work at has a calendar photo contest. Anyone who works at the 3 hospitals, doctor's offices, convenient cares, or any other facility in the Heritage Valley Health System can submit a photo. Any employee can vote for their favorite 3, and the top 12 are used. I have tried the last few years, and actually won this year. This year's guidelines were different. Since no one could travel much in 2020, it had to be pictures of local things. I submitted a picture I had taken of a covered bridge near me that I took in the winter. It is amazing how many people commented - employees and visitors. Not only is the picture used in the calendar, large posters with the pic and a pic of me and my job title are posted all over the 3 hospitals and any facility in the health system for that month - and mine was January. I was pretty popular for a month. :)




 And it was cool. I asked to have a poster when they change them for February, and am supposed to be given a couple. I thought it would be cool to keep one. Even though they misspelled my name on the poster :)


Depression

  My depression has been really bad the last year..worse than anyone knows. I can put up a pretty good front. I am the kind of guy always telling jokes, so I doubt many people have a clue what is going on inside.
 
 I think the whole virus thing has contributed, and that politics has also really done a number on me. It is really difficult having different views politically from your family and most of your church and acquaintances. I am not going to get political again - just saying it has been rough.

 I hesitate to tell my doc. There was a period of time about 10 years ago or so that my doc at the time kept trying different meds on me, and I hate to do that again. It seems to be worse than ever. I have to about force myself to read, and if anyone knows me at all, they would know that is not normal. January is almost over, and I have read two books this year so far.

 There is no way I'd ever do anything stupid. I firmly believe unless someone is not in their right mind that someone who kills themself is most likely going to drop straight into hell...and I sure don't want to go there. Plus, I would never do that to my family.




Two family scares

  We had two scares in our family in the last couple of months. 

Scare #1 Caitie 

My youngest niece, Caitie, got married in September. She got a great guy we love, and it was a beautiful wedding. About 2 months back, her doctor was afraid some lumps on her neck were lymphoma and ordered a biopsy. We were all worried, but I didn't realize how worried I was til I found the results were negative. I cried like a baby.

 I love all of the kids, but this kid......she has messaged me several times when there has been family gatherings I had to miss because of work to tell me that she missed me and wished I had been there. I thought I was going to have to work Christmas day, but got it off. She messaged me and told me she was glad I could be there, and that she wouldn't have wanted to be at the party if I hadn't been able to go. That pretty much made me cry too. It still hurts that I was never able to be a dad, but I love those 6 kids so much.




Scare #2: Nathan

 A few weeks ago, my 3 nephews were putting Christmas decorations away in their barn loft. The oldest came down the ladder and went inside. Nate, 13, started down, but the ladder fell taking him along. He fell 12-13 feet, and ran in the house bleeding, leaving his brother Ben stuck up in the loft til they remembered him several minutes later.

 He was taken by ambulance to St Elizabeth's in Youngstown, where they kept him overnight. He had several cuts on his face and head, fractured his left wrist, and had a 5 inch long 1 1/2 deep cut in his left leg. No concussion or other injuries. He could have been hurt much worse, especially if he had hit the concrete head first.




 I took him a bucket of his favorite snacks the next evening after he came home from the hospital. He is a tough kid, and impressed the ER staff with how well he took it all.


Loneliness

 Something I struggle with that I don't really talk about is loneliness. Our family gets together when we can, though I can't always be there....but I don't have a social life outside of that and when I take the kids out to eat.

 It may not make sense, and depression probably plays into it some: I am lonely a lot, yet there are times I thrive on being alone. I just am not close enough with anyone to hang out. Today is a Saturday I am off. I did any shopping I needed last night after work. This morning, I went out for breakfast at the restaurant near my house - I walk when it is warm. I'll spend the rest of the day inside by myself.

 I have felt really disconnected from my church and people there for some time. The Trump era hasn't helped that. My best friend says I need to reach out and have people over....but who? I honestly don't have friends...just acquaintances, and am not good at making friends....and who wants to hang out with a 51 year old guy attracted to other guys? I don't feel like I belong anywhere or with anyone except my family... and even they try to shut up my criticisms of Trump and say I am causing division - even though I only criticize him on social media.

  I can understand more than ever why so many gay people embrace their sexuality and try to find someone to love. If you are a guy my age, you are an oddity. I hate sports and don't have much in common with anyone.

 I just find myself wishing sometimes I had someone to watch a movie with, or help eat what I cook. But that isn't happening.

 Thankfully, I really like my house - well, my half of the duplex. I have plenty of room, and like this place the best of any I have ever lived since I have been on my own. I hope I can stay here a long time, and have no intentions of moving.


Bernie

  I hate to end on a negative note, so I'll share a few of the Bernie memes I have made. I am really amused by this fad or trend, and have been having way too much fun with it.

                                                              In our ER at work


                                                       In the one main hallway at the hospital


                                                                 on my desk at work


                                                               With me at Hocking Hills, OH


                                                                 In front of my house

                                                                 
                                                            At my church


                                                             at the crossing of the Red Sea


                                                         Outer Banks with the kids


                                                           Spying on my niece and her husband :)