The importance of telling your story

    I know there are people who think I talk about the issue too much that I deal with. Some have told me so, and as I have mentioned before, a lady from my church even blocked me (and my mom and sister) because I post too much about it on Facebook. (And she thought I was too snarky - that I can't help, it runs in the family.)

  There is more than one reason I have started talking more openly and more often about my struggles:

1) I just got tired of hiding it. Wearing a mask gets old and wearisome. After a while, you can't even remember who you are, for the mask has become such a part of you.

2) It is freeing. When you bring something out into the light, it loses the hold it has on you.

3) I stopped caring so much about what people thought of me.

4) To let others know they are not alone.

  # 4 is the focus of this blog post. Imagine that you have a secret struggle or issue: SSA (same-sex attractions), childhood molestation, depression, pornography addiction, abuse, or something else. Imagine that you have never heard about or known of another person ever dealing with the same thing. How would you feel? Most likely you'd feel hopeless, despair, alone, an oddity, and you'd feel that no one could ever understand or relate. The chances of you confiding in someone would be slim to non-existent. The likelihood of you seeking help would pretty much be nil. That was me years ago. I felt so alone and sure that no one in the church, or raised in the church, had ever dealt with this.


  Now imagine that there are several people you have heard of who deal with or have dealt with this issue. Imagine there are ministries and counselors who have personally dealt with it. There are people in your own life who have dealt with it. Can you realize the difference that would make?


  If no one ever told their story, if no one ever took their mask off and showed the world what was underneath, most of us would never have the hope that comes from knowing others have been where we are. Most of us would never confide in anyone or seek help. Most of us would go to our graves carrying our secret, bound and held back from being everything that we could be.

   There are some brave people out there. There are men and women who have come forward and talked about being raped, being molested as children, abuse, addictions, depression, and more. They tell how they got help, and how to get help. They tell how God has worked in their lives and helped them overcome. By telling their story they give hope and courage to others that they too can overcome what they have gone through and are going through.

   It can be scary and uncomfortable to tell your story. You may not always get the reactions you hoped for, and you may lose friends,  and have people avoid you. And your story may not be one that everyone needs to hear.

 If my life was a physical book, I would gut it and remove pages, chapters, and whole sections. There are sections I'd never want anyone to read or know about, and there are parts I'd like to toss aside and forget ever happened.

  Yet everything that would be written there is part of me and my story. It is all part of what makes me.......me. As much as I wish I could change the past, I cannot. I can learn from my mistakes and use them to help and encourage others.

  There may be others who need to know my story:

1) That they aren't the only ones who have struggled to believe God loves them.

2) That they aren't the only Christians dealing with depression

3) That they aren't the only ones who have felt insecure, worthless, ashamed, or like a failure.

4) That they aren't the only ones attracted to the same sex and having no clue how to handle it.

5) That they aren't the only ones feeling they don't belong anywhere.

6) That they aren't alone in thinking no one likes them or wants to be their friend.

7) That they aren't the only ones crying in bed alone wishing they could marry and have a family.

  And there are more..... for another time...... or not.

  I look at what I just typed, and am amazed at how much God has helped me in these areas.

 #1 isn't an issue anymore

#2 is still an issue, but not as bad as it has been

#3.... I am working on those things, but they aren't as bad as they used to be

#4 I know how to handle it, and God has truly worked a miracle in my life. Yes, I am still attracted to the same sex, but it isn't much of an issue anymore.

#5 Not so much anymore, but the feeling pops up more than I like

#6 Not much of a problem anymore. I know a lot of people like and love me, but sometimes wonder why. Seriously. And sure, there are people who don't like me, but to know me is to love me.....

#7 I secretly still wish I could be a father. Well, not so secretly now...... but I don't cry about it anymore. Yeah, guys CAN cry. I have come to peace about being single, and don't think I could stand being married even if it ever worked... I like solitude too much and don't like to share everything I am thinking.

  Now you may have read through this and wish that I hadn't been so transparent........ but this is me. That is my story, my struggles, my scars.....I am not the only one in the church, in MY church, or in your church who deals with these things. Some of those people aren't telling anyone because they fear reactions, they fear losing friends, of being un-Christianized, of being kicked out of the church.....and more.

 No matter what your secret is, no matter what you are struggling with.....other Christians have been there.....are there.

 God has helped me, and He can help others with all of these issues and more.

Removing the mask

**This could be my most personal blog post yet, so if that kind of stuff bothers you....move along.

    Several years ago, I watched an interesting movie called "The Man In The Iron Mask." It was loosely based on characters from The Three Musketeers. The movie started out with an iron mask being welded onto a man's face and head, only leaving room for his eyes and mouth. There were screams from the man during the process. Later in the movie, which is several years later for the man in the iron mask; the mask is removed. By the sounds the man is making, it is obvious it also is a painful process having it removed.

  And then the climatic moment of the movie: The final piece of the mask is removed to reveal the man inside. He looks scared, almost inhuman from years of his hair and beard growing in over his face and eyes. He is a most pitiful sight.

  I can relate. I wore my mask for years, and like the man in the movie; I didn't put it on willingly. No men physically put it on and welded it to my head, but fear and shame put it on just as firmly as if it had been put on physically.

 But unlike the man with the iron mask, no one could see mine. That is the thing about the masks we wear, most people don't know they are a mask; if we wear them correctly. They will just assume that is the real face. My mask was that of a happy-go lucky guy who loves to tell jokes, who had no interest in getting married, and who had everything going well.

  The thing about wearing a mask, is it gets wearisome and old after a while. The effort it takes to make sure it is on firmly and isn't slipping can be exhausting. And after a while, you can't remember who you really are.

  Over the years, I pulled the mask aside and gave some people a glimpse of what was under the mask. The reactions were mostly positive, with a couple of bad experiences related to showing the wrong people.

 And then I stopped caring. I let the mask slip little by little, and people started guessing correctly at what the mask hid. And then one day I did it: I took the mask off. I did something I never, ever thought I would do. On this very blog which I post on Facebook, and which can be read by anyone - family, friends, church members, co-workers....... I publicly stated that I struggle with same-sex attractions. That I, Mark Buzard am not attracted to women, but to men.

  There has been no fallout. No one has tossed me aside or ostracized me. Best of all, it has been freeing. The Bible does say the truth shall set you free, and it has. I am enjoying a relationship with God like I have never had. I look in the mirror, and though I see some areas I need to change - physically and other - I don't have the shame I once had. I have accepted this as the cross I must carry, and God is bringing about change in my heart and life that I never thought I would experience.

  One of my prayers has been that God would somehow use me. I have prayed that He would use this blog and my writing, if He so wishes; and He has. As I have posted things which I never thought I'd publish on this blog, I have gotten some comments indicating it has helped and encouraged some people.

  And I say that thankfully and humbly. If I write anything worthwhile, it is because God has helped me. I am not a good writer. I can't remember where all to use commas, semicolons, and where not to use them.

  I lived a lie for years. I became an expert at deflecting questions about dating and marriage, as I felt the one thing I could never say was that I can't date or marry because I am not attracted to the right gender.

  I can't live that lie anymore. Yes, I am God's child and my identity is in Christ, so I can never use the term "gay" to describe me. I am a Christian guy who struggles with something, just as we all struggle with something. Mine just tends to be outside of the "nice" issues most Christians deal with. And to call it a struggle at this point is not even really true. God has helped me so much, changed my heart and thinking; that it isn't so much a struggle as it is just a part of me that I have to keep under God's authority....... but then we all need to submit our sexuality to God, no matter what it is.

 God loves me passionately and completely. Nothing I have ever done, thought, or said has shocked or surprised Him. He truly can bring beauty from ashes, and make something beautiful out of any life surrendered to Him.

  As I have removed my mask and tossed it aside, I have been truly amazed at the difference that possibly only God and I can see. I have never felt so free, so open and unashamed before God. Walls that were around my heart and soul for so long blocking out everyone and God Himself, are gone. I can almost see the chains lying shattered at my feet.

  Life stretches out before me like a long winding road that I have never been on, but I don't have the fears that I used to have. I am open to whatever God has in store for me, and however He may or may not choose to use me. If it is only this blog, that is fine. If it is more, that also is fine.

  I posted a blog post a couple of weeks ago on the need of community in church. It was a deeply personal from the heart post for me. The response I got was amazing and humbling. I talked about the conference I went to the last two summers put on by Hope for Wholeness, and talked about my involvement with the ministry in the post. As a result, McKrae Game, the man who runs the ministry; is using a slightly edited version ofthat blog post in their newsletter and to promote the next conference.

  That makes me feel humbled, and amazed. I don't tell that to glorify myself in any way, but to show what can happen as a result of removing a mask and being open and authentic. I have felt for a long time that God wants to use this area of my life to help others. What that entails, I have no idea; but this is a start.

  God can never truly make us what we should be if we wear a mask and never let people see who we really are. I am thankful He brought me to this place, and that He never, ever gave up on me. I am thankful for what He has done and is doing in my heart and life, and that I am no longer a man in a mask.

What the church needs: Community, part 2

**I already posted on this subject, but it is something I feel passionate about. Due to a Facebook chat with a friend, I felt more on my heart to say. This nor the other post is a commentary on my own church. I do believe my church lacks true community and has many areas we could improve in, but so does every church across our globe.

 In the book The Blessing, John Trent and Gary Smalley relate a story that the church needs to hear. A Christian woman had an unsaved husband who spent a lot of his time at bars. He became a Christian and started attending church regularly, but quit going and went back to the bars. The reason: he missed the fellowship and camaraderie he found at the bars.

  There will be no place for excuses when we stand before God. No one will be able to say "but the church ignored me, so I gave up", and have God give them a free pass. We are responsible for our own relationship or lack of relationship with God. There is nothing that happens to us in this life that is reason for us to not be a Christian.

  That said, it doesn't mean we are free from blame when people do leave the church or give up if we haven't done anything to encourage and help.

  I have gotten to the place where I am determined to be a Christian even if the whole church ignores me and thinks I am off base. At this point, I am sort of on the other side of the issue of feeling deserted at church......it just isn't that big of a deal to me anymore. However, I can still see where the church is dropping the ball though and I can see need for improvement.

   It is tough being single in a couple''s world. Even in the church, there is the expectation that you'll marry and have kids. If you are single, the church doesn't seem to know what to do with you. I know from personal experience what it is like. It didn't help that I was hurting, didn't think anyone truly liked me, was afraid people would find out the secret I had, and that I felt nothing like the guys I attend church with.....or any other "normal" guy for that matter.

  There are a couple of Facebook groups I am in run by ministries for people who deal with same-sex attractions. People share, ask for prayer, and offer support to each other. One of the guys in that group, I'll call him John, messaged me yesterday.He wanted to know how I got to the place I am at, and how long it took, etc. I tried to answer the best I could, and then he said a couple of things which has resulted in this blog post:

"One of my biggest battles is loneliness.....everywhere I go and do...alone"

"After 20 years, I at times question if God really loves me or even cares...I really have this inate desire to be married, but to eat out alone is excruciating"

  Here you have a man who I would say is a little older than me. He is unmarried, not because he wants to be; but because he is attracted to the wrong gender. He is serving God faithfully, going to church.....and is lonely with no one to hang out with.

  I've been there. I used to dread going out to eat alone. I'd stand back after church wishing someone would talk to me. I'd go shopping and wish I had someone to go with me. I have gotten through that, and actually enjoy eating out alone - though I weary of the "just one?" question. Shopping alone is fun and cathartic, and I am even going on a 2-trip a week from Monday all by myself that I am looking forward to it. Sure, I wish I had more chances to eat out with someone, shop with a friend, or just hang out.... but I have become more comfortable in being just me and being with just me.

  I am reading a fantastic book right now, and the author hit on something worth sharing here. He is a Christian guy about my age who has dealt with the issue of same-sex attraction. Over the years, he has befriended many men who have lived the gay lifestyle and became Christians, men who never lived it but struggle with SSA, and men who left the church to go into the gay lifestyle. He has had many men tell him that they tried to serve God, but after a while everyone their age got married and they graduated from the class or group they were in, and had no one. Many of these men went into, or back to the gay lifestyle to get companionship, love, and to not be alone.

  There have been other unmarried - and I am sure some married people - over the years who left a church because they were lonely, felt overlooked, had no one to befriend them. Some change churches, but others leave the church, possibly never to return.

  Again, I want to stress that we each have a personal responsibility to our own souls, and cannot give excuses to God at the judgment that others didn't help us enough.

But these stories bring up a few things to consider:

1) Are we responsible for or to our Christian brothers and sisters in any way?

2) If someone is attending our church and feels lonely and disconnected, are we doing church right?

3) If someone leaves the church and goes into sin or just never goes elsewhere, are we guilty of neglect and not loving enough?

4) Are we too busy?

5) Are we too caught up in foreign missions and the world outside the church doors, that we are neglecting those inside our church doors?

6) What does the family of God truly look like and involve?

7) Has the church so uplifted and emphasized marriage too much?

8) What is community, and do we have it?

9) What could we as Christians and as a church do to insure no one falls through the cracks.....whether they be married, unmarried, divorced, gay, clean, dirty.......

10) Do we have community?

11) Do you think unmarried people felt alone and disconnected in the New Testament church?

12) Should Christians have to go to Facebook groups or other online sites for help, encouragement, and community?

  A young man walked into a Christian bookstore one day and wandered around for a while. He was contemplating suicide and was hoping someone would approach him and talk to him. No one did, so he went home and wrote a suicide note and took his life. How many people have done that who could have been stopped if a Christian in their life and/or church had taken the time to care?

  The world is full of lonely and hurting people.... and they aren't all out there. Many of them are sitting in the church pew at your church and mine. Some of them may be about to switch churches, stop going to church completely, and some may be considering giving up and getting their needs for companionship met in unhealthy and sinful ways.

  There is only one thing we can take to Heaven with us: people. We get so caught up in work, paying bills, entertainment, and other necessary and unnecessary things that we don't have time for what matters - people. Church should be so much more than a place we go a couple of times a week, sing, hear a message, and go home.

  But that is what it is all too often. I feel disconnected from my church. If you're in the youth group, you have youth activities outside of the church. If you're a woman, you have the secret sisters/sisters of encouragement thing, If you are a man.......and if you are a single man....... there's nothing. You see your fellow church members at church only.

  For the most part. I do occasionally see people during the week, and once in a great while eat with someone.

 But we need more. We can't keep neglecting those in our pews who need us.

Thank God for those who do reach out. Thank God for online social media who can hook up people with others who can help and encourage them.

 But what about offline? Are we doing enough? Do we care enough?


  There's a song that was popular several years ago called "Who will be Jesus to them?" May we be Jesus to the hurting and lonely among us, and may they never have to leave the church to find what they need.


He came home from work last night, 
To find that she is gone, 
Now He's spending his first Sunday 
Sitting in the pew alone, 

There are whispers all around him, 
His heart breaks in two, 
He's wondering who will reach out 
And help him make it through, 

Who will be Jesus to him?
Who'll show the love that restores him again?
Oh he does not need a judge, he needs a friend.
Who will be Jesus to him?

She has a reputation like 
The woman at the well, 
The only love she ever knew was
The kind she buys and sells, 

But her thirsty heart is searching 
For a love that will be true, 
The Savior cries for her to 
See Himself in me and you, 

Who Will be Jesus to her?, 
Who'll show the love that's 
Commanded in His word?, 
Will she see in us the mighty God we serve?, 
Who will Be Jesus to her?

Wounded People everywhere, 
And when they look at us, 
Do they see Jesus there?
Who Will be Jesus to Them?, 
Who'll show the love that 

Restores Them again?, 
Oh, They do not need a judge, 
They need a friend, 
Who will Be Jesus to Them?

The masquerade party (edited)

I went to a masquerade party a few days ago. It was pretty cool. I made sure I had my mask in place before I joined the rest of the party goers, so I wouldn't stick out. It wouldn't do to go to a masquerade party and be without a mask - you'd stick out like the proverbial sore thumb!

As I found a seat and waited for the party to start, I looked around and admired the masks of my fellow party goers. I was impressed, and secretly wondered if my mask would measure up to the rest of the party goers. There were some really fancy masks, and I could tell a lot of thought had been put into some of them. I let my eyes drift from person to person. Mask to mask. Oh boy -  a person without a mask - well a kid actually. And another kid, and another. Why did all these kids come without masks?! Didn't anyone tell them they were to wear one? My eyes sought out the teenagers I knew were present. Good. They had their masks on. But why didn't the smaller kids? I didn't get it.

As I puzzled over that, the song leader stepped up to the pulpit and announced what page to turn to in the hymnal. Wait a minute. Song leader? Hymnal? I realized with shock that this wasn't a masquerade party at all! It was a worship service at my church! I started to remove my mask, feeling pretty embarrassed, but as I reached for it, I noticed that no one else was removing theirs. What a dilemma to be in. I knew I shouldn't be wearing a mask in church, but everyone else was. I sighed, then decided to leave it on so I wouldn't stick out. I still puzzled about the smaller children though - how could they be so smart as to not wear a mask in church, while the adults, who are supposed to be so much smarter and more intelligent, sat there with their masks on, oblivious to the fact that one does not wear masks in church.

Or do they? And what are under those masks?

Obviously if you have read this far, you know I am being satirical, or just weird. Maybe weird. But I am striving to make a point. All too often Christians do wear masks. No, not a plastic, rubber, or what else masks are made of - we wear emotional and spiritual masks.

  That couple sitting in the pew across the aisle. They smile and look pious, but no one knows that their marriage is falling apart, slowly but surely. The young woman on the other side - she cries every night, wondering if she will ever find someone to love. The young husband sitting in front of her - his mind drifts to the images he had been viewing on his computer the night before, worrying if he remembered to clear his computer's history. The teenager on the back seat - as he sings with the congregation, he contemplates which way would be best to take his own life. No one cares. He's so tired of being bullied and beaten down. The middle aged woman toward the front - she has been having a lot of doubts lately. About God, her own salvation - yet she fears being "un-Christianized" if she voices her doubts, so she smiles and straightens her mask. The man sitting behind you - he is attracted to other guys and has no idea how to handle it, or who he can trust to tell.

   I was talking to my pal Steven last night, and mentioned a book I just reviewed by Warren Wiersbe, Be Authentic. It is a commentary on Genesis chapters 25-50, and I told him I was going to pass it on to my brother-in-law who is a pastor, as he may be able to use it. Steven asked me in jest, "why, don't you want to be authentic?" I laughed and made the statement that if I were authentic, no one would like me.

   Is that why so many people in the church wear masks? Are they afraid that if they take the mask off and be authentic - and honest - that people would look down on them? Un-Christianize them? Maybe not even want to be around them?

    I am afraid the church is all to guilty of two sins - and I am not excusing myself from at least the one - judging and gossiping. Could it be that we feel it necessary to wear our masks and cover up our problems because we fear being judged and talked about? Or because we fear we are beyond help?

   Several years ago, Bill & Gloria Gaither wrote a great song. We sing it occasionally at church - The Family of God. I've been thinking of that song some in the last several months, and it may sound terrible to make such a statement, but I can't help it - I'm blunt and outspoken - if this is the family of God, I want some new siblings. Siblings who really care.

  I made a statement on my blog several months ago, and someone from my church commented. I think highly of him, and am not knocking him for his comment at all - I'm sure the majority of people feel as he does. It was something to the effect that he would never ask someone at church how they are doing spiritually - or anything like that - for he wouldn't want someone asking him that.

   When we sit in our padded pews (well, ours are padded) - singing the songs, listening to the message - I believe that many would be horrified and shocked if they could see under the masks of their fellow church goers.

  (New content ahead)

  I know of three guys in my church who struggle with same-sex attraction. One I know better than anyone else, other than God (ha ha), the second I know very well; and I have no idea who the third one is. That is at least three people in a congregation of 250-275 people who have a major struggle that requires a rather big mask. And we are not alone. There are others wearing masks covering not that struggle, but other struggles and sins; deathly afraid someone will find out what they are hiding and struggling with.

  Much has changed since I originally posted this five years ago. I got tired of wearing my mask. Oh, I am still not to the place where I can stand up in church and say my struggle out loud. I could handle it, but my church couldn't; though many people at church know or most likely suspect what I struggle with by now. And that is OK.

  You know what I have found as I have taken my mask off and admitted I am not perfect, that I have doubts, fears, and struggles..... that there is a reason I never married nor ever will? It has been freeing. I no longer fear people seeing the real me. The vulnerable, imperfect me. The me that is attracted to the wrong sex, though God has done wonders in that area. As I slowly removed the mask - it wasn't a fast removal like one would rip off a band-aid - the struggle lost its hold on me. The devil lost an edge he had on me, always making me fear what people would think if they knew THAT. I discovered that the truth really does set you free.

  When I originally published this post, I wrote this near the conclusion:

I've thought about taking my mask off. Of reaching up, ripping it off, and throwing it to the side - but I won't. I've let a few people see under it, and oh, they say they will pray for me, pat me on the back, but they move to the other side of the church. I've heard others at church make statements that ripped me apart - what they think of the person under my mask - not knowing that my mask is covering that. If they saw under my mask, they wouldn't pray for me. They would pull their righteous robes around them and adjust their own mask, and shove me out of their sight.

  Those fears are gone. What people said in the past is still there. It is possible I am the topic of gossip and some people may feel revulsion if they know what I deal with. It is possible that some at my church view me as a leper to avoid.  And it is a fact that it is rare that anyone talks to me about what I struggle with........ but that is OK. I am not the Mark of 2010. This is a new and freer Mark. A Mark that knows I am not a freak or abomination, that God does love me, and that there are other people in church - even my church - who have struggles and don't have it all together.

  Church still isn't everything I would like it to be, and what I feel it needs to be..... but I no longer go as if I was going to a masquerade party. My mask is gone. Maybe I am more honest and open than some would like me to be, but I can't put the mask back on. This is the real me. The me that God loves with a love I will never understand.

 

Living with a secret

 Hopefully I don't repeat myself too much from a blog post I did in 2014 Hiding Is Part of Satan's Plan,  but this was on my mind.

I've gone most of my life with a secret. I used to be terrified of people finding out. It isn't much fun. I had to become a skilled master at answering - or dodging - questions like "why aren't you dating?" "Why aren't you married?" "Isn't it about time you settled down with a nice girl?" I was scared to death of how people would react if they found out.

  Then somewhere along the line, I ceased to care. I have gone most of my life without many close friends, and came to the realization that people who are true friends are going to love me and accept me no matter what my secret is. So I stopped trying to hide it. I stopped fearing people's reactions. If people press, I tell them. The overall reaction has been positive. No one from church gathers around and wants to talk about "it", but neither does anyone seem to avoid me.... though one lady from church blocked me, my mom, and my sister on Facebook because I posted too much about "it".

  I have become more open about it even on this blog. I have yet to come out and say "I struggle with.....", but anyone who reads my blog very often should be able to figure out what "it" is without a Master's degree. Nor have I bought the t-shirt.

  It is freeing. When you keep something in the dark, the devil will use it against you. Bringing something into the light frees you and helps loosen the hold your secret has on you. The truth really does set you free.

  We are surrounded by people with secrets. Some may have told a close friend or two, but some are afraid to tell anyone.

I'm gay

I think my spouse is having an affair

I'm addicted to pornography

Someone is molesting me

I want to kill myself

I am severely depressed

  And the list goes on. Our churches are full of people dealing with some of these issues and many others, but they are afraid to tell anyone. I have been there. People fear judgement from their brothers and sisters in Christ. They fear being ostracized or even being asked to leave the church. And those things have happened.

  Because just as our churches are full of hurting people with secrets, they also have their share of judgmental people who would be quick to judge and ostracize.

"You're gay?! Must be a child molester"

"Marriage problems? You must not be a good enough wife/husband"

"Depressed? You just need to go to the altar and pray about it"

"Porn? You disgusting pervert"

  Back when I first moved back to Ohio from Indiana, we had a Sunday School class on "it". Two men were especially vocal about their feelings. Both threw the word "pervert" around a few times. Both said they wouldn't want their children around "those perverts". The one said he'd rather have his kids around a murderer than one of "those perverts."

  That was about eight years ago. I was still guarding my secret pretty well. There may have been a couple of people present who knew, but most of them did not. I sat there feeling raw and hurt. I fought tears. I wanted to get up, walk out, and never come back. But I stayed.

  A lot has changed since then. Neither of those two men come to my class anymore. One of them was caught doing something he shouldn't have been doing and the whole church knew about it. Instead of that day shutting me up and pushing me more into my closet of secrets and shame, I opened the doors and slowly started emerging. I told more people. I stopped being afraid to post things on Facebook about it for fear someone would connect the dots. I lost the fear of my church knowing and decided I didn't care. (The issue of "it" has been discussed several times since then in class, and there were no hateful comments...... just thoughtful and compassionate comments and input.)

  And I came to the realization that God knows and understands it all. Even if my entire church turned their backs on me, He never would. Even if the church kicked me out, God wouldn't. Even if I had no friends left, He would still be there.

  It would be awesome if church was a safe place. It would be awesome if you could stand up among your Christian brothers and sisters and tell your secret, rip off the mask that you have been wearing so long, step out of the shadows and say "this is me.....this is my secret, my struggle.... I need prayer, I need help, I need loved".

  That day will never come in many churches. And many church members are in denial, which doesn't help:

"Someone in my church attracted to the same sex? No way". (Well, my church has at least three.)

"Someone in my church addicted to pornography? Nah. Not my kid, not my husband, no one I know."

"Someone in my church cheating on their spouse? Nope"

  And those in the shadows with their secrets back further into the shadows, and suffer in silence in the pews in the very place they should be able to get help, support, and love.

  I am not saying everything should be shouted from the housetop.... or the pew. Prayer request time in front of the whole church isn't the time or setting to announce you're addicted to pornography, or that your kid is on drugs, or your kid got his girlfriend pregnant, or that your kid is gay..... or that you're gay.

  But if we did church right, if we were truly like Jesus, if we truly were the family of God where "one one has a heartache, we all share the tears".....there would be no need to fear. There would be no need to hide in the shadows, to suffer in silence in the pew, to put up with the jokes and mean remarks made in your presence about your secret.

  Some day all who serve God faithfully here, will arrive in a place where there are no shadows, no secrets, no one who will judge or push them away. All will be known, and it won't matter anymore. There will be no pornography, no drugs, no same-sex attraction, no pain, no shame, no closets to hide ourselves or our "stuff" in.

  In the meantime, the church has work to do. We need to throw out our judging, throw out our denial, stop using busyness as an excuse, love more, be Jesus more to those who are hurting, take off our own masks and admit we are not perfect, and make God's house a place of safety....... make it a place where people don't have to keep secrets - at least from the whole church. We need to make church a place where people can remove their masks, come out of the shadows, and not have to sit in the pew and suffer in silence as they look at everyone else who seems to have to all together.