Nothing can separate me

  It is not easy to stop long held beliefs. I lived so much of my life believing God didn't love me or even like me, that it is difficult to completely be free from that thinking. I tend to view God in human terms at times, and view Him as vindictive and petty, a God who holds grudges and has a scale of good and bad I do that affects His love and view of me.

  That sounds a bit bizarre, but it is often the way my mind works.

   There is something I have been praying about, a need that is pretty big to me. I bounce back and forth between having faith that God is going to work it out, and fearing that He won't. Lately, I have noticed a trend in my praying and thinking. I seem to have this idea that if I mess up at all, that God isn't going to answer this prayer and is going to weigh my misdeeds and good deeds when considering my request.

   No, I don't believe in a works salvation. I just have a difficult time believing in the love, grace, and mercy of God for me. I get frustrated easily with people over some things, so I tend to think God is the same way with me. "Really, Mark... again? Will you never get it right?" Part of me knows God isn't like that, but old habits are very hard to break.

   I have been reading the latter part of Romans 8 a lot lately. Calvinists like to use it to claim once-saved-always-saved, but that is not what these verses mean. They do mean that nothing can make God stop loving us. We can walk away and stop serving Him, but He will still love us....even me.

 I don't have to be perfect or reach a certain level of Christian maturity for God to love me and answer my prayers. I do have to be obedient and follow Him daily..... but even when I disappoint Him or fail Him, He still loves me, He still has grace and mercy, and will never stop loving me.


35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written,

"For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
    we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered."

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8:35-39 (ESV)