blogged about it in the middle of the night, or really early in the morning...whichever way you look at it. I am not going to repeat that, but another facet of this trusting God has been on my mind. It started with the feeling God wanted me to do something, and no I am not going to say what. :) It is something I should do, but have fears about. I wasn't really arguing with God about it, but was giving reasons why now isn't a good time. His reply was a reminder of my time in the hospital, and my new determination to truly trust Him.
You know what? It is one thing to trust God when you don't really have to do much or anything. When I was lying in that hospital bed worrying about how I was going to cope with a diabetes diagnosis, blood clots on my lung, taking blood thinners for 6 months, and the mounting hospital bills.....and God told me that He had it in control and not to worry; that was somewhat easy. It is another thing when trusting God involves actually doing something: giving notice at a profitable job to go into ministry, selling your house and moving into something smaller so you can give God more money, and the list could go on.
It is far easier to tell God you trust Him, than it is to prove you trust Him. We will never plumb the depths of God's ways nor will we ever understand Him, but I have been learning more and more about Him and His ways in these last few weeks and months; and especially since my time in the hospital. And this is one thing I am learning: God isn't content for me to sit back and wait for Him to fulfill His promise to take care of all of this; He wants to give me opportunity to prove I trust Him.
And it makes sense. How will we ever truly trust Him if it doesn't involve any action or challenge on our part?
I finished reading a most challenging and convicting book today with the eye-catching title of "Jesus Called. He Wants His Church Back." One area the author addressed is how we are so addicted to safety. He pointed out how much more the church and Christians could do for God if we weren't worried about our safety - and not just physical safety, but other areas. Ironically, he even mentioned this very thing God has been asking me to do that would involve me truly putting action to my trusting Him.
That chapter convicted me a lot. If you have read the Chronicles of Narnia, you may remember this discussion about Aslan, the lion that kind of goes with this idea:
In The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Susan and Lucy ask Mr. and Mrs. Beaver to tell them about Aslan, the lion in the story who is the Christ-figure. They ask if Aslan is a man, and Mr. Beaver replies:
Aslan a man? Certainly not. I tell you he is the King of the woods and the son of the great Emperor-beyond-the Sea. Don’t you know who is the King of Beasts? Aslan is a lion—the Lion, the great Lion.”
“Ooh!” said Susan. “I’d thought he was a man. Is he quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion.”
“That you will, dearie, and make no mistake,” said Mrs. Beaver, “if there’s anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they’re either braver than most or else just silly.”
“Then he isn’t safe?” said Lucy.
“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver. “Don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about being safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”
Serving God doesn't guarantee us safety. He may ask us to do things that cause our knees to knock together. He may ask us to do things that cause us discomfort and totally disrupts our orderly lives..... but He is good, and we can always trust Him; even when that trust involved action....putting feet to our trust and going out on a limb for this God who isn't safe, nor guarantees us safety.