Me: Good morning, Mr. Trump. It is a pleasure to be able to talk to you.
DT: It sure is! The pleasure is all yours. This is yuuge for you!
Me: Uh, OK.. moving on: why did you decide to run for president?
DT: I just woke up one morning and thought: "We need to make America great again. I am GREAT, so what better person to make America great than I - Donald Trump!
Me: Is that your final answer?
DT: Well, I do want to take a page from my buddy Bill Clinton and bring women back into the Oval Office. Wink, wink.
Me: OK then. Why did you switch parties from being a Democrat to a Republican?
DT: It's going to be yuuge!
DT: The con I am pulling on all of these conservatives and Christians who think I have truly changed parties and positions..... uh, make that one off the record.
Me: Speaking of Christians, you made the comment that you don't need to ask God for forgiveness because you have never done anything wrong. Do you really believe that?
DT: As I was telling my buddy Joe Paterno yesterday at the 7-11 memorial, "Joe, in 2 Corinthians, it says Chapter 11. That was a sign for me to go bankrupt 4 times."
Me: Uh, Donald... Paterno is dead, and don't you mean 911? And the Bible does not say to go bankrupt...and you also didn't answer my question.
DT: It is going to be yuuge!
Me: What is?
DT: Next question
Me: OK, what would you say to people who oppose you. People who say you have no substance, and are just faking being a Republican?
Me: Sir, I cannot put that kind of language on my blog....besides, I am not sure some of what you said is even possible.
Me: Let's move on to your opponent, Ted Cruz.
DT: Lyin Ted!!!!
Me: What has he lied about?
DT: Everything, The list is yuuge!
Me: Name one thing he has lied about.
DT: It is a yuuge list!
Me: You can't name anything?
DT: I'm going to make America great again!!
Me: Well, let's talk about Hillary Clinton then. You have said she would make a great president. And now you may be running against her. Do you still believe that to be true?
Have I mentioned I am going to make America great again?
Me: (rolling my eyes) Let's see if I can find a question you'll answer: You said you're going to build a wall and make Mexico pay for it. Just how will you do that?
DT: It is going to be yuuge!
Me: I am sure it will be. Sigh. There are people who think you are running just to sabotage the Republican Party and to help Hillary win the presidency. What do you say to that?
DT: Ted Cruz lies!! Lyin Ted, lyin' Ted!!!!!
Me: I don't know if you're aware of this, but I have total disdain for you and believe you are trying to sabotage the Republican Party. I don't believe you CAN beat Hillary, and that you are a yuuge fake.
DT: Here, have a drink of my kool aid. It is great!
Me: No thanks. I have seen what that does to people.
How about another question: You just said this week that you are OK with people using whatever bathroom they want, and you knocked North Carolina for their law they just made. What is up with that?
DT: Well, it just gives me another place to meet women! Now I can saunter into any Target, go in the women's bathroom, and find wife #4! (Don't tell Ivana I said that.. she thinks she is going to be First lady my whole term!)
Me: Has anyone ever told you that you're a sleazeball?
DT: You say that word like it is a bad thing. I am a yuuuge sleazeball and it is great!!
Me: Are you truly pro-life? Are you for de-funding Planned Parenthood.
DT: That depends..... are you a Republican or a Democrat?
Me: What does that have to do with it.. just answer the question!
DT: I am going to make America great again!
Me: Another question: You keep saying you;ll bring more jobs to America, yet you have your clothing line made out of the US.....care to explain?
DT: Sure. It costs me a lot less to have my great and yuuge line of clothes made in Mexico. Plus, some of those senoritas are really hot!
Me: Forget I asked. Who would you pick to be your vice president?
Me: You can't do that
DT: I am Donald Trump. I can do whatever I want, and I value my own advice and input. I'd make a great team!
Me: One last question: It doesn't look like anyone will get the required amount of delegates. What do you think should be done?
DT: Take Lyin' Ted's and Little Rubio's and give them to me, of course.
Me: You have a big ego, you know that?
DT: It is yuuge!
Me: Well, thanks for this interview, if you can call it that..... and I have to be honest sir: I hope you lose and are not the GOP nominee.
Me: Enough with the bad language! Good day sir.
DT: Here, have some kool-aid. I made it myself!