Thoughts of a messed up Christian saved by God's grace

Friday, March 4, 2016

Trusting God

 Maybe I am starting to actually turn into a writer. Here it is, almost 4 am on Friday morning, and I have a couple of blog ideas floating in my head. Since this hasn't been the best night for sleeping, I decided I may as well write. Between the noise of the machines pumping fluids and blood thinners into me, a vampire coming into my room every few hours to suck my blood, and the nurse and pca (personal care assistant) coming in every once in  while.... and of course the bathroom trips every couple of hours (I have to unplug 2 machines, drag an IV pole on wheels, and go across the room to the bathroom) - I have hardly got any sleep.

  OK, they really aren't vampires. I acted surprised when I could see the one lady's reflection in the window. ( you won't get that if you don't know much about vampires...) And granted, I have called the nurse a couple of times by accident..... must they put call buttons all over the bed?! Oh, and did I mention staff talking in the halls? Restful, this night is not! Hence, the blogging at 4 am.

  By the way, I am starting to look like a drug addict with all the needle marks in my arms. I'm afraid if I drink, it will leak out of my arms....just call me sieve.

   I did my first blog post ever from a hospital bed last night, and closed it by talking about trusting God. As I tried to go to sleep, I realized I  had not had my evening devotions yet, so I got out my Kindle and tried to access the Bible translation I wanted to use, but was having problems navigating it. I glanced at my cell phone, and decided to use the Bible app on it. I navigated to the Contemporary English Version  - oh lighten up, you KJV only people :) - and started reading. I decided I wanted to read a specific passage in Matthew, but again had trouble navigating and next thing I knew a chapter in Psalms popped up: Psalm 105.

  And right there at the top of the Psalm were 5 words: The Lord Can Be Trusted.....seriously. I decided God must want me to read in Psalms instead of Matthew, so I went ahead and read Psalm 105. And I was probably more encouraged and blessed by it than if I had read what I wanted to read. Coincidence? Maybe, but I don't believe it. I believe God had that chapter pop up to remind me to trust Him.

   This trusting God is a unique thing. You don't really need to trust Him until things are tough. Think about it. If everything is going rosy or peachy, whichever you prefer, are you really exercising trust in God? Or are you trusting in the circumstances.

  It is when things don't go right, when life falls apart; that is when trusting God is truly exercised and put to the test.

When the verdict is cancer

When the crib and womb are empty

When the pink slip comes

When you're picking out the casket way too soon

When the one you love and pledged your love to leaves you for another

When you're looking at a rising hospital bill and days off from work unpaid

When things are at their darkest, when life seems so unfair, when you wonder "why?"

 Those are the times when trusting God comes into play. Those are the times that trusting God is made for. Anyone can trust God when life is perfect and we have no ills or complaints. But is that really trust?

  Trusting God is believing He has it under control and will make a way when there seems to be no way. Trusting God is believing that God loves us and has a plan no matter how dark things can get. It means we keep serving Him no matter what. It is remembering He has never failed us, and never will.

  Maybe this is all an answer to my prayer for God to help me trust Him. Yikes, now there is a heavy thought. I'd better be careful what I pray for. I don't know if that is the case, but just the fact that the events transpired in a way that they caught this thing...... that shows me God loves me, that He is in control, and that I can trust Him completely without fear.

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