Thoughts of a messed up Christian saved by God's grace

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

5:00 am

   It's 5 am here as I sit in front of my computer. I called off work a little more than an hour ago, and here I sit unable to sleep, and with time on my hands. I haven't felt this sick since my hospital stay back in March, though thankfully it isn't THAT bad. I am convinced that if you peered into my mouth during one of my coughing fits, you would see one of my lungs looking back at you as I seemingly try to cough one up.

  It was a rough night. I felt so weak, worn out, and sore all over that I went to bed a little after 8, only to wake up at 11:30 coughing so hard I was surprised a lung wasn't lying beside me. I got up and drank some hot tea, browsed Facebook, tried to go back to sleep......gave up, watched a movie for a while, tried to go to sleep again, gave up, drank more hot tea..... it has been a lovely night. I truly hated to call off, but sometimes it needs to be done.

   I feel like blogging, and I guess I am technically doing so, but I'm not sure what to write about. I have a post about singles floating around in my head, one about true Christianity, thoughts about Thanksgiving and Christmas.....but I am not sure what to write about any of those, so I'll "jot" down a couple of things that have been on my mind lately as I listen to Christmas music.

Conversation with "Jane"

 With HIPPA laws, I have to be careful, so I am using an alias for the lady. A few weeks ago, a woman in her 70's started coming in and she'd need wheel chair assistance. She'd be dropped off at the door, and I'd help her in a wheel chair. Occasionally, she'd need me to push her if her ride left. She had a loved one way down in Critical Care, which is a far distance from the main lobby.

 This one day, she and her sister-in-law both needed pushed, but had another relative along that pushed the other lady. CCU has limited visiting hours, and they were going for the 2:00, and Jane asked if I could come down for her at 2:30. I got there a few minutes early, and they weren't ready..... the doctor was coming to talk to them. I hung out a bit impatiently for a few minutes, then headed back to the front of the hospital, hoping they wouldn't call me back right before I clocked out for the day.... but they didn't.

  The next day, I was walking past the coffee/snack shop in the main lobby and saw Jane and some of her family eating. Part of the eating area is just separated by a low railing from the main walk way of the hospital. Jane called my name and said hi, so I leaned on the railing and asked how her loved one was. She started crying, and told me. The loved one was her husband of 46 years, and they had just found out at the end of October that he had cancer........ bad. It didn't look like he would make it. I listened, told her I was sorry to hear that, and told her I'd be praying for her. That was the last time I talked to her. Her husband died the next day.

 I remembered my impatience, and felt badly. Whether you work in a hospital or not, we never know what people are going through who cross out path, and we should always show the love of Jesus......no matter what.

Taylor, another hospital story: 

  There is another lady who had been coming in daily to see her boyfriend/fiancee'. She was in her 70's and volunteers with the ladies' auxiliary in the hospital gift shop. I got the job of pushing her to his room day after day, and she was very appreciative. Then one day she came in acting rushed, and said they had moved him to Hospice, and asked if I'd take her up. As I pushed her in a wheel chair up to Hospice, she wept as she tried to tell me how he was doing.

 A few days later, she came in and walked up to the desk to say hi to me and Thelma, the lady at the front desk. I asked how her guy was doing, and she said they had just buried him the day before. I gave her a hug and told her I'd be praying for her. She then headed over to the coffee shop/snack shop to get something to eat. I watched her go, and said to Thelma, "After she orders, I am going to find out what she is having, and pay for it." Thelma said she'd help pay - she is good like that. I wandered in and saw Taylor, a young girl who works in there, walking away from the lady's table and heading for the fountain drinks. I approached Taylor and asked her what the lady had ordered. She replied "I am going to pay for it. She has gone through so much that I wanted to do something nice for her." I told her Thelma and I were going to pay for it, but I'd let her.

 I walked away thinking more highly of this very young girl. There aren't many kids her age who would do something like that.

Bible journaling

 For some time, I have been wanting to try Bible journaling. I even bought a Bible specifically made for that, got it home, and decided I couldn't bring myself to do it, and took it back.

 I'm weird. I find the idea of writing in any book abhorrent. I know a lot of people who write in their Bibles, but I never have. Writing in any book just seems wrong. I'll run across some good things in books I read and own, and never, ever write in them.

 But the time has come when I am going to have to overcome this phobia or whatever you'd call it. I requested a journaling Bible to review....... and I also requested a Bible journaling kit to review. Yeah, I didn't know they made such a thing either. It contains colored pencils, stickers, and some kind of ruler. I have no excuses now. But how exactly does one journal in a Bible? Is there an app for that?


 I am ashamed to admit it, but I haven't been feeling very thankful lately. Having my house deal fall through has hit me hard, but I have to wonder if it isn't my own fault. The day I made the offer for the house of the asking price, I knew there was another interested party. I prayed that if it was God's will, my offer would be accepted. My realtor called me back and said I'd been outbid. Without even thinking much about it, I bid $3,000 more and got it. Ever since the deal fell through, that has been on my mind.......maybe it wasn't God's will and I tried to buy it anyway.

 The election stuff is still getting to me. I had high hopes that we'd get rid of a horrible president and replace him with a true conservative. I still feel disbelief and disgust that so many Christians and conservatives picked Donald Trump.....and I am still convinced he will be another terrible president.

 As I have had these thoughts of not having much to be thankful for, I felt checked and reminded of all that I do have to be thankful for. There are so many people worse off than me. There are people who have no loving family, no home, no food..... I am more blessed than I realize or verbalize.

Job interview

 Yesterday I had both a phone and sit down interview for a new position at the hospital I work at.

It is very similar to what I already do
It pays better
I'd actually be working for the hospital, instead of an outsourced company.
I'd work 2 12's and 2 8's, which means 3 days off instead of 2.

I'd have to work every other weekend, and I currently have Sundays off.
Right now, I have a set schedule and days off. With this, I'd not have a set schedule.

  And I may not get it. I am praying God's will about it. So we will see.

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