I am learning to listen for and hear God's voice more than I used to. I have a confidence that He does indeed speak to me. The things He tells me would never come from the devil, and they wouldn't come from me; a guy struggling to trust God. I could never come up with these things on my own, so that leaves God.
I have felt Him talking to me a lot during this hospital ordeal. Maybe He decided to take advantage of me being on my back and in solitude and silence. I already blogged about His urging me to trust Him through all of this, and the message coming through that He has this.
Today is a new day. It is a new day with new challenges, new surprises, and not-so-good news.
First was the chat with the case management lady about all of the bills that would be coming my way, and some ways I might be able to get help. Then the doctor came in for a chat. After letting me know what was going on, he told me they had yet another test to do on me, an echo cardiogram. My mind started seeing dollar signs again, but then it went downhill from there. He diagnosed me with type 2 diabetes.
Yeah, I know. It isn't exactly a death sentence, but it was a bit staggering on top of everything else. As I rode the wheelchair down to this next test, I was feeling overwhelmed. The diabetes diagnoses was the icing on the cake... a cake I didn't want..... nor would probably be allowed to eat now anyway..... I started thinking about meds, monthly expenses, bills, etc.
And then it happened. Maybe I am getting more attuned to it, or I am listening more. It was a quiet nudge inside. "This isn't a surprise to Me. When I told you yesterday that I have this, I knew this was coming." Wow.
Why do we so easily forget what God has already done or promised to do? Why do we assume that He is as surprised by events as we humans are? He is never surprised. He saw these events of my week way before I even was thought of by my parents. It didn't catch Him by surprise, and He was ready and prepared for it; and ready for me to put it in His hands. He must have an exhaustive reserve of patience and mercy.
Maybe I am the only one who so easily forgets what He has already done and promised, but human nature being what it is; I doubt that is the case. Even the most mature of Christians surely have this happen occasionally.
It is an amazing and humbling realization that this God who holds worlds in His hands has my back....and not just my back, but all of me that I'll give Him and trust Him to cover.
I have no idea what the future holds, but He does. I don't know how to handle everything coming my way, but He does. None of it is a surprise: not the bills, the costly tests, the medicine costs, the blood clots, the diabetes.... none of this caught Him off guard, even though it caught me off guard.
Life is full of surprises. No matter what we think we are prepared for, something can always happen to knock us off of our feet.I have tried to handle it on my own before, and found out very quickly that it does not work. I like this way better. How much easier to put it in His hands instead of bearing these burdens and problems on my own.
What an honor and privilege to serve a God who is never surprised.
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