Monday, November 3, 2014
30 days of thankfulness, Day 3: Thankful for my struggle
It has brought me a lot of heartache and for years I didn't know how to handle it. I begged God to make me normal......whatever normal is. I went through times of being angry with God. I wondered how God could love me and allow the things in my life that seemed to have played a big part in making me this way. There were days I wished I'd never been born. It seemed better than having to deal with it.
Everyone thinks their problems and struggles are the worst. I am sure mine isn't. I would rather have it than to be like Nick Vujicic and be born with no arms or legs. It would be worse to be paralyzed from the neck down like Joni Earekson Tada.
Yet it is a tough struggle to have. I won't go into all of the reasons, but will mention a couple: You're in between two extreme views of it most of the time. The evangelical church, for the most part, still views it as the worst sin, and a choice. For years, I felt the need to hide, was afraid to ask for help. I pretty much don't care now. I've lost friends over smaller issues, like speaking against Obama, so if they toss me aside over this, oh well. And then there's the other extreme: the people, sadly including many churches and Christians, who think you should just embrace it and think you're a freak for not doing so, and serving God instead.
But yet, I am still thankful. It isn't all bad. I tend to be more vulnerable and emotional. It has helped me be more compassionate to people caught up in the same struggle and others. It has made me realize my need of God. If we have no temptations and struggles, we wouldn't realize our need of God, and I sure need Him.
I have made friends that I would never have made otherwise. I have around 40 people that I am friends with on Facebook that I would never have known or met if it were not for this struggle. Many of them also struggle with it, and some are family members of those who struggle. And there are more than those 40. My life has been made richer for knowing many of them.
***This post previously had the words and a Youtube video of a song that has encouraged me and that came to my mind when I was doing this blog, but after a rather rude email from the artist's office, I had to take the song down.