Thoughts of a messed up Christian saved by God's grace

Friday, January 29, 2016

Pray first

I'm a slow learner. I fret and worry about things that usually don't have the outcome I fear. I was reminded of this by an incident that happened at work on Wednesday of this week.

  In the afternoons, I am stationed in the main lobby of the hospital to help with wheelchairs, escort people in wheelchairs, and whatever else is needed of me. I had just come around the corner from the bathroom to stand by the main desk. I looked over toward the doors where there is a semi-circle of sofa-like seats facing some chairs and piano. There were 4-5 people gathered around a lady sitting on one of the seats trying to get her into a wheelchair. I started over, saw they had plenty of help, and stepped back to the desk. A few minutes later, some of the people exited the building, and one of the ladies pushed the wheelchair with the woman in it past the desk. As they passed, I smiled at them and the lady in the chair said "Thank-you". Surprised, I said a quick "you're welcome", and forgot about it.

  Around 2:30, the ladies came back from wherever they were at and stopped at the desk. The woman pushing the chair asked my name. Wondering why she wanted it, I told her. She then started towards the door. I asked "What did you want my name for ma'am?" She replied "So I can report you!" Me:
"Uh, what for?" Her:"Because my sister fell and you just stood there and didn't help." I replied that I didn't see her sister fall, and she insisted that I did.  Shocked, I decided to head this off at the pass, and called my supervisor to come over. By this time, the ladies were outside the door getting the woman in the wheelchair into the car. I stepped out and told the angry lady that my boss was coming over for her to talk to. She told me to leave her alone and to "go to hell, my sister is dying and I don't need you bothering me". I raised my hands and said "ma'am, I didn't do anything". She shot back with "That's the problem!"

  By this time, John had come over; so I left them to talk. She claimed that her sister fell, and I watched it happen and laughed. The lady at the front desk verified that I wasn't out there when the lady fell. My boss said the lady kept changing her story, and to not worry about it.

But I did. I fretted about it the whole way home. I called my best friend and vented to him. I was upset, furious, worried, and feeling like a powder keg.

  I went to work yesterday, to find out that the lady did indeed call in to report me. My top boss, Mark; told me not to worry about it. She said it happened in the parking lot and I and another guard stood there and laughed; yet they found the incident on the security cameras and it happened in the lobby by those seats. No guard was around. Again, she kept changing her story.

  Today is two days since the incident, and one day since my other boss updated me and told me not to worry. Just as my immediate supervisor had told me the day before not to worry. Just as Jesus said not to worry.

  I could have saved myself a lot of worrying and fretting if I had prayed about it and left it in God's hands. I knew I was innocent. I knew the lady was angry because her sister was dying so she was taking it out on me. But I bypassed prayer and worried, got upset, probably got my blood pressure up, was cranky, short-tempered, depressed, felt like quitting my job, and more. (Yes, I was that upset).

  I had another frustrating incident happen this morning. I left for work, earlier than I need to as usual - I was raised to be early, plus I like to get a good parking place. After I was on my way, I realized I had forgotten my lunch bag at home. The lunch wasn't the problem. I keep my work tie and my name badge in the outside flap. I had 2 problems: My bosses wouldn't be happy if I didn't have my tie. And I use my badge a lot during the day to let people into the Emergency patient rooms..... it would be a huge inconvenience on me and others without it. I had gone far enough that it was a bother to turn around, yet not so far that I would be late for work if I went back home to get my lunch bag. I sighed, said a quick prayer, turned up my Amy Grant hymns CD, and headed back home.

  It was snowing. That kind of snow that if you have your high beams on, you get dizzy and nauseous. Since I hit 4 deer with my previous car, I like my high beams on to see out ahead further..... but then I did pray (as I pray every morning now) that I wouldn't hit any deer, so I drove on my way with low beams, praying more.

  Normally, I'd have been frustrated, angry, calling myself an idiot, etc..... but I decided not to fret and enjoy the music.

  I got home, grabbed my lunch bag and one of my favorite Praise and Worship CDs, jumped in the car and put the CD on and left for work. Again.

  I hate running late... or almost late, but I immersed myself in the music, prayed some. and kept calm on my way to work. I clocked in right at 7, something I never do, and had a busy, but great day. Had I let myself get frustrated and upset, it would have affected my whole day... but I'd like to think I learned a lesson with the incident earlier in the week.

  Am I the only person who instead of going to God right away and leaving it in His hands, worries and works myself up? We have such an awesome tool at our disposal, but some of us forget to use it. We can have an immediate audience with the King of Kings, but we worry and blow the problem out of proportion. He is there to listen and help us through big or small problems.

  Two days, two frustrating incidents, two different reactions from me, and two different outcomes. I hope I learned my lesson.....

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