There are a couple of common misconceptions among many Christians:
1) Christians don't get depressed
2) Depression is a spiritual problem
There was a woman arguing for the case of #2 in our church's Bible study a year or so ago, and she did have some people refute her, thankfully. It is definitely not a spiritual problem, but it won't help you spiritually either. In my case, I couldn't pray. If I tried, it seemed my prayers bounced off the ceiling and fell onto the floor. Ever hear the phrase "the heavens were like brass"? Yep. They were. Throw into the mix that I have always struggled to believe God loves me and that matter to him, I am sure the devil used my depression to his advantage. And no, I'm not saying he caused it.
It took me a while to get to the place that I sought help. I went to the clinic near me and got a very nice lady doctor. She asked me my symptoms and what I thought might be causing the depression, so I gave her a list. She identified herself as a Christian, but we totally disagreed on one issue I deal with, and it came up in later visits, and was part of the reason I quit going, I didn't want a doctor telling me something was OK with God that there is plenty of evidence in the Bible that it is not.
She gave me a prescription that I took til my next visit. I didn't notice any change, so she gave me a different one. This went on for several months, with some pills helping a little for a while, then not at all. The last prescription she gave me was the most expensive: $75 for a month supply. By that time, I was tired of what felt like being experimented on, and of her views on one of the things I deal with.
During that time, I also went to see a psychologist, who was surprisingly free because of my income. Again, differing views on a major issue caused me to not go back, so I just suffered with it.
If you have never suffered with depression, you can't understand it. Things seem so dark and hopeless. You lack energy. You have a hard time caring about much of anything. I joke that I wasn't lucky enough to get the loss of appetite that many get. No, I eat when I am depressed.
I love to read, but rarely read. I'd force myself to read books I was committed to reviewing.
I reached a point where I knew I needed to do something. Its not healthy to just go on day after day feeling the way I was feeling. So I decided to "self medicate", so to speak:
1) I started walking. My doctor had actually suggested that, but it was winter at the time, and I thought "you have got to be nuts!" But once spring came, I started walking.
2) I got some praise and worship music. My favorite genre' is Southern Gospel, and I doubt that will ever change, but there is something to be said for listening to praise and worship music..... it changes your frame of mind and your outlook. I'd often listen to it while walking.
3) I got more thankful. When you're depressed, you focus on the bad, and there is definitely bad, but focusing on the good and being thankful for what I do have, and what is good in my life, helped immensely.
4) Similar to #3, being more positive. I can't believe how negative I was when I was at my worst. I would go over and over what was wrong in my life, in the world, I'd focus on how dim and hopeless the future looked. How hopeless I was.
5) I tried to be more sociable. Depression is odd. You feel lonely, yet you try to avoid being around people. I started speaking up more in Sunday School. Got a little more involved on Facebook. I'd try to talk to more people at church.
6) I started getting out more. Shopping is something I enjoy and its almost therapeutic for me, especially bookstores, and even more so, Christian bookstores.
7) I started to improve myself. There isn't much about myself I like, so I tried to be someone I could like better. That's still a work in progress, but it gives me a goal.
8) I started blogging more. I enjoy it, and though its something else that was hard to do when I was depressed the most, the more I do it, the more it helps.
9) Reading. Yes, it was difficult at first, but I started enjoying it again.
10) Reading. No, I'm not being redundant. I started reading helpful books. I have always read a lot of fiction. Christian fiction, but I started reading non-fiction Christian books. Books about His love, books about dealing with depression from a Christian standpoint, and they helped.
11) I started working through my issues with God. My views of Him have been so skewed, I have doubted His love so much...... and once I started working on that, it was another thing that started to help.
There are probably some things I missed, and some I'm not even aware of that have helped me, but those are the ones that come immediately to mind.
And I still am dealing with depression. These things are not a magic fix, but I have come a long way. A very long way. I am better at stopping myself if I start to slide into feeling depressed, and am much better at being more positive.
Should I seek medical help again? Maybe. I'm not knocking anyone for doing so, and would in fact encourage it. For me, it just wasn't helping, so I am going to continue to "self medicate" and also to start seeking God's help with it. Something I should have been doing all along. Ideally, I'd like to see a Christian counselor or psychologist, but know of none near me, and doubtful I could afford one anyway.
I don't want to diminish God's help, for He can and will help in a lot of areas, but what Christians tend to not get, is depression is a sickness. Just as we go to the doctor for a lot of other things, we need to go for that. Some would say we just need to pray more and believe in healing...... well, if you're severely depressed, that's not really an option. You may as well go pray to a brick wall for all the more help prayer feels like when you're in that position.
If you're dealing with depression, get help. If you are not and never are, try to understand we who have and are. Its not an easy thing to deal with, and all too often it is something we feel we have to try to hide. And hiding something like depression can be dangerous.
No comments:
Post a Comment