Friends

    I grew up thinking no one liked me. The kids at school picked on me and bullied me. I went to church with a lot of the same kids that I went to school with, so I never had any friends there. Some years were worse in school than other years. By the time I graduated from high school, I was convinced that no one liked me. I would literally walk in stores and feel like people disliked me on sight.

   I wish I could say it went away soon after that.....but it didn't. I struggled with that on some level for most of my adult life. I don't know when it started lessening, and it still hangs on sometimes. I still am surprised when I find out someone actually likes me and wants to be my friend. I was talking to a friend last week I hadn't seen for a while and was talking about some friends in my life and had made the statement a few times "not sure why they like me" and she called me on it and said "why do you say that?" Thinking about that conversation, I have to admit, I still carry those ideas from my teen years that I am not likable. Wow. How does one entirely get rid of those ideas, without going to the extreme that you think you're God's gift to the world?

    Another friend of mine recently had a similar conversation with me. I was putting myself down for some reason or reasons, and he said "I doubt anyone else sees you that way. You are a pretty cool guy, and I am sure I'm not the only one that thinks that." Wow. Me cool?

    God is helping me some in that area. It helps that I have some great people in my life. I have had old college friends come back into my life, and made some new friends. Some of these friends go to my church, others have different beliefs than I am accustomed to, while others don't go to church at all. Some of them know the worst about me, and let me talk about my struggles, something that I am sure isn't always comfortable for me. Some of them I haven't seen in years, some I have never met physically. Yet, they care. They like and love me. Yeah, me. The kid everyone picked on. The kid no one wanted on their team.....

    The thing is, what do I have to offer? It doesn't seem like much. I can pray when I know there is a need. I can listen, and I am trying to do that more. I can love and not judge. I want to be a better friend, and I can always use more. I hope and pray God helps me to be a friend to someone who doesn't have any.

    So, thanks to all of my friends. You have encouraged me, many have prayed, and you all have made my life richer and better.