Jesus, use me

 As I read the entry for today in a new devotional book my best friend bought me for Christmas, I was reminded of a song I used to hear a lot when I was growing up:

"Jesus, use me, and Oh Lord don't refuse me
Surely there's a work that I can do
And even though it's humble, help my will to crumble.
Though the cost be great, I'll work for You."

  The devotional was in Extreme Devotion, a book put out by Voice of the Martyrs. The devotional for today was about a preacher who ended up in prison in Turkey. He was praying and begging God to be rescued when He heard God say to him "you said you'd do anything for me, did you mean it?" He told God he did, and went on to start preaching 3 hours a day in the prison while he was there. He was released thirty days later, and many who shared his cell sought him out later wanting the same peace he had. The devotional went on to say we want to be used by God, but sometimes that may include suffering, such as in the story of the pastor. 

  I had some time to think today, and I have been thinking about this being used by God. All too often we approach God with a list of things we are willing to do for Him and have a list of things that would have us jumping the nearest boat for Joppa.

  Compared to some churches, I don't go to a church with a huge attendance, but it is bigger than most churches around that are similar in beliefs. We average around 230-250 most Sunday mornings, and it looks like more than that on Sunday evenings. We don't have a shortage of people to pitch in and do stuff. There have been people who left my church because they weren't getting used enough and wanted to go to a smaller church. That always makes my suspicious mind suspicious. And I have seen and heard enough from some of those people to make me suspicious.

  You see, some people are the same in church as with God. They want to be used in certain ways. They want to be seen and heard. Lead the singing, take up the offering, sing a special song, play the piano, be a greeter at the door. If they truly wanted to be used in any way, they'd ask the pastor what they could do to help around the church. (I know there are people who attend a smaller church out of a sincere desire to help out, and if they are sincere, they will help in any capacity.)

 I'd be scared to ask my pastor what I could do around the church to help. I remember a time he pulled me aside on a Sunday morning and asked if I could help him out that afternoon. I naively just said "yes." Bad idea. I should have asked "doing what?" before I committed. He needed my help calling for VBS. He went down one side of a street, and sent me down the other.... all by myself. I had to tell people about the vacation Bible school at our church and ask if their kids could go. The very first house I went to had a couple of guys sitting outside in lawn chairs. I stopped, and it went like this.......

Me: "Hi...."
Man: "Are you a Jehovah Witness?" (in a gruff tone)
Me: "No...."
Man: "Are you selling something?" (more gruff)
Me: "No..... I am from the Wesleyan Methodist Church on Newgarden,  and was wondering if your kids would like to go this week?
Man: "Oh, sure. They went there last year."
And I told them the times and when the van would pick them up, and went on to the next house, praying no one would be home. Actually, I did that with each house.....

  After that experience, I'd be really nervous about asking my pastor how I could help around the church. I have played the piano in church - and don't like to, have played the organ in church - not as bad, but not something I'd want to do often, been an usher - hate it, had to sing with others for a special song - horrors, and spoken in church. As odd as it may sound, that is the thing I mind doing the least of what I have done in church.

  There are people who thrive on being up front. I know one couple who has complained that they didn't get asked to sing enough in church, and love to do things where they can be seen. They must be nuts. Well, actually they are. And then there is me. My favorite thing to do in the church to be used? Warm a pew. I am happy blending in with the crowd and walking out when the benediction is said. Does that make me a bad person? If so, I am comfortable with that. 

 It is one thing to do that in church; to have a list of things we want or are willing to do. It is another thing to do that with God. I have a list of things I don't want to do:

1) Be a missionary

2) Preach

3) Sing

4) Vote Democrat 

5) Marry

  OK, God wouldn't ask me to do #4, because He is pro-life. #1..... I can't see it. He knows me and I'd make a lousy missionary. And I heard Joppa is lovely..... #2 - no one would come to hear me preach, and I believe preachers should be married, which brings me to #5.... it just ain't happening. #3.... nah. I think I sing OK, though kids making fun of my singing in school has scarred me for life in that area... but I don't have the range to sing a special even if I did have a good voice. I do think I sing better than Elvis and George Beverly Shea, but that isn't saying much in my eyes.

  Some would say God might make me do something on that list, and I resent that. God is not a vindictive God who forces His children to do something they don't want to do to punish them. That kind of talk is what helped skew my views of God for so long. But if He does ask us to do something we don't want to do, He can give us the abilities.

  And as the devotional pointed out, being used by Him could involve pain. It could mean a lonely life walking alone. It could mean being pulled completely out of our comfort zone to do something that terrifies us.

 There was a day when I consistently said no to the idea of God using me in a certain area. I did all I could to hide my silent struggle and keep it silent. I feared people finding out. I'd see others come out of the shadows and speak about it, write books, hold conferences, and I'd feel this slight niggle from God "would you talk about it if I asked you?" And I'd jump on the nearest ship for Joppa and say a resounding "no." (And hope that a big fish didn't swallow me)

And then things changed. I started telling people, and more people,  and soon got to where I am now..... I don't care who knows. That doesn't mean I am going to emblazon it across Facebook and my blog or wear a t-shirt. God has already used my struggle in small ways to help and encourage others, though nothing on the level of those who speak, write books, hold conferences, etc.

  And somewhere along the line, I got off the ship and said yes. Yes, if the day comes that God wants me to step forward and talk about it, write a book......whatever. I'll do it. I am done worrying what people will think. I'm done fearing losses of friends, scorn, judging. This is me. A very flawed and broken guy just trying to serve God and set aside my besetting sin. 

  Will God ask me some day to talk about it in public? Maybe, and maybe not. But I am willing. The missionary thing? Preaching? Singing? Not so much, but if God did indeed call me........ and He would about need to write it in the sky for me to preach or be a missionary..... I'd do it.

  Most of us face what Jonah did at some point. God wanting to use us for something we'd rather not do. We can't all take up the offering, lead the singing, sing a special song, greet people at the door. The church needs people to clean the church, straighten song books, decorate the church and take down the decorations. To do the behind the scenes stuff that may never get us mentioned or noticed.

  God isn't a mean God who only asks us to do what we don't want to do, but He does require the same thing of all of us: a willingness to do whatever He asks, a daily denying of ourselves and taking up our cross, and to be used by Him in any way He wants. It could be to be President of the United States, or it could be sitting in a prison cell for a crime we didn't commit so we could reach those in the prison for Him.

  It is a good thing to sing that song, or even pray, "Jesus, use me", but it should be done with a blank paper, and not a list of what we are willing or unwilling to do. With God, it doesn't matter what we want or are willing to do. It matters how and where He can use us best to further the Gospel.

 ****Disclaimer: I am not sure I said what I was trying to say, but am going to go ahead and post it any way. Hopefully it turned out as I hoped it would.

Why am I a Christian?

   Last week's lesson in my Sunday School class was on "why are you a Christian?" My teacher referenced a former atheist who speaks at a lot of churches. Before the man starts speaking, he asks the people present why they are a Christian, and gets these top four answers:

1) I was born in America, my parents are Christians, I was raised in the church.

2) I've seen God work in my life. He answers prayers, He works miracles.

3) God has changed my life.

4) I have an ongoing experience with God, I have an interactive relationship with Him.

  We discussed those and had an interesting lesson, but it has stuck with me. I have been thinking about this idea of why I am a Christian. As my teacher pointed out, the above reasons could be used by other religions. "I am a Muslim because my family are Muslims," "I was raised in the Mormon church", "I have an ongoing experience with Satan and have seen miracles." (there are miracles done in the occult, but obviously not by God)

  My parents were backslidden for several years, and all I knew up til I was about 11 1/2 was a non-Christian home. My parents weren't living terrible lives. I can't remember them cursing, they didn't drink or smoke.... they just didn't serve God or live for Him. We went to Sunday School a few times a month, but no church. They did send us to a Christian school, so it isn't like we had no idea of Christianity and serving God, but since we weren't getting it at home, it didn't really stick.

 Then in January of 1981 God brought them back. It took losing our house and everything we owned in a fire and my grandpa dying nine days later, but they got back to God. And my sisters and I went along, went to the altar and said the right words. You could say we got the group rate for the whole family. We even all got baptized at the same time.

  I look back, and more than once have wondered if I would have gotten saved if my family had not. I doubt I would have. Maybe later, but only God knows. I do know many times I walked away in my heart, but have always come back...... but why? I don't mean to offend if you're reading this and believe once-saved, always saved. I cannot. The idea of future sins being forgiven seems un-biblical to me, and the idea that we keep sinning in light of several verses in the Bible just doesn't compute with me.

  But yet.... and I have talked about this on my blog before, I got the opposite thrown at me. If you could take most of the sermons I heard in my younger years and even into my adult years, stir them up and take a reason for being a Christian out those sermons, it would be this: To go to Heaven and escape hell, with the emphasis on escaping hell.

  So if I were honest, and I try to be, I have tried to be a Christian for most of my life to escape hell and go to Heaven, and because my family are Christians. It is just expected if your family is in the church, you are going to be a Christian. Which is kind of sad. We all need to come to God on our own, not on our family's coat tails, and not as a group rate. A friend of mine said he feels we have emphasized going to Heaven too much, and not emphasized it being about serving Jesus and having a relationship with  Him.

 Another friend of mine put this quote from John Piper on Facebook last week:

“The critical question for our generation—and for every generation—
is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the
friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and
all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties
you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no
human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with
heaven, if Christ were not there? ” ~John Piper

  If I were to answer that question honestly most days, I'd say yes. But then it has been preached and preached about avoiding hell and going to Heaven. I have been in countless altar calls where the preacher told scary stories to try to scare people into going to the altar..... I can't remember many if any camp meetings or revival services where the speaker tried to draw people to the altar with God's love, and of the importance of having a relationship with the One who died for us. My pastor has done so, but I can't remember it happening with other preachers or pastors.

  Being a Christian has to be more than doing it to get to Heaven, or because our family is, or the other reasons listed at the beginning of the blog post. If we are doing it for those reasons, we will crumble when the going gets rough. When depression sets in so heavy that God seems a million miles away, and your prayers bounce off the ceiling. When you have a silent struggle you know is wrong to give into, but society and many churches say it is OK. When it seems you're all alone in the fight, and God seems to idly be watching from the sidelines as the devil pummels you until you want to lie down and give up. When everything you have been taught to believe is challenged by a world and government who is increasingly more hostile to the Bible and its values. What then will keep you holding to Christ? What will your reason for being a Christian be then?

  The world offers much. I could find more fellowship and belonging at a bar or with guys who are like me than I find at church. I could find more friends in the world than in the church where a guy in his 40's sticks out and you feel like a freak....... and is it enough to hold on so I can make Heaven? If the Calvinists are right, I could walk away and have my fun and still make Heaven. But if the fear of missing Heaven is my reason for being a Christian, then I am a pathetic and weak Christian at best. It has to be more.

  We Christians talk much about freedom in Christ, of Jesus breaking the chains of sin and bad habits that enslave us. And it is true. He does, and that is awesome when it happens. But I look at my life and see other chains. Chains of fear, chains of thinking God is just waiting for me to mess up so He can toss me out on my ear,  chains that religion, church, man's ideas, and well meaning preachers have helped to forge. I don't agree with my church on everything, but I wouldn't agree with any church on anything, so  I have no intentions of leaving. I believe I have the best pastor I have ever had and he is not one to cause me further confusion in these areas...... but I still am bound by chains. I have wrong ideas of what it means to be a Christian, wrong ideas of how to be a Christian. and wrong ideas of WHY I am a Christian.

  I made no resolutions for the new year. They are so easily broken, I figured there is no sense in putting time and energy into making what I will break, but I would like to do this one thing. Be a Christian for the right reasons. The day could come when I stand alone with no family or church, God forbid. But if that day came, could I still stand strong and serve God? If there was no hell to go to, would I still be a Christian?

  People from other religions could list some of the same reasons for being what they are that we can list for being a Christian. But they don't have what we have:  God who became man and died and rose again so we don't have to die for our sins. A God who we can have a relationship with and have Him living in our hearts.

You have walked me through the valley
Of the shadows dark and low
And that's reason enough to believe
You have shown me endless mercy
Oh why, I'll never know
And that's reason enough to believe

So I won't wait for signs and wonders
To teach me how to trust
Cause You've already proven Lord
The depths of Your great love
You took the cross so willingly
And spilled Your precious blood
And that's reason enough to believe
Yes, that's reason enough for me

When I took Your grace for granted
I was granted even more
And that's reason enough to believe
With compassion You convinced me
I'm not hopeless anymore
And that's reason enough to believe
(Repeat Chorus)

My first blog post of 2015: a list

 This being the first day of a new year, the blogger in me feels I should post a blog.... my first blog post of 2015. The normal thing would be to post something about the new year, or about resolutions to make for 2015. 

  But I have been a sort of scrooge about the new year, if one can be a scrooge. I am not looking forward to a new year at all, and if I were honest...... I am kind of dreading a new year.

  So instead of blogging about the new year, I am going to do one of my lists of random thoughts that are floating around in my brain trying to get out. I shall let  them out, though some would say they are better kept in:

1)If being a vegetarian is so great, why did God talk so much about eating meat in the Bible?

2) Why is it so rare for a hymn to be written today that will stand the test of time like many old hymns have?

3) The majority of people who come into the emergency department come for something that is not an emergency.

4) Why do women need makeup to improve their looks, but we men are fine the way God made us? Are we perfect looking, but women imperfect?

5) If grey hair is a sign of wisdom, as the Bible says, why do so many cover it up? Don't they want to appear wise?

6) My church decorated with pink poinsettias this Christmas. I hate pink - or white - poinsettias. And the white look more yellow than white.....those will probably make an appearance next Christmas.

7) I think people who only read one version of the Bible are limiting themselves. Reading more than one version helps my Bible reading and opens up the Bible more than when I just read one version.

8) If someone un-friends you on Facebook, are they still your friend outside of Facebook?

9) Why on earth do people smoke? It seems so......stupid.

10) With all of our fast food restaurants, drive thrus, and electronic devices; why does it seem we have even less time than we did before all of those things?

11) If enough people do something, nothing is wrong, weird, freakish, etc anymore.

12) Why do people dress so immodestly, other than to draw attention to the exposed parts of the body?

13) Since Obama had a black father and a white mother, isn't he technically the first biracial president, and not the first black president?

14) Many people defend voting for pro-abortion candidates by saying abortion is legal anyway, so there is nothing we can do. That is a pathetic excuse for voting for people who further the cause and support the cause of killing babies. There are civilizations where sex with kids is legal....but that doesn't make it right.

15) There are a lot of young guys dressing in ways that only gay guys used to dress.

16) Gauges in ears is barbaric and weird. And looks similar to what you only used to see in the National Geographic.

17) Why are there so many people who want kids and would make great parents, while there are many people killing babies they don't want and mistreating the ones they keep?

18) I am thankful I was raised in a non-alcoholic-drinking family, and that I never have taken up the habit.

19) When there are kids involved in a divorce, they should stay in one house and the parents have to switch back and forth between houses. The kids need stability.

20) Why do some people add you as a friend on Facebook, then never, ever interact with you?

21) Future presidents should have to surrender their blackberry and golf clubs for the entire time of their presidency.

22) Why were people dumb enough to vote for Obama not just once, but twice?!

23) Being single can be lonely, but the more marriages I see break up, and the more I hear that are in trouble....... it makes me glad some days that I never was able to take the plunge.

24) I haven't been to a wedding for 14 years. The last one I was to was my little sister's in October of 2000.

25) I am exhausted. Physically, mentally, even spiritually. I wish I could take a couple of months and just relax. Read, meditate,  and watch movies.

26) Some say the internet is evil, but it is also a great tool, and I have made many friends and received a lot of help that I never would have without it.

27) Why does it seem the more weight women lose, the more skin they feel they need to show?

28) Some people complain about politics on Facebook, how they weary of people discussing it. I weary of sports talk and wish I could block anything sports related from showing up in my feed. We all have things that bug us. That is life.

29) I'm tired of driving 45 minutes one way to work, though I am thankful for my job. I am also tired of working every holiday that comes along.

30) The future terrifies me, and I am having a really hard time trusting God.

31) If I were married, I can't see myself opening my wife's car door. That seems foolish to me. I could see me helping to vacuum, cook,  and do dishes, but no dusting. I could even see me keeping the kids to give her a night out......but she could open her own car door. And I'd want his and hers bathrooms so I could leave my toilet seat up.

32) Speaking of which......women claim to be so strong, but they can't operate a toilet seat? They do say women are the weaker vessel.........

33) If I said everything I think, no one would like me. And the secret service would have shown up at my door months ago.

34) If listened to every horror story on Facebook, I'd be drinking boiled water and eating vegetables that I grew in my garden.

35) I personally think organic stuff is a bunch of baloney and is just a way to get people to pay more for food.

36) I think every kids needs a mom and dad, but if I had the means to do it, I would adopt a couple of kids who have no one to love them. I am not good at much, but I think I could do that.

37) I really don't like animals much. I hate them in the house, I hate it when people call themselves an animals mommy or daddy.... or grandma. Makes me want to throw up. Adopt a kid. Kids are meant to be adopted if they have no parent. Animals are meant to be owned. Or eaten. I'm more concerned about people than animals.

38) If I could do anything I wanted....... I think it would be cool to run a shop on the beach, to live near the beach and be able to feel the sand between my toes every day of the year. And never, ever have to see snow.

39) The one animal I do like is the chicken. I like it fried, stuffed, in burritos and tacos, creamed over biscuits........ and I like cats a little bit. But not to eat. Puppies are OK, dogs are not. Except hot dogs.

40) You can eat as healthy as you want, avoid sugar, gluten, caramel apples (just threw that one in there), and whatever else you feel is going to kill you...... and guess what. You're still going to die. You may as well eat what you enjoy.

41) If a church expects you to pay your tithe since you're attending there, but you have absolutely no say in anything that happens in the church, is that really fair?

42) I have a lot of regrets in life, but one of them is not that I became an avid reader at a young age and still read a lot to this day.

43) As outspoken and opinionated as I am, I am very insecure and have a hard time believing people actually like me.

44) I secretly think people who like winter are a bit weird. Who likes to be so cold, to drive on snow and ice covered roads, to have to clean snow off of cars, to see a mostly grey world, with dark setting in so early. It is depressing. And I don't like depressing things.

45) I worry too much, yet can't see much hope in some situations. 

46) I really don't dislike women. I wouldn't want to be one, but have respect for most of the ones I know. And some of my best friends are female. And my two favorite sisters.

47) Why do Catholics pray to saints when they can go straight to God?

48) I don't feel I belong anywhere.

49) If Heaven is so wonderful, why do Christian health nuts spend so much time and energy trying to delay their departure for there?

50) My favorite drink: sweet tea. Followed by diet caffeine free coke. And I especially love diet Gold Peak Tea. Yeah I know.... the diet sweetener is going to kill me. I can almost see the shores of Heaven when I drink it........

51) I don't like me very much. Maybe that's why I have a hard time believing others do.

52) I am too blunt and outspoken, and too opinionated, but I'd rather be that than be a pushover who is afraid to speak my mind.

53) I'm all for having a morning and evening worship church service, but if we pack Sunday too full, we aren't doing what God commanded to do on the Sabbath: rest.

54) Men shouldn't objectify women so much, but if women stood their ground and waited til marriage to give their body over to a man, they'd be a lot better off.

55) Before Dear Leader shoved Obamacare down our throats, I couldn't afford health insurance. Now I still can't afford it and will be fined for not having health insurance. I'm not a rocket scientist, but isn't there something wrong with that?

56) There are many times I have the urge to blog, but have no ideas. That is when I do a post like this and bluntly speak my mind. Maybe one of those people who never interact with me on Facebook will delete me...........

If every day could be Christmas

   

 I read a story once about a girl named Betsy who makes a wish to have Christmas every day of the year. Her wish comes true. At first it is all very exciting, with Santa's visit, the opening of packages, the singing of carols, and the arrival of the cousins for dinner. But soon the daily repetition wears thin. Santa is too exhausted to deliver presents and goes to sleep in Betsy's living room. The carolers have no energy to sing, all of the forests are cleared of Christmas trees, and turkeys go for $1,000 each. Eventually the only food for Christmas dinners is sardines and cranberries. People become angry and throw packages at each other, houses are overflowing with toys, and everyone is worn out. After a year of Christmas every day, Betsy gets another wish, and she wishes for the holiday just once a year.

  There are a handful of songs around that wishes Christmas could be everyday day, such as this one by country group, Lonestar:

Christmas lights up the city
Roof tops covered in snow
Lovers sharing a sleigh ride cuddled close
And their eyes seem to glow

Window shopping on main street
Bundled up head to toe
Children are skating around a Christmas tree
I see smiles young and old

If everyday could be Christmas
What a wonderful world it would be
We could carry this feeling within us
All through the year
If everyday could be Christmas

Church bells ring in the distance
Peace on earth fills the air
Sidewalk Santas handing out candy canes
I feel love everywhere

If everyday could be Christmas
What a wonderful world it would be
We could carry this feeling within us
All through the year

If everyday could be Christmas

Oh it's that time
We open and give from our hearts
Let love shine brighter than any star

Oh if everyday could be Christmas
What a wonderful world it would be
We could carry this feeling within us
All through the year

  Now I am sure they don't mean literally, like the story I mentioned. But imagine if the emotions and attitudes of those who have Christmas in their hearts, was around all year.

  What if we greeted strangers we meet with a "good day to you", as we toss "Merry Christmas" to those we meet?

 What if we did random acts of kindness, such as giving someone a card or gift, as we do at Christmas?

 What if we focused as much on Jesus and what He has done for us....everyday, not just at Christmas time.

 What if the feelings of good will toward men were a daily thing, not a seasonal thing?

 What if we spent more time with our families all year long, not just when we are around the Christmas tree opening gifts?

  Christmas shouldn't be just a once a year celebration we do. It shouldn't be something we box up after December 25 is over, and pull out again the next Christmas.

'Cause Christmas is all in the heart
That's where the feeling starts
And like a fire inside
It touches every heart
And even if no white snow falls
That's all right because
The joy can still be found
Wherever you are
'Cause Christmas is all 
It's all in the heart (Steven Curtis Chapman)

 If Christmas is in our hearts, we can't set it aside so easily. It will permeate our very being, and we will live Christmas all year long...every day, because to have Christmas in our hearts, means we have Jesus in our hearts, and that is an every day thing.

 If Christmas in is in our hearts, we will look for ways to spread love and good will all year long. We won't focus on Jesus just at Christmas. We don't talk about Him just at Christmas.

 Most of us lead busy lives, and all to often Jesus is a last minute thought before we go to bed. I am thankful for Christmas, and am glad most of us focus more on the Christ of the Christmas story more at this time of year, but in a way it is also sad if it takes Christmas to do that. Maybe I'm just a bad Christian, and everyone else does it right, but I doubt I am alone in not going about this Christian life as I should every day. I don't greet people as enthusiastically, I don't perform enough acts of kindness or charity to people who are not able to return them. I don't spend enough time at the feet of the Savior in worship and adoration. Oh, I spend time asking for what I need. But the wise men and shepherds didn't do that. The shepherds had nothing to give other than praise and adoration. The wise men brought that and gifts. Why can't we be more like them all year long?

  I couldn't afford Christmas every day if it meant buying gifts. I'd soon weary of Christmas trees and other decorations. Christmas songs would soon grate on me. I tend to decorate early and get the Christmas music out early, and then I want to put it all away as soon as Christmas is over....... and I tend to put all of the feelings, good will, the focusing on Jesus in adoration and worship away with the decorations.

  But we shouldn't box everything about Christmas up...... if we have Christmas in our hearts, we can have Christmas every day, in the right way. Put the decorations and music away, but keep Christmas in our hearts 24/7, 365 days a year. And if we do that, it is going to spill out all year long. The way it should.

The best gifts

 I have to work Christmas Day until 3:00. I'm not happy about it and have been thinking and praying about finding another job, one that doesn't have to be open on major holidays, like a hospital does. My family is going to wait until I get home to open gifts. I hate to have them wait, yet I know how I would feel if they didn't. So I'll put my eight hours in and get home as quickly as I can on Christmas day.

  And yet I realize there are families who can't get together because of distance, or because of work or military service. And there are some families who won't be together because of death. This was brought to my mind afresh yesterday.

  A two year old boy was brought by ambulance to the emergency department. I watched a young father weeping as he waited for the ambulance to arrive. I saw him hit his knees and pray for the little guy. I watched as the doctor and emergency department supervisor gave him the news that they had done all they could do and couldn't save the little boy. My heart broke for the family as I thought about the gifts that will never be opened, about a family planing a funeral for a little boy at what should be the most joyous time of the year. A family, who if they still do it, will gather around a tree next Thursday and be missing a little special person.

  I have been thinking about that, and suddenly my working Christmas Day doesn't seem that bad. I'll walk in and depending on how involved they are in the Wii and computer games, get hugs from all six of my nieces and nephews. I'll walk upstairs to find my parents, my 2 sisters, and my 2 brothers-in-law....and our family will be complete. No holes, just a few hours delay til I get there.

  Our family has always gotten along. We aren't perfect, but there is no fighting. No one is fighting addictions to drugs, alcohol, or nicotine. We are all in fairly good health.

  There was a picture on Facebook that said the best gifts are not the ones under the tree, but the ones around the tree. And it is true. We aren't rich, but we pretty well with gifts. I alone have a couple of gifts for everyone, plus a few gag gifts, so I have around 30 gifts wrapped and under the tree. Add the gifts from everyone else for 13 people, and there are going to be a lot of gifts under the tree.
  
  And yet, none of them would matter if we had a loss like some families are dealing with. So I am going to enjoy opening my gifts and watching my family open the gifts I got for them, I will enjoy the reactions to the gag gifts I bought, I'll enjoy the laughter as someone opens the yearly tradition of the stuffed hippo..... and I'll be thankful that we are all there. The best gifts aren't wrapped in pretty paper. The best gifts are family.

 And no, I'm still not happy to be working Christmas Day, but there are worse things. And I have off the four days after........