Thoughts of a messed up Christian saved by God's grace

Thursday, December 22, 2016

The future of my blog

   I haven't posted  on here for a while, as I have had a lot on my mind and have been frustrated about some things. I have become increasingly frustrated by people wanting me to keep quiet with my criticisms of Donald Trump. I have posted some really harsh stuff about Obama and his wife over the last 8 years, and no one gave me a hard time. No one told me I should give him a chance. No one went running to my sister and brother-in-law who aren't on Facebook to complain about what I was saying about Obama - yeah, that has happened with my Trump comments.

   Facebook has a neat feature that shows you memories every day of what you posted a year ago today, 2 years ago today, etc, , and I have been seeing a lot of things I posted about Obama and his wife over the last few years...... and I posted some very harsh stuff.... as harsh, if not harsher than what I have posted about DT, and again no one said a word.

  Obama was actually easier to deal with in some ways than Donald Trump. I am still 100% against Donald Trump and believe he was a disaster of a choice.....but I didn't have to see people post nauseating stuff about Obama, whereas I see a lot about Trump. And I got no push-back or criticism for being critical of Obama.

  When I look at Trump, I see an enormous double standard and the hypocrisy of the Republican Party in general. No, I am not saying the people who reluctantly voted for him out of fear of a Hillary Clinton presidency are hypocrites.....that is the Republican Party in general. Many of the same Christians and conservatives who have stood against certain things and for certain things for years, suddenly didn't seem to care about those things when it came to Donald Trump,  and took a harsh stand against anyone who dared oppose him. Christian leaders who should have been running from supporting a man like Trump did their best to shame, guilt, and scare Christians into supporting and voting for Donald Trump. To be blunt, anyone who voted for Trump in the primaries needs to repent. And anyone who has defended his vulgarity, immorality, and bullying needs to repent and apologize to the Democrats they have fought for years.

   I think anyone who trusts Donald Trump and puts any hope in him is nuts. I watched him during the primaries. I have seen his past, and I believe 100% he will be a terrible president who will take this country further away from God. The Republicans didn't want a pastor, and they got far from that. His liberal past and dealings should have made any conservative refuse to vote for him in the primaries, and his morals - or lack of morals- his bullying, and his vulgarity should have made any Christian refuse to vote for him in the primaries.

   There are Christians dying and being tortured for their faith in other countries, and taking a lot from non-Christians..... yet American Christians can't seem to handle the harsh and blunt truth about their president elect. Have I gone too far with my Trump comments? Most likely..... but they are very much tamed down from the disgust I feel about him being nominated, defended, and excused by so many Christians. It is tamed down from the disgust and anger I feel from Christians trying to get me to vote for him and accuse me of being for Hillary because I wouldn't.  It would seem Christians who voted for him have less problem with his immorality, his vulgarity, his liberal track record, his strip clubs, his lying, and his bullying than they do with someone criticizing him. How on earth will Republican Christians handle true persecution if they take offense so easily with criticisms of Donald Trump? I believe that is a very legitimate question, though his supporters would deny that. And how would they handle personal attacks against them, if they can't handle them against the man they voted for?

    Some years ago, I started an anonymous blog where I could openly talk about my same-sex attractions and all that goes with it. I wanted a place where I could talk about it without being judged or ostracized by those who know me. Since I "came out of the closet" on this blog and have gotten more open about talking about it on here, that blog has become rather inactive....... but I have started a new anonymous blog. This blog will not be primarily to post about Trump - I will blog about other things, especially things I usually keep quiet about (yes, there are some things in that category!) -  but it is the reason I am starting it. Consider the irony: I used an anonymous blog for several years so I could hide my struggles with SSA from those who know me,  and yet blog about it. Now I feel free to do that in open, but am going to have a blog where I can anonymously blog about Donald Trump.  Go figure.

   I distrust Donald Trump as much as I do Obama, Hillary, or any other liberal. I am still angry with those who nominated him in the primaries and with those who tried to guilt, scare, or shame me into voting for a candidate I despised everything about, and who reminds me of every bully I have ever come across, and who reminds me of Obama with his arrogance, narcissism, bullying, and personal attacks on anyone who opposes him.

   For years, I was withdrawn, shy, insecure, and no one knew what I was thinking or up to. I spent many quiet and lonely times at home, and was almost locked up inside myself, but not to the extent some are. Then I came out of my shell, became outspoken, a bit blunt (OK, maybe a lot blunt), and everything else that has become my personality.

   I have been trying to decide what to do with social media. Part of me feels if I have to bow to the wishes of others about what I post on Facebook and blogger, then I won't post at all..... hence the anonymous blog. Maybe I need to get the people who think I should shut up about Trump give me reasons why it was OK for me to criticize Obama and not Trump.... is it the "R" by his name?

 Going forward, I am not sure what I am doing. I know, the people who voted for Trump think I should just not post anything against him.... but that is not American, and it really isn't Christian to be OK with criticisms of a Democrat president, but not a Democrat that ran as a Republican. I am a lot of things, and anti-Trump is one part of me that I feel I shouldn't have to silence. It is a package deal.

   I created a Facebook page recently to post my blog post links and book reviews, along with encouraging memes. I may mainly stick to it, blog about Trump on my secret blog and on Twitter. We shall see. I don't feel I should have to keep silent about this man, but to make people happy, and stop the pressure I get to conform and be silent,  I guess I will have to go in the closet with my anti-Trump feelings.

  I have thought about not blogging at all, but I know there are a few people who are encouraged by my blog posts. Go ahead and look shocked, it is shocking to me also. So is it the right thing to do to go completely silent because a bunch of Christians can't handle my comments about Donald Trump?

 So I will continue to blog on here and avoid politics, especially Donald Trump. When I feel the need to blog about him, I'll do it on my secret blog.......which has a really cool name, if I must say so. And no, you can't know what it is, because it is secret and anonymous. I will also continue to post on Facebook, possibly mostly on my page I made and not my regular profile page. I won't post anything about Mr Trump on there, but will in the groups I am in that consist of we conservatives who do not want a liberal godless bully for our president.

   And if you truly can't get the feelings of a #nevertrump person such as I, try this experiment: Imagine that Barack Obama was running for president on the Republican ticket with all that you know of him after seeing him in action during the last 8 years. Imagine your party picks him above some very decent and Christian candidates. Imagine you are constantly pressured to vote for him because so many people consider him to be better than the person running on the Democratic ticket. Imagine as you warn people about him and point out his faults you are mocked and told to shut up, told that all have sinned, and you shouldn't judge. Imagine that you get a lot of negative feedback for speaking up about him before and after he wins the election. That is how a #nevertrump person feels. We feel like a foreigner in our own party, and sadly in our own religion.

  And yeah, I know I need to work through my anger and disgust at some point and adjust to the idea that I am going to have another at least 4 years of a man I cannot respect and do not want for my president, and who I fear will further destroy this country I call home.

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