Thoughts of a messed up Christian saved by God's grace

Thursday, December 8, 2016

A new job, self confidence, and the boy no one liked

   My current job has been very good for my self confidence, something I have been lacking for most of my life. If we truly understood what bullying does to people, maybe....just maybe parents would do a better job of making sure they don't raise bullies. But then, millions of Christians just helped elect a huuuge bully for president, so maybe there is no hope of that.

    It is very hard to get away from, the effects of bullying. I grew up seriously believing no one liked or loved me, even God Himself. As I look back over my life, it brings me a lot of sadness and heartache as I see how much bullying has affected me. It hindered me from getting decent jobs, and even from applying for many I wanted. It hindered me from making friends, and to this day I have a difficult time making true friends and believing people actually like me.

  It has even most likely played a big part in my having same-sex attractions, or at least triggering them.

  The ways my childhood bullying have hurt and affected my life are possibly endless and too in depth and numerous to go into here. And there are ways it affected me that I may never share with anyone other than God.

 There may be books written on the subject how to get over and past the effects of bullying, as there are books written on everything. I have yet to see one that deals with it in such a way to effectively help one conquer all of it, and I definitely don't have all of the answers.

   I have worked for some difficult people in my life, and those individuals have left their mark. But this current job position I have has done wonders for me in this area of self confidence and self image, possibly more than I may ever realize. I can't count the times I have been complimented on my job performance, nor can I count the people who have complimented me: co-workers, my supervisors, nurses, nursing supervisors, visitors, patients, and more. My boss gave me a $50 gift card for doing such a good job, and more recently nominated me for employee of the month, which I got. The hospital gave me a special recognition for doing a good job last year. As I have done this job for the last 2 years and 9 months of Emergency Department Greeter, my self confidence has slowly grown and I hardly realized it.

  The hospital is starting a new position they are calling concierge. It is going to be a very visible position in the main entrance/lobby of the hospital. Duties will be greeting people, making sure they know where they are going, and offering assistance where needed. I applied for it, and wasn't sure of my chances. I am an outsourced employee, and not an actual hospital employee, but this position offers more money and I have wanted to work for the hospital. My boss said I'd be a shoe-in, and not to expect any recommendations from him because he doesn't want to lose me.

   First was the phone interview. It went well, and the lady doing the hiring said she liked my answers. Then the face to face interview with three ladies. I imagine the fact that I knew all 3 of them on some level helped, but I was the most relaxed I have ever been for an interview.

   And then the human resources interview. This one was different because the lady interviewing me was deaf and read lips. Again, it went very well and I was relaxed.

 Then I got the call with the job offer. I, Mark Buzard.... the kid nobody liked, was offered this very prestigious position with the hospital.

 There are pros and cons.
The cons:
 I have to work every other Sunday..... and I don't like to work Sundays.
I will also bounce between two hospitals, and the other one is further away.

The pros:
I will be working for the hospital, and can bid on other jobs later if I want.
I will be making more money...... at least $2 more an hour, but it will be more than that when my experience is added in....... so I am guessing it will be $3 or $4 more than what I am making.
I will work 4 days a week instead of 5 days, 2 12's and 2 8's.

  The news got around fast that I had been offered this position. I have lost track of how many people have congratulated me, told me they were happy for me, that I am perfect for this position,  and that I deserve it. And no, it has not given me a big head. It has, however boosted my self confidence even more and caused me to look back on my life and realize just how far I have come.

 There is such a thing as sinful pride and thinking too highly of oneself. God condemns that. However, the opposite is not good either. Hating ourselves, having no self esteem or self confidence does not make us a better Christian. In fact, I can see where it has hindered me from being the Christian I should be, and from being used of God in the ways I could have been used.

   I have likely lived over half of my life already, a very sobering thought. I have many regrets as I look back over my 47 years, and this is one of those regrets: that I let the actions and opinions of some bullies so long ago - and also more recently -  influence how I saw myself and how I felt God and others saw me for all of these years.

 However, I am thankful that God has used this current job and those I work with and around to finally help me in this area. My best days may be ahead of me.

1 comment:

  1. Congratulations, Mark! God bless you in your new position.