Beating depression and becoming someone I like

It has taken me a while, but I am finally getting a handle on this depression thing. If someone has never dealt with depression, it is hard to understand. I still haven't arrived, but I am making a lot of progress.

One of my biggest problems with depression is negative thinking. I had become a very negative person, and it was showing. But I was even more negative inside, and was listening to the lies of the devil. I have been working on ignoring those lies and listening instead to the people in my life who are telling me good things such as that I can find a better job, that I am capable of doing more, that I am a good worker, etc. I have made a deliberate decision to be more positive in my thinking and interactions with people and to be more thankful.

I have set some goals. I had a goal in mind for an amount to have in my checking account. I finally hit it, and passed it up by $300. I am still adding to it. My goal is when I do get a better job, that I will have enough cash in my savings that I can easily pay a first months rent and the desposit on an apartment, and moving expenses,  and still have some left.

Another goal: weight loss. I was up to 235, and was 209 as of this morning. I have bascially changed eating habits and am walking some, and it is slowly coming off. I haven't reached my goal yet on that, 24 more pounds to go, but it feels great to have come this far.

And another goal: becoming someone that I like. That may sound weird, but for way too long, I have not liked myself. I know my faults more than anyone, and though I may not be able to change everything about myself I don't like, there is a lot that I CAN change, and am working on. I won't list everything here, as some of that stuff is between me and me ;-) - but I will list a couple, and I pretty much already did: my weight, and my negativity.

Life still isn't hunky dory. I want my own place so bad, and a better job, but I am thankful for what I have. And I feel my current job has been good for me in some ways. My boss, the store owner, is a jerk. No way to sugar coat it. He goes off way too easily on people, and everyone is on egg shells around him, but I was just thinking the me of a few years ago would have quit by now, or lashed back and most likely got fired. I can't wait for the day that I can give my 2-week notice, but I do have to admit it has helped me in some ways.

There are some other changes I feel I need to make, but those need to be worked on when I do have my own place.

I still need a lot of work and though I have changed some things, there is still room for improvement in those areas, but I can honestly say that I am liking the guy in the mirror a little more than I used to.

If you're reading this post, I would ask your prayers that I do find a better job soon. I would really like to be in my own place before winter sets in.